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aeromotacanucks

Driving in my country...

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1st thing. if you are not a Brazilian and decide rent a car here I have a question for you.

"are you crazy?"

but let´s go. see what you should see on some places around the country of Embraer...

São Paulo (city):

There´s one thing that you must remember when driving on the biggest city in south america. you will never drive above 60kph for more than 30 seconds. the main reason is because there´s like 14 millions of people and 8 million of them have their own car. so the JAM is normal. a 200km traffic jam is very normal every day. and near holidays you will find yourself inside a VW for like 3 hours without move a single meter. sounds fun? hell yeah! when it rains it get worse. much worse...

Curitiba (city):

people from this are the perfect assholes when driving, they don´t care about you so for them if you crash and die they will ignore you completely. the reason is because the colonies from Europe made this city the most "european" city in south america but they forgot that they live in "corruption republic" and we speak portuguese not french or russian. the weather change fast so don´t be surprise if you have a 0 celsius in the morning and 35 celsius in the afternoon. the laws of nature simply don´t work here...

Maranhão (state):

great! now you decide to see the NASCAR going international. for people on this state the rule "drive with skills" are nothing. really. they simply ignore what you learned when you did your drive lessons. they use both lanes to go in many ways, cross the signals and pedestrian lanes, park where they want (including the middle of the avenue), use the horn every single second and insult everyone for every reason. a car crashed there is so normal that see a car in perfect state is very rare...

Amazonas and Para (state):

just because these states are located in the middle of the jungle it doesn´t mean that they don´t have cars right? yeah. they have...

but someone can PLEASE them them to use the "cars rules" and not the nautical rules? yes because people living on these places think that a car is like a ship or a boat so they use the horn for every single reason, for them they must overtake you use all methods allowed and many lanes. studies from University from British Columbia revealed that 99,9999% of people driving in Manaus and Belem become completely crazy after 1 year driving there because they are soo angry and stressed that the sense of reality simply disapear...

Santa Catarina (state):

if you are Germany, have a Germany father/mother or any relative from Germany that´s your place in Brazil! the concentration of Germany people living on this state is something around 1000 Germanies per 1100 Brazilians. maybe that´s why people living there drive thinking they are in Formula-1. maybe if the signs show instructions in Germany language people there start drive like normal people instead drive like Michael Schumacher, Sebastian Vettel or Speed Racer...

Rio de Janeiro (city or state)

the greatest problem of Rio isn´t the favelas (guetos) near Copacabana and Ipanema (ok. it is, but that´s another problem). the problem starts when a lot of Cariocas decide drive at the same time...

this is because for them 2 particles can be at the same time at the same space and they must move fast because I´m hurry to go home to do something that I don´t remember! drive in Rio de Janeiro is live drive in a Atomic particle colider. you never know what can happen to you on the next corner but you must go extremely fast to discover! everyone is pushing you to go fast, horning or even insulting you. since you are from another country and doesn´t mean what "caralho" means (ok. means "dick" in Portuguese) you are surprised why people from Rio talk so much and so loudly on streets. if for some reason you understand portuguese I have one thing to say to you: "ignore them or isult them"

"cidade maravilhosa" (wonderful city)? aham. for you on a cab/taxi is gorgeous! try move your ass and drive like a Brazilian. you will discover that the hell is better than drive there...

Porto Alegre (city):

the fact that all people living in this city are angry with Brazil and frequently argue and decide make a movement to create their own coutry and leave the scum from Brasilia (capital of Brazil) out of there isn´t your problem...

the problem is when they drive...

you will find yourself on a city where NOBODY look behind, if they crash on you don´t wait for help because for a good Gaucho "who look behind is gay. a macho must look ONLY ahead!" it´s like drive with a tank behind you and the tank is pushing you to go fast. if you don´t go fast they will find other ways to "persuade" you like horn, hit your car, insult or the "easy way" of use a gun to shoot on your car or on you (they will aim on you ok? be smart!)...

it´s like TEXAS. everything in Porto Alegre is better than everywhere in Brazil. and in Porto Alegre the "easy way" is always achieved by using the biggest gun they can find...

