1. @TheMagicMan will look to retool his team further after making a big trade to acquire Christian Dvorak. He is said to be highly interested in goaltender Kris Oldham of the Calgary Flames
2. Carolina general manager @Zach Parise is said to be on high alert after hearing about Gustav Forsling's availability. It is thought that Forsling fancies a return to Carolina, where he's enjoyed two previous spells in the last year.
3. A 300 million-dollar warchest has been given to @Spoderman to acquire all potential targets. He plans to raid Nashville for forward Wayne Simmonds and will also lob a record-breaking bid for Turkish starlet Yusuf Kars.
4. In a huge turn of events, the Montreal Canadiens unveiled @Crom! as their new GM. @Crom! has wasted no time in developing his team and will look to make a major splash at this year's trade deadline to bolster his chances of winning the Cup.
5. Fans were left puzzled after the Boston Bruins traded for Carey Price. However, our sources have learned that @Carlutch98 has spent the last 48 hours drinking, which would explain the context around the deal. "Ahh, &^@# it baud, you only live once. Gotta win this cup, baiyz".
6. Just how did Brayden McNabb secure a multi-year contract worth more than 4 million annually? Reports say that @morrissex95 was quick to offer the defender the contract after learning that DeMarcus Cousins would not be signing in Pittsburgh and would be headed to Golden State. "Those jerks are always signing everybody".
7. @Sane33 is said to be eyeing a long-term replacement for Jay Bouwmeester. He will look to target many left-handed defencemen at this year's trade deadline.
8. Betting has been suspended on @Ryan Murray returning to sim league and taking over the Columbus Blue Jackets.
9. If you're wondering why Arizona constantly has an empty press box, we may have some insight. It has been learned that the Gila River Arena had filed a restraining order against their GM, whose name shall not be named, which has prevented him from actively attending games. It has been speculated that he has tried numerous aliases to try and bypass the the arena security but has been unsuccessful each time.
10. @Dion Phaneuf will continue to keep his team relatively the same as he looks to win a championship. Expect him to add a center, if anything, later on this year.
11. @Alain Vigneault has been told his job could be on the line if he fails to make a playoff appearance between this year and next year
12. Newcomer @adre693 has discussed the possibility of moving one of his wingers for defensive help. Names and targets not known at this time.
13. Jusse Saros has reportedly discussed deals with many potential suitors, including Buffalo, St. Louis, and Anaheim. @Patrick Kane has declined comment.
14. It was between the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Florida Panthers for the services of Alexander Barabanov. Both @StevieY.19 and @Master Mind were said to have been civil during the process, however.
15. @kj29 will look to bring in more middle-six wingers because "it's cool, dude".