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Matthew Lombardi 18

Meeting a (very) insecure girl from online.

314 posts in this topic

As has pretty much been stated, your kind of in a no-win situation here.

Relationships are largely based on two things. Trust and communication. If she can not trust or communicate with you (send you a pic/meet in person etc) on the same level as you're prepared to... it won't work. Period.

So basically this goes one of three ways:

-You basically tell her that if she's not willing to meet your level for communication and trust, that you'll have to cut this off and move on...She can't and so you do. End of story.

-She agrees and at some point in the not distant future, you meet. You're mutually attracted and you start to date a person with SERIOUS self esteem issues. It MAY work out but you'll CONSTANTLY be dealing with her issues. Depending on your tolerance level, it may get old or you may grow to love her enough that you work through it. (That's very unlikely FYI).

-She agrees and at some point in the not distant future, you meet. You're NOT attracted to her and end up worsening her self esteem issues by rejecting her.

Your turn to pick dude.

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Wow, so many posts to reply to. I'll come back to them later today. I have to have lunch with someone.

Thanks for ALL the replies, especially the informative ones.

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We're at round 2 now, huh?

I don't know... You may not be a shallow person, but at the end of the day, I truly believe that LOOKS MATTER. You need to have a physical attraction to someone if you're going to be in a relationship with them. That said, of course they matter only to a certain degree, which then varies between people. With a shallow person, it'll matter quite a bit more than a not-so shallow person... But the important point is that it still matters.

So how do I feel about the whole no picture being sent to you thing? I don't think that's fair. I don't deem myself a shallow person by any means, but I do factor in looks to my decision on whether to pursue a certain someone or not. Like you, I give personality a greater weight though.

As for insecurity, as others have said, it's a bit of a tough one. Insecurity about herself may eventually lead into insecurity about your relationship. I agree with whoever's statement about her having low self-esteem, and that signifies one of two things to me: (1) this would be her first relationship; (2) she carries a lot of "baggage"... which I would personally steer clear of. Nobody likes a "needy" girlfriend who questions every little thing you do, and needs explanations for you talking to any other girl in the planet.

My opinion? You can go for it if you'd like... but right now she's wasting your time and taking you for a ride. You don't know what you're getting into, and I'd rather find out sooner than later.

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This is not how to wheel birds. They want men to be in control. It's primal instinct.

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Wow, so many posts to reply to. I'll come back to them later today. I have to have lunch with someone.

Thanks for ALL the replies, especially the informative ones.

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This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women.

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This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women.

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This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women.

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Smart, and real women are the ones who are sending you home to your late night date with your hand.

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Why are you attacking me? I never said anything about you in particular, I just made generalized statements. My lady (been together for 3 years), whom I met online, loves everything about me, and vice versa, even though I not the type of guy she ever envisioned herself with. But anyways, this thread is not about me or you for that matter. It's about helping a young fella who is having troubles with a bird who is shy, insecure and misleading. He has basically done everything and been everything she appears to want, yet she can't even be decent enough to show him what she looks like??? Give me a break. She is trying to be in control of everything. If you ever want to meet her, heck even see her picture, you gotta turn the tables and get some control yourself.

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The guy is right: You don't ask a deer about how to hunt deer. You ask a hunter.

Unless you're making the process into a play to get her into the sack, don't bother asking a girl for advice on how to get other girls. Besides, all they would offer you is the same ol' lines, like it's what's inside that counts and blah, blah, blah. Who cares? The truth is most are together with a guy mainly because he showed interest and persisted, period, and now she's trapped. Hahahaha. jk

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Haven't seen her picture? Maybe she's 300lbs and has four chins.

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She has openly admitted that she "really really really" likes me (and more, which could be scary for guys!) but won't meet me until couple of months from now.

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Damnit look at her facebook or give up! Respecting her privacy my butt!

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