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#1 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:06 AM

So im in this relationship right now and i want to clarify a few things regarding being in a relationship and the 'set' of rules it comes with.

Being in a relationship are you allowed to still meet other people of the opposite gender (aside from such things as school and work, unless if necessary) and be friends with them like get their numbers, text and call etc.

Right now im also in the middle of the fight because i picked up one of my friends that were drunk one time and she was a girl. My girlfriend is taking an exception to this because i'm not suppose to do this because its not my responsibility (even though we been friends for a long time) and it was the wrong thing to do.

As of right now shes also making me get rid of my friend because i put 'her' before the relationship is this also wrong?

So, i just want to know from others perspective
is what i did wrong and the thoughts on the aforementioned question above, thanks.

Edited by EoH, 21 September 2012 - 10:12 AM.

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#2 goalie13

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:13 AM

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No, you shouldn't be collecting phone numbers.

Yes, you should still pick up drunk friends.
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#3 nuckin_futz

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:14 AM

Not sure what you mean by the 'set' of rules it comes with? Do you mean the common sense rules that govern a relationship such as don't boink anyone else. Or does your relationship have special rules that you had to agree to?

If it's the latter and all you did was help an old friend when they found themselves in a pickle. Then I suggest to remove yourself from this relationship.

I see nothing wrong with helping an old friend in a time of need. In fact, it probably falls under the set of 'rules' that govern friendship.
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#4 Luongo

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:16 AM

I don't think you did anything wrong per se, but each relationship is different. If she feels that the boundary of the relationship should not extend to having friends of the opposite sex, then you should respect that. Of course, if she feels that way, she herself should not have male friends either. What's fair is fair.
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#5 Squeak

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:16 AM

If your girlfriend has an issue with you driving a drunk friend home safely... it's safe to assume that your relationship isn't going to last.
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#6 Sharpshooter

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:17 AM

You need to sit down and have a talk to her about trust.

If she can't trust you to be around other females, and the opposite goes for you if the situation were reversed, then it's better to end it now.

Distrust and jealousy are born of insecurity. If you can make her feel secure, great, if not, jump ship and look for someone who is less immature.

Have a talk with her, see if it does the trick. Figure out why she's insecure about you having friends of the opposite gender. If she won't and can't figure out a way to come to grips with that insecurity, then like I said, move on and save yourself lost friendships and much unneeded drama.

Edited by Sharpshooter, 21 September 2012 - 10:19 AM.

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#7 Scottish⑦Canuck

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:18 AM

Being in a relationship are you allowed to still meet other people of the opposite gender (aside from such things as school and work, unless if necessary) and be friends with them like get their numbers, text and call etc.


Yeah, of course. Provided you're not flirting with them/hitting on them and you make sure they're aware that you're in a relationship.

Right now im also in the middle of the fight because i picked up one of my friends that were drunk one time and she was a girl. My girlfriend is taking an exception to this because i'm not suppose to do this because its not my responsibility (even though we been friends for a long time) and it was the wrong thing to do.


She's jealous. Sit down with her and explain that the other girl is just a friend and that's all she will be, and that you were just helping her out. DO NOT let her decide who you're allowed to see or not though. If you're in a relationship there's got to be trust both ways and if she doesn't trust you then it's never going to work.
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#8 zombieksa

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:23 AM

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I believe if you start making friends of the opposite sex you should watch to see if they have other intentions. It may look like jealousy in some cases, but in most cases your partner will pick up on the other persons intentions before you do BECAUSE they are looking for them and are defensive. This isn't wrong as it's natural to want to protect your relationship from people who want to get in the middle of it.

My girlfriend of five years had a friend (built like a brick S*** house, army guy, decent guy, romantic) whom always put his problems on her, I warned her to watch him and she got angry at my "jealousy". I didn't try and forbid her to see him or get angry she spent time with him, but I knew he was interested. He eventually went in for a kiss one night and I got a call from her crying.

So just be weary of your friends intentions with you, other than that their should be no problems. Also, no one should be angry with you for picking someone up drunk, that is an admirable quality you possess and it amazes me at how many people will not do this.

Hope this helps

PS. We are very happy together and I JUST GOT ENGAGED :)

Edited by knoxdown, 21 September 2012 - 10:25 AM.

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#9 Scottish⑦Canuck

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:27 AM

PS. We are very happy together and I JUST GOT ENGAGED :)


Congratulations :)
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#10 J.R.

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:27 AM

Communication and trust. If you communicate clearly to her (and follow through with it) that your friend is JUST a friend and she can't trust you that that's the case... your relationship is not likely to survive long.

Being in a relationship with someone who demands you excommunicate long standing friends is a GIANT red flag IMO.
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#11 goalie13

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:27 AM

PS. We are very happy together and I JUST GOT ENGAGED :)


Congrats!
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#12 King Heffy

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:29 AM

Get a better girlfriend.
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#13 Dittohead

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:30 AM

oh, this will turn out well.

better keep what phone numbers you have handy.
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#14 RonMexico

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:37 AM

You are better off not getting involved in these type of situations. This only makes your life difficult. Your lady is obviously jealous and well she should be. Why are you picking up drunk girls at any hour of the night that is not your sister or your girl? Better yet, why is she calling you? She likely has many other single friends who can pick her up. Yet she chooses you, knowing full well how your lady will react. I know you are just trying to be her friend, which in a guy's mind is no big deal, but not in a woman's mind. Next time, tell her to take a cab.
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#15 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:38 AM

Not sure what you mean by the 'set' of rules it comes with? Do you mean the common sense rules that govern a relationship such as don't boink anyone else. Or does your relationship have special rules that you had to agree to?

