Gurn Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 A giraffe walks into a bar an says "High balls are on me" 3 1 Link to comment
Heretic Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Gotta Love Frank Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence and distance. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others), that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He simply said nothing. Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home... and left it there all night. Link to comment
Kragar Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer a few days ago. No idea what it was laced with, but I've been tripping all week. 1 3 Link to comment
Kragar Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 What is the Pope's favorite kind of dog? Spoiler a Prairie Dog (say it aloud, if you don't get it at first) Link to comment
Heretic Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! .. I'M A LIGHT BULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy. 1 1 2 Link to comment
Kragar Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Why did the cow return to the marijuana field? It was the pot calling the cattle back 2 Link to comment
Salacious Crumb Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Mountains are not funny they are hilarious. 1 Link to comment
Shift-4 Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Spoiler Juan on Juan 1 2 Link to comment
Gurn Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 A cop is sitting on the side of the road watching traffic go by, when he spots an old lady doing 80 in a 50 zone and it looked like she was knitting something and driving at the same time. He turns on his lights and pulls in behind her, but the old gal didn't notice. The officer pulls up beside her, rolls down the window and yells "Pullover". The lady looks at him, seeming to be confused, hold up both hands, containing knitting needles and yells back "No, ...socks" Link to comment
Heretic Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 What did the nut say when it was chasing another nut? I'm a cashew... Link to comment
Heretic Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 LOL It had been snowing all night. So at .... 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman 8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead 8:22 The transgender person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.. 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa 8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended 8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role 8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction 8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist. 9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices... My children are taken by social services 9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today and it's going to get worse. 2 1 Link to comment
DarthMelvin Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 What do you call a fake noodle? An Im-pasta! Link to comment
Tre Mac Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Thinking of retiring, should I go with all season or all weather tires? 1 Link to comment
falcon45ca Posted April 27, 2019 Share Posted April 27, 2019 Husband asks his wife, "Honey, am I the only one you've ever slept with?" Wife says, "Yep, all the rest were 9's and 10's." 2 Link to comment
Heretic Posted May 13, 2019 Share Posted May 13, 2019 If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.. If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced. If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he or she is ‘offended'. 1 1 Link to comment
Cpt.Clutch Posted June 19, 2019 Share Posted June 19, 2019 How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They are very efficient and lack humour. 2 Link to comment
DarthMelvin Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 Why did the stadium get hot....? Spoiler All the FANS left... Link to comment
YummyCakeFace Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 On 5/13/2018 at 6:34 PM, gurn said: A giraffe walks into a bar an says "High balls are on me" Lol. Simply stated. Love it. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now