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Cheesy Joke Thread

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Justin Trudeau walks into a Bank to cash a cheque in front of me one day: As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure to do that sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Trudeau: "Truthfully, I didn't bring any "ID" with me as I didn't think there would be any reason, he says, I'm the leader of the Liberal Party, "I am the Prime minister of Canada....

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks today because of all the impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID."

Trudeau: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the rules and I must follow them."

Trudeau: I am urging you, please, cash this cheque."

Cashier: "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do. One day, Mike Weir came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Mike Weir he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Mike weir and cashed his cheque for him.

Another time, Wayne Gretzky came in without ID. He pulled out his hockey stick and made a fabulous shot with a hockey puck it landed in an over turned trash can at the other end of the bank. With that shot we cashed his cheque.

So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is really you, and only you?"

Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, ummmm "Honestly, my mind is totally blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue." I really don't have a clue.

Cashier: Says, Ok thanks Will that be large or small bills, Mr Trudeau?"

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For all those that stayed in Math:

 

 

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pumpkin π

 

 

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Careful what you say to your wife!

 

 

Wife:  I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

 

Husband:  Why not throw that in the garbage, much easier.

 

Wife: But there are poor starving people that could really use these clothes.

 

Husband: Honey, if anyone fits into your clothes then they are not starving.

 

 

 

 

The husband is now recovering in the hospital from a head injury.

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6 hours ago, Heretic said:

The Joke!

That was not cheesy...that was hilarious...

 

“Doctor, I keep seeing an insect buzzing around me.”

“Don’t worry; that’s just a bug that’s going around.”

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Why should massage therapists never be introverts?

 

 

 

 

Cuz they are always kneading people.

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A bear walks into the Balzac Bar & orders a beer.

 

Bartender says "We don't serve beer to bears in the Balzac Bar"

 

Bear goes "What??"

 

Bartender says "You heard me, we don't serve beers to bears in the Balzac Bar"

 

Bear goes "You don't serve me a beer then Imma eat you!!"

 

Bartender says "Do what you want, we still don't serve beers to bears in the Balzac Bar"

 

Bear looks around in frustration, and sees this older lady drinking beer by herself "You don't serve me a beer, Imma eat that old lady!"

 

Bartender says "Won't change a thing, we still don't serve beers to bears in the Balzac Bar"

 

Bear stands up "Fine!" 

 

Walks over to the old lady & gobbles her up on the spot, then walks back up to the bartender "See? I told ya! Now gimme a beer!"

 

Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in the Balzac Bar who are on drugs"

 

Bear goes "What?? On drugs?? I'm not on drugs!"

 

Bartender says "Yes you are. That was a bar bitch you ate!"

 

 

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6 hours ago, luckylager said:

@falcon45ca

Great joke, I first heard it told - "We don't serve beers to bears in bars in BC"

 

The barbiturate punchline is gold.

My dad taught me that joke, & I've heard the BC variation...I just love the way Balzak sounds:lol:

 

 

Maybe I've posted this one before, I do not recall. Anyhow, it goes a sumfin' like this...

 

 

What do they call Silence of the Lambs in Newfoundland?

 

Shut up yews

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I had a few watches lying around so one day I decided to put them all together to make a belt. After I realized it just ended up being a waist of time. 

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Was asked if I had plans for the new year.

 

Told them I don't have 2020 vision.

 

 

And that's the last time that joke will ever be relevant.

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I lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

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What do you call cheese that does NOT belong to you???

 

Spoiler

Nacho Cheese!!!   <_<  :lol:

 

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from the mid or late 2000s, when he got caught cheating on his wife with multiple women 

 

what's the difference between tiger woods and santa claus?

santa stops after three ho's

 

 

what's the difference between tiger woods and santa claus?

santa only comes once a year

Edited by infinitecarnage

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Back in the 80's when Bill Clinton was fooling around with Monica Lewinsky

 

What does Monica Lewinsky carry around in her purse?

 

A wad of bills.

Edited by Honky Cat

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41 minutes ago, Honky Cat said:

Back in the 80's when Bill Clinton was fooling around with Monica Lewinsky

 

What does Monica Lewinsky carry around in her purse?

 

A wad of bills.

Poor Monica, what a way to go down in history.

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Last time I was on a whale-watching tour, the guide was explaining how rare it was to see the tail of a whale.

 

Really, when you do see one, you're so lucky... it's a fluke.

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