Salvador (city):

the Brazilian Jamaica. everybody is relaxed, so relaxed that they don´t have any rush to go to any place. so the average speed in this city is 40kph and you must be happy if you reach this speed!

the landscape is wonderful but c´mom! sometime you must stop doing nothing and move yourself out of the beach and drive! I don´t think funny stay for 3 hours on a traffic jam with 36 celsius out there!

Salvador must be a perfect city because people living there don´t complain about anything. they park a truck or a bus in front of your house and everything is fine. they cross the red signal and there´s no problem man! they stop in the middle of the avenue, open then car and start talk with the guy of the next car and in 5 minutes you will find yourself trapped on a traffic jam becaused 4 guys decided drink beer on street!

But everything is fine! welcome to Salvador! the Brazilian Jamaica man!

Foz do Iguaçu (city):

the most international city in Brazil. the reason is because the city conect you to Argentina and Paraguay, it´s the "triple border"...

Brazilians, Argentinians, Uruguaians, Chileans and Paraguaians don´t need a passport to cross the border. just the ID of their countries are enought. but it doens´t mean that you will not have a problem...

if you are not from south or central america check your VISA. Argentina requires VISA from US and European citizens and Brazil require that you must have a Brazilian VISA to cross the border and return to Brazil. if you want go to Argentina and you don´t have an Argentinian VISA the Brazilian Federal Police will arrest you on Brazilian soil!

the Brazilian Federal Police is like the FBI but much less polite, the Argentinian Border Patrol don´t care if you don´t speak or understand spanish and the Paraguayan Police always accept a bride if you have more than 200 US Dollars on cash.

be carefull. DON´T TRY ANY STUPID THING WITH THE BRAZILIAN FEDERAL POLICE! they are very angry and they don´t exitate to shoot on you! don´t try make jokes or anything like that, just drive, cross the border and go to Argentina or Paraguay and return later. if they ask something do what they asked you (they will ask to inspect your car and see your bags)

thats it. ready for "fun"? come here and drive. or at least try. if you survive tell me...

PS: Brazil accept drive licenses from many countries, but you must prove to the autorities that you can read and understand some words in Portuguese before rent a car...

Rodrigo

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Pics or this whole thread didn't happen.

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I almost read half of the original post.

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I read until you used 1000/1100 as a ratio of Germans to Brazillians. Wondered why you didn't use 10/11. Then stopped reading.

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Clearly you must ban all vehicles from your country. You are not ready.

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Edmonton:

Worst drivers in North America.

That is all.

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You guys could do what the Greater Toronto region does.. refuse to build any new freeways for decades, sell the only one you have for well below market value, then have the government get in bed with the auto insurance industry, keep interest rates artificially low so houses are built out the ass and dramatically raising the population without building the infrastructure to support it, and traffic is so miserable during commute and non-commute hours you are forced into public transportation (possibly even ridding of your car if you like saving lots of money) or moving elsewhere.

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Edmonton:

Worst drivers in North America.

That is all.

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Middle east by far. Stupudity plus extreme speeds plus crazy road rage plus near zero enforcement.

Driving in canada is like driving comatose.

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Should be fun once the Olympics roll around....

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This post is AMAZING. A crash course of Brazilian car driving! ;)

Why didn't you get a +1? You deserve more!

Very interesting breakdown of the cities in Brazil. Thanks for your contribution Rodrigo :)

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You guys could do what the Greater Toronto region does.. refuse to build any new freeways for decades, sell the only one you have for well below market value, then have the government get in bed with the auto insurance industry, keep interest rates artificially low so houses are built out the ass and dramatically raising the population without building the infrastructure to support it, and traffic is so miserable during commute and non-commute hours you are forced into public transportation (possibly even ridding of your car if you like saving lots of money) or moving elsewhere.

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