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Meeting a (very) insecure girl from online.


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#121 Sharpshooter

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 10:05 AM

Bottom line is no girl is worth this much time. I'm not a hater or anything. No guy is worth this much time either. Life is too short for these stupid mind games. Leave this s**t in high school where it belongs. Move on. Don't block or delete her. But stop pursuing it and let her do the work.


Some girls and guys are certainly worth the effort, once you get to know them....but of course, if you haven't even seen them yet, then this much anxiety over someone who doesn't want to show you their picture at the least, is a bit ridiculous.

I'm beginning to suspect that the OP may be the one with self-esteem issues or at the very least also have some assertiveness issues. After all, any one who gets to know someone over a 2 week period and is denied either the ability to meet up with someone before investing more time, or being able to put a face to the person they're speaking to intimately, doesn't perhaps either have enough confidence in that they can do better, or is a bit of a 'doormat' themselves, or doesn't have enough self-esteem to feel they deserve to put a face to whom they are speaking with and to assertively, but politely ask that though they understand the other person's explanation and concern about not wanting to give their picture, they aren't comfortable with pursuing a relationship with someone who isn't able to be upfront with them about who and what they are currently.

This is a childish and immature game being played by this girl. If she really respected the OP she could simply and easily tell him that she doesn't look her best at the moment but that she's currently taking the steps necessary to become healthier and that she feels that withing a month, or whatever projected time-frame she thinks is doable, she should starting looking and feeling better about herself, and hopefully more attractive to the OP. That's what a normal person would do. That's how some girls over the years have discussed their feelings towards themselves with me. It's not that they weren't good-looking but that they didn't feel 'good' or confident about their appearance and they were upfront and honest about it...and I gotta tell you, and everyone else, since i'm using your post to not only reply to you and the OP, but also address the readers at large; that I appreciated how they felt about themselves(we all have something physically that we don't feel terribly attractive about) and the steps they took to feel better and more confident. It showed me many things about them....the least not being self-confidence in identifying and understanding that physical attraction is healthy in a relationship and being honest about themselves and having the character and discipline to go out and affect some change in their lives. I always appreciated that about some of them, as I know they appreciated that I took care of myself as well.

This whole nonsense about needing time before showing a picture or meeting up is just that....nonsense. It shows immaturity and a level of distrust of her for the OP.....and no healthy relationship can be built on distrust. This girl is immature and has more issues than the OP should care to deal with.

I recommend once again, that he assertively but politely make it known that he'd like a picture, with the understanding and tact that lets her know that he understand where she's coming from, and that he's not that shallow to stop speaking to her as she undergoes whatever fitness or beauty regiment she feels in necessary for her own self-confidence. If she doesn't trust him enough to meet or send a pic, then once again the only recommendation I have is "run".
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#122 dajusta

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 10:47 AM

Some girls and guys are certainly worth the effort, once you get to know them....but of course, if you haven't even seen them yet, then this much anxiety over someone who doesn't want to show you their picture at the least, is a bit ridiculous.

I'm beginning to suspect that the OP may be the one with self-esteem issues or at the very least also have some assertiveness issues. After all, any one who gets to know someone over a 2 week period and is denied either the ability to meet up with someone before investing more time, or being able to put a face to the person they're speaking to intimately, doesn't perhaps either have enough confidence in that they can do better, or is a bit of a 'doormat' themselves, or doesn't have enough self-esteem to feel they deserve to put a face to whom they are speaking with and to assertively, but politely ask that though they understand the other person's explanation and concern about not wanting to give their picture, they aren't comfortable with pursuing a relationship with someone who isn't able to be upfront with them about who and what they are currently.

This is a childish and immature game being played by this girl. If she really respected the OP she could simply and easily tell him that she doesn't look her best at the moment but that she's currently taking the steps necessary to become healthier and that she feels that withing a month, or whatever projected time-frame she thinks is doable, she should starting looking and feeling better about herself, and hopefully more attractive to the OP. That's what a normal person would do. That's how some girls over the years have discussed their feelings towards themselves with me. It's not that they weren't good-looking but that they didn't feel 'good' or confident about their appearance and they were upfront and honest about it...and I gotta tell you, and everyone else, since i'm using your post to not only reply to you and the OP, but also address the readers at large; that I appreciated how they felt about themselves(we all have something physically that we don't feel terribly attractive about) and the steps they took to feel better and more confident. It showed me many things about them....the least not being self-confidence in identifying and understanding that physical attraction is healthy in a relationship and being honest about themselves and having the character and discipline to go out and affect some change in their lives. I always appreciated that about some of them, as I know they appreciated that I took care of myself as well.

This whole nonsense about needing time before showing a picture or meeting up is just that....nonsense. It shows immaturity and a level of distrust of her for the OP.....and no healthy relationship can be built on distrust. This girl is immature and has more issues than the OP should care to deal with.

I recommend once again, that he assertively but politely make it known that he'd like a picture, with the understanding and tact that lets her know that he understand where she's coming from, and that he's not that shallow to stop speaking to her as she undergoes whatever fitness or beauty regiment she feels in necessary for her own self-confidence. If she doesn't trust him enough to meet or send a pic, then once again the only recommendation I have is "run".


Since when did you write the book on female psychology?

Insecurity does not equal immaturity.
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#123 Sharpshooter

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 11:39 AM

Since when did you write the book on female psychology?

Insecurity does not equal immaturity.


After I wrote the book on the psychology of creationists. It's called, 'The Genesis Of The Batcrap Cuckoos: Going The Way Of The Dodos and other Dunderheads'.....available at fine book retailers everywhere.

And insecurity can certainly be a feature or effect of immaturity, though I didn't assert anywhere that insecurity is wholly equal to immaturity...now did i?

Edited by Sharpshooter, 01 September 2012 - 11:39 AM.

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#124 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 01:09 PM

Spoiler


So............. where's your picture, Sharp? :P B)


Or shall the track shoes get laced up instead? :P <--in the form of blowing a raspberry....
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#125 MegaNuck

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 01:15 PM

what nearly all women want is a kind ,intelligent, good hearted gentle man , who has a sense of humour and can make them laugh.
and the really smart ladies will look for a partner that helps them become more than they are , i.e the sum of the parts is greater than the whole .

This is such BS.
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#126 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 01:16 PM

This is such BS.

Uhhh, NO, it isn't.

But thanks for sharing your lack of knowledge about women.

Edited by Bertuzzi Babe, 01 September 2012 - 01:20 PM.

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#127 GLASSJAW

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 02:14 PM

smart women want X

if they don't, they ain't smart
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rsz_mad_men.jpg

 

le temps restitué

 


#128 GLASSJAW

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 02:17 PM

I've been biting my tongue and sitting on my fingers


interesting. and here all this time i thought it was a stick...
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le temps restitué

 


#129 Shift-4

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 02:31 PM

interesting. and here all this time i thought it was a stick...


what's the matter, cupcake..............she hand your ass to you once or twice before


:lol:
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#130 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 02:32 PM

interesting. and here all this time i thought it was a stick...


What happened, GJ, you used to be much more witty. Très, très disappointing...... Posted Image

Edited by Bertuzzi Babe, 01 September 2012 - 02:36 PM.

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#131 Sharpshooter

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 02:44 PM

So............. where's your picture, Sharp? :P B)


Or shall the track shoes get laced up instead? :P <--in the form of blowing a raspberry....



You asking me out? B)

I knew standing outside your window would finally pay off.

Posted Image

:P
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#132 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:05 PM

You asking me out? B)

I knew standing outside your window would finally pay off.

Posted Image

:P


:lol: B)
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Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.....



#133 Stefan

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:28 PM

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Uhhh, NO, it isn't.

But thanks for sharing your lack of knowledge about women.

It's incorrect because it says "nearly all women".
I disagree.
You're ONE woman, with ONE opinion.
I've dated DOZENS of women, and I can tell you my general knowledge of women is better than yours.
Women aren't all clones of you. Just because you like that, doesn't make it the norm.
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(1 Peter 2:18)

Slaves, be subject to your masters with all reverence, not only to those who are good and equitable but also to those who are perverse.



 

#134 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:29 PM

It's incorrect because it says "nearly all women".
I disagree.
You're ONE woman, with ONE opinion.
I've dated DOZENS of women, and I can tell you my general knowledge of women is better than yours.
Women aren't all clones of you. Just because you like that, doesn't make it the norm.


:lol:


No really.......... :lol:



Posted Image



:rolleyes:

Edited by Bertuzzi Babe, 01 September 2012 - 03:31 PM.

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Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.....



#135 Stefan

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:42 PM

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:lol:


No really.......... :lol:



Posted Image



:rolleyes:

Sorry, how many women have you slept with?
I'm not going to de-rail this thread to banter with a middle aged woman about women's needs. It's like taking advice from my mom.
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(1 Peter 2:18)

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#136 Losing With Pride

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:46 PM

She's either over weight, awful looking or holding out for something she thinks is better.

Your best bet in my opinion ... move on...

Edited by Losing With Pride, 01 September 2012 - 03:47 PM.

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#137 SkeeterHansen

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:49 PM

Sorry, how many women have you slept with?
I'm not going to de-rail this thread to banter with a middle aged woman about women's needs. It's like taking advice from my mom.


The train has already left the tracks, guy.
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#138 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 03:56 PM

Sorry, how many women have you slept with?
I'm not going to de-rail this thread to banter with a middle aged woman about women's needs. It's like taking advice from my mom.


"Middle-aged"? :lol:


Posted Image


And I'm guessing you've never heard the old "Never kiss and tell" saying, either................


And besides, this thread isn't about 'sleeping' with the woman in question...


And if you think that 'sleeping' with a woman grants you all knowledge of women, you are deluded...........massively and monstrously deluded.


You've slept with 'dozens' of women at 26..... you must have an imaginary doctorate by now and everything...... :rolleyes:


LMFAO at an immature 26 year old who thinks he knows infinitely more about 'women's needs' that women do......

Edited by Bertuzzi Babe, 01 September 2012 - 04:04 PM.

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"Sursumredditio" non usquam in hac mea loquantur!



Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.....



#139 Newsflash

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:08 PM

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"Middle-aged"? :lol:


Posted Image


And I'm guessing you've never heard the old "Never kiss and tell" saying, either................


And besides, this thread isn't about 'sleeping' with the woman in question...


And if you think that 'sleeping' with a woman grants you all knowledge of women, you are deluded...........massively and monstrously deluded.


You've slept with 'dozens' of women at 26..... you must have an imaginary doctorate by now and everything...... :rolleyes:


LMFAO at an immature 26 year old who thinks he knows infinitely more about 'women's needs' that women do......


Posted Image
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Buddy I called this EXACT situtation on here two years ago and was flamed, so I guess I have a bit of hockey knowledge, not to mention the 4 years I played in the OHL idiot.


The conspiracy theories that used to be against Lateralus:
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#140 BraveHart

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:09 PM

have you ever grasped the possibility that she may in fact be quite ugly as she tells you?
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#141 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:10 PM

Spoiler


Interesting that I'M the one being told to relax........hmmmmm...



Be a good 'little girl', be quiet now, suck up the BS, run away and let the 'big boys' talk? :rolleyes:


Mmm......no......


(And prior history dictates the tone of response to that poster)

Edited by Bertuzzi Babe, 01 September 2012 - 04:14 PM.

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Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.....



#142 WillyFox

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:13 PM

BB get in the kitchen and go make a sandwhich
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#143 Bertuzzi Babe

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:15 PM

BB get in the kitchen and go make a sandwhich


Make your own damn sandwich.......unless you like additives in it.......



:P
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Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem.....



#144 Shift-4

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 04:48 PM

Uh-oh

BB's hurting little boys' feelings again :lol:
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#145 debluvscanucks

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 05:14 PM

High maintenance. Not to be cruel, but this girl needs to work on being comfortable with herself before she's ready to include someone else in that. Sure, perhaps you can help and the half full glass says maybe you can make a difference and help her overcome this insecurity.

But, if she's putting you off it's clear she isn't ready right now. Let her come around on her own terms and decide if you're prepared to wait or not.

My guess is she may be a little heavy (sports or not...I mean, it could be the bowling or badminton team, right?) and is going to lose some weight before meeting you. But, honestly, it should be a matter of what you see is what you get...if she's "working on" herself before presenting herself to you, that's a bit of a facade right there. If she's happy with who she is (here and now), it'll likely be a much healthier relationship than if it's starting out on this footing.

Immaturity likely plays a part in this - so it may not be a big deal. But girls who constantly look for affirmation and put themselves down can be pretty draining if it doesn't get resolved. When you're young, it should be easy and about having fun.
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#146 Shift-4

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 05:19 PM

When you're young, it should be easy and about having fun.



But you gotta be old to know that, Deb. :lol:




::D











:(
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#147 Sharpshooter

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 05:26 PM

High maintenance. Not to be cruel, but this girl needs to work on being comfortable with herself before she's ready to include someone else in that. Sure, perhaps you can help and the half full glass says maybe you can make a difference and help her overcome this insecurity.

But, if she's putting you off it's clear she isn't ready right now. Let her come around on her own terms and decide if you're prepared to wait or not.

My guess is she may be a little heavy (sports or not...I mean, it could be the bowling or badminton team, right?) and is going to lose some weight before meeting you. But, honestly, it should be a matter of what you see is what you get...if she's "working on" herself before presenting herself to you, that's a bit of a facade right there. If she's happy with who she is (here and now), it'll likely be a much healthier relationship than if it's starting out on this footing.

Immaturity likely plays a part in this - so it may not be a big deal. But girls who constantly look for affirmation and put themselves down can be pretty draining if it doesn't get resolved. When you're young, it should be easy and about having fun.




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#148 TimberWolf

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 05:54 PM

Good luck, pal. I would give yourself a drop dead date, though. Say two months or so. But cutting and running like others are suggesting would just make you wonder what if. At the same time, allowing it to go on and on will stunt your social life, so set a date and vow to keep it.
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I was saying Lu-Urns...

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#149 TOMapleLaughs

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 06:00 PM

Yeah. If she doesn't send a pic before Shane Doan finally signs, walk away from this saga before it becomes epic.
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#150 TOMapleLaughs

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Posted 01 September 2012 - 06:07 PM

Btw The woman i asked to be my wife made me a kickass lasagne about 3-4 dates in. Thinking back, that's what ultimately sealed the deal for me. So, girls, your mom is right. The way to a man's heart it through his stomach.

Looks come and go, but food is forever.

This was kinda in response to that 'make a sandwich' remark.
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