I just got "Uncle John's Quintessential Collection of Notable Quotables", and am finding all sorts of great quotes. I'll post some of my favorites, and anyone who has a good one, or two, or 17 can post them too.


"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?" -Albert Einstein

"Love is the fart of every heart; It pains a man when 'tis kept close, and others doth offend, when 'tis let loose." -Sir John Suckling

"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." -Jimmy Carter

"Health food my be good for the conscience, but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better." -Robert Redford

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." -Henry Ford

"You never realize how the human voice can change until a woman stops yelling at her husband and answers the phone." -Neal O'Hara

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." -Groucho Marx

"Every day I beat my previous record for number of days I've stayed alive." -George Carlin

"I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped." -Richard Nixon (Lol )

"Ok, i went, Mollyworld's turn." -MenInBlue

uh oh hot dog - bobby lee

I've always really liked
"You're not completely worthless. You can always serve as a bad example."

And a couple of Feynman classics:
"Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it."
"Physics is to Math what Sex is to Masturbation"

My sig has a couple good quotes too.

edit:
This is a random one from one of my 4th year physics profs...
"Why did I slap my forehead? To teach that mosquito a lesson. The ultimate lesson."

That one's an eye opener.

"The only thing we need to fear, is fear itself" Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" John F. Kennedy

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" Ronald Reagan

"Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn!!!" William Shatner in Star Trek II

Tony Soprano:

"I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to s***"

"I wipe my ass with your feelings."

Git 'er done-Larry the Cable Guy

Here are a few:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost.

“Music can change the world because it can change people.” - Bono

"I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."

--From Twelfth Night (II, v, 156-159), William Shakespeare

"why am i dyeing to live if i'm living to die"-tupac
this guy is amazing...everyword he speeks can be quoted

"It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't." -Martain Van Buren

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." -Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Congratulations, you have just discovered the secret message. Please send your answer to old Pink, care of the funny farm, Chalfont"

maybe the man walks on the moon quote: "One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind"

What's gone and what's past help
Should be past grief.
Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare

We are the music makers,
We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams -
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
We are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems
Ode, St. 1 Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

Duty cannot exist without faith.
Benjamin Disraeli

The person that said winning isn't everything, never won anything.
can't remember who said it

that's actually not a 2pac quote ...

Eminem produced 2Pac's song Runnin' (Dying 2 Live) and he sampled the chorus from Edgar Winter's song Dying To Live ...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MfPy4KwuujE

You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead
Why am I fighting to live, if I'm just living to fight
Why am I trying to see, when there aint nothing insight
Why I am I trying to give, when no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die

Penguin Trivia #46: Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82

i know i do!

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell

"Speak softly and carry a big stick"~Teddy Roosevelt
I always picture a guy dressed all nice with a huge club behind his back.

"Coffee isn't my cup of tea."

- Samuel Goldwyn

I'm Tony Montana! You **** with me, you ****in' with the best!

"Why don't you try stickin jou head up jour ass – see if it fits."

"Amigo, the only thing in this world that gives orders is balls. Balls. You got that?"

"Come and say hello to my little friend!"

I never ****ed anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?

"If you don't know where you're going, you might not get there"
--Yogi Berra

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore"
--Yogi Berra

"90 percent of baseball is half-mental"
--Yogi Berra

"The future ain't what it used to be"
--Yogi Berra

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it"
--Yogi Berra

"It gets late early out there"

--Yogi Berra

=======

[after a punt returner did not call for a fair catch]
"I tell you Howard, that's one kid that does not know the meaning of the word 'fear'"
"Well, I looked at his college transcript, and he don't know the meaning of a whole lotta words."
--Howard Cossell

[after the microphones along the ice caught Kirk Maltby swearing at Ryan Kesler]
"If you don't have anything nice to say..."
--Jim Hughson

"BUT wait!..there's more!" - short (black dude) from scary movie 1

"your whole life you try not to die, then you die" - my brother

"Its like talking to a retarded dog" - me

"You know your job sucks when you eat an hours wage in a half hour luch" - me

"I read your book you magnificent bas tard" - Phil Hartman

"I'm gonna miss you, you little grumpy bas tard" - Stephen Root

If we're doing family quotes;

"Sometimes to be the best, you just have to surround yourself with idiots." -My dad

it didn't specify, those are my favorite quotes. my friend even used my bro's quote as his yearbook grad write up hahah

haha tell your dad thats a good one

I've heard that one before.

The Verve:

YOUR A SLAVE TO MONEY THEN YOU DIE!

i got another one... i somewhat learned this the hard way... "React, don't anticipate, whether it be success or failure"

Shake 'n' Bake~Ricky Bobby

"if you don't chew big red..then F*CK YOU!"

I gonna have to post some later on when I think of um, but it's 3 and I just got off work (F'in WORK-i hate you)

so anyways:

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana - (goodbye Studio 60, I don't care if your ratings suck)

"I guess it's like magic and *icesk8er333 is the magician, if I was a vacuum I'd be suckin up competition"

*insert random name


I'll be back - take it how you want it

- Everyone should carry a litter bag in their car. They Don't cost much, they don't take up much space and when they get full, you can just throw them out the window - George Carlin
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
- Having sex with a fat girl is kind of like riding a Moped. It's a lot of fun, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you do it. - Anonymous

I think that was George C Scott from "Patton"

"All the Gin joints in all the towns in all the world........she walks into mine" Humphrey Bogart - Cassablanca

"60% of the time, it works everyime."

"The only way clear of the cool/crazy flipflop was obviously slow, frustrating, and hard work. Love with your mouth shut, help without breaking your ass or publicizing it: keep cool, but care." - McClintic Sphere in Pynchon's V.

"Perhaps remember is not the right word because it may have never happened."

"The only way around is through."

"Why do I wear a hoodie? So that the police know where to shoot."

"I've got clown in my eye. It's making me laugh." - Will Oldham

"So I am a public agent and don't know who I work for, get my instructions from street signs, newspapers and pieces of conversation." - William S. Burroughs

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing . . ." - Jack Kerouac

"Everything was fine until her father decided to become a Picasso doctor."

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." - Walter Bagehot

I drive, you navigate, just don't hassle with it.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools

hemingway

Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-sh*t on your ass!

"Batman's a scientist"

A physics one that I always got a chuckle out of from one of my physics profs was:

"First year physics saves lives."

To which somebody would respond with
"how does it save lives" or something along those lines

"Becuase it prevents dumbasses from becoming doctors."

Another physics one I like is "A bar walks in to a man - oops, wrong frame of reference."

This site has some good quotes from the same prof quoted previously, all recorded several years before I took his class; he'd stopped teaching classical mechanics at that point (which is too bad because the prof I had sucked). He said many similar things in the E&M class I took with him.
Fred Cooperstock Experience

Nice those are funny sh!t,
If I had physics profs like that I may have actually finished my degree in it. That and quantum physics nearly gave me an aneurysim

I like Einstein's quote:
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

The counsel of fools is the more misguided the more of them there are. (Laxdaela Saga, c.21)

"Mooooooooooooooooooo" - Some Unknown Cow

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle