No but anyone reading your posts gets the immediate impression that you equate insecurity with immaturity and therefore the OP should run.
People can be insecure and mature at the same time, and more importantly, a person can be secure AND immature altogether. It all depends if the sense of security is warranted.
For example, a person who just got her place broken into would feel rather insecure for the justified reasons. As well as someone who got her heart cheated on and broken... situations that warrant insecurity. Doesn't mean immaturity at all.
Furthermore, if someone who is secure for the wrong reasons, for example, having aced the midterm due to a lack of studying, and then going into the final confident of a good mark, isn't really mature either. The security isn't warranted.
You for someone who passes quick judgment on the OP's story of the insecure girl is pretty arrogant isn't it? You have no knowledge of her background, no inkling of her emotional character, or even a glimpse of the events she has gone through.
Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
So you agree that I didn't equate the two wholly, but you still want to argue that I equated the two??
Again, they are linked, especially in this case. Telling someone you don't want to give a picture and meet for months, but that you really care for them is an immature position to take when you've started getting to know someone. And that position is taken because of her self-confessed insecurity.
There's a mature way to deal with this insecurity. A) Either do something about your appearance before you go fishing for a boyfriend/relationship/spouse/etc or B ) Give a picture, recognize that you don't look your best in the pic and let the other person know you're in the process of a little 'self-improvement'.
That's what a mature person would do.
Telling someone that they 'really care about them' after getting to know them over the phone for a week or two, and then stating that you won't meet or send a pic for months, is completely an immature way of handling the situation.....and like Deb said, an act of selfishness.
How selfish of her to make him put his life on hold till November or whenever, in order for her to send a simple picture or meet up because she needs the time for herself.
See, this is where critical thinking skills are necessary. If someone starts off a 'relationship' with you, though it's laughable to call phone-dating a 'relationship', and starts making excuses about not wanting to meet you or send you a picture, then that's an instant warning sign. If alarm bells aren't going off in your head, then you're a dupe and a sucker and you deserve to be played.
But again, I never said that insecurity was wholly connected to immaturity. If we take your two examples and parallel them to the situation at hand, then the equivalence would be if the girl in your first example, after getting burglarized, didn't buy a house alarm or protect her house from future break-ins but upon meeting a person she'd like to bring back to her place says that she can't let anyone into apartment for the next few months because she's not comfortable with the security of her apartment. A mature person, would have gotten new locks, an alarm, a new door, and taken other measures to protect her place from future break-ins, and not gone on with life with the decision to not allow anyone, let alone someone she 'really cares about' back to her place. That's mental and a completely immature response to a situation that warrants a mature one, as a more mature one is available.
The same goes with the cheated on girl, and the student. You don't not get into future relationships or show up to take tests because you were cheated on and feel insecure or felt insecure about taking a test, which would have been somewhat equivalent to this current situation. That's not a mature response to insecurity, that's an immature one, because the mature one would be to be cautious of similar signs of cheating in future relationships, and preparing for future tests more adequately. Being ill-prepared for a test and feeling insecure about it, doesn't give you the right to post-pone taking the test, and not taking care of yourself doesn't give this girl the right to delay in reciprocating a picture or agreeing to meet in a timely manner. That's selfish and childish and therefore very immature.
And that's not arrogance, that's called wisdom, which comes from experience, and it's one that many people learn as they navigate the dating world. Those who don't recognize those tell-tale signs are ignorant, and should they not take heed of the warnings or the signs, then they deserve to get played and have their time wasted. Like my high-school vice-principal always said to me, "Don't say you haven't been warned". That goes double to the OP. And I know enough of her character by how she handled this situation with the OP. I realize that you're a proponent of believing fairy tales, but this is real life, and in real life you learn to read the signals(eventually) before over-spending more emotional capital than is warranted. That's what your teen years are for, not your adulthood. One thing i've learned is that you can't change someone that you get into a relationship with....what you get is what you're going to get, for the most part.
Edited by Sharpshooter, 02 September 2012 - 11:12 AM.