If it's the latter and all you did was help an old friend when they found themselves in a pickle. Then I suggest to remove yourself from this relationship.

I see nothing wrong with helping an old friend in a time of need. In fact, it probably falls under the set of 'rules' that govern friendship.


thing is with my girlfriend right now is that one time i did talk to a girl during work, like mutually talking about things such as school (also a note is that the girl works next door and we sometimes see each other say like throwing out trash or running for supplies). However, she feels like this is how 'cheating' starts and although i did not have the intention of having any feelings for her or anything like that, she assumed I did. I eventually added her on facebook, msn (without my girlfriends knowledge) and she was greatly hurt that I did that. I thought i was just mutually adding another friend in my knowledge and nothing more.

I've sat down to talk to her many times about this problem and apparently she always thinks that she is the right one in this relationship. She sets up limits and boundaries all the time and I truly try to appreciate them and follow through as much as I can.

The girl I picked up was drunk and she was an old time friend. However, shes the type of girl that hangs out with males quite often and my girlfriend thought I was being used because 'i'll just be another guy to her'. The background story I told of her isn't that great either, since I decided to tell her a lot of things. Like she has ticked me off sometimes. During the time she was drunk, I helped her up the stairs to her house cause she was too unbalanced to get out of my car.

I assume she takes exception to this because 1) I told her a lot of negative things about her and 2) shes a girl...and I have a girlfriend and she just calls me a sewer rat and other grunting names for even not notifying her. I tried explaining, but it never works.
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#16 MashedBananas

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:40 AM

You can meet people of the opposite gender.... as long as your girlfriend doesn't dump you for some hotshot...sorry was that out loud?
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#17 Scottish⑦Canuck

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:46 AM

You are better off not getting involved in these type of situations. This only makes your life difficult. Your lady is obviously jealous and well she should be. Why are you picking up drunk girls at any hour of the night that is not your sister or your girl? Better yet, why is she calling you? She likely has many other single friends who can pick her up. Yet she chooses you, knowing full well how your lady will react. I know you are just trying to be her friend, which in a guy's mind is no big deal, but not in a woman's mind. Next time, tell her to take a cab.


Then accept responsibility the following day when you find out she's missing/been assaulted.

If a friend calls me and they seem too drunk to get home safely, then I'm going to go and do the right thing and take her home. Even if it means my girlfriend going mental.

Edited by Scottish⑦Canuck, 21 September 2012 - 10:47 AM.

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#18 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:46 AM

You are better off not getting involved in these type of situations. This only makes your life difficult. Your lady is obviously jealous and well she should be. Why are you picking up drunk girls at any hour of the night that is not your sister or your girl? Better yet, why is she calling you? She likely has many other single friends who can pick her up. Yet she chooses you, knowing full well how your lady will react. I know you are just trying to be her friend, which in a guy's mind is no big deal, but not in a woman's mind. Next time, tell her to take a cab.


She only called me up because I'm an old friend and we use to talk during highschool about our problems. Its also hard to believe that not many people have cars and I can obviously relate that you shouldn't call someone like a parent in this case. She has also helped me out of a jam because like when my car got towed and i needed a lift to the impound. Thing is, she or me never knew my girlfriend would get this upset over me picking her up. I can see from her perspective that it is a problem and I do acknowledge it, but for some reason it seems irrational.

Because of this she wants me to totally cut her out of my life because shes feels like shes a poison. My friend doesn't even know my girlfriend aside from the things I tell her (never met) yet my girlfriend continues to call her degrading womenly names.
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#19 Magikal

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:49 AM

As someone who has already been in his fair share of relationships I can say only this:

You are the man in the relationship.

Therefore you are always wrong.

This is the nature of the beast that is a relationship with a woman
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#20 RonMexico

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:55 AM

Then accept responsibility the following day when you find out she's missing/been assaulted.

If a friend calls me and they seem too drunk to get home safely, then I'm going to go and do the right thing and take her home. Even if it means my girlfriend going mental.


Thank you worst case scenario man.
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#21 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 10:57 AM

I believe if you start making friends of the opposite sex you should watch to see if they have other intentions. It may look like jealousy in some cases, but in most cases your partner will pick up on the other persons intentions before you do BECAUSE they are looking for them and are defensive. This isn't wrong as it's natural to want to protect your relationship from people who want to get in the middle of it.

My girlfriend of five years had a friend (built like a brick S*** house, army guy, decent guy, romantic) whom always put his problems on her, I warned her to watch him and she got angry at my "jealousy". I didn't try and forbid her to see him or get angry she spent time with him, but I knew he was interested. He eventually went in for a kiss one night and I got a call from her crying.

So just be weary of your friends intentions with you, other than that their should be no problems. Also, no one should be angry with you for picking someone up drunk, that is an admirable quality you possess and it amazes me at how many people will not do this.

Hope this helps

PS. We are very happy together and I JUST GOT ENGAGED :)


First I would like to say congradulations man.

About knowing if someone likes my girlfriend a lot, she tells me that a lot of people like her, but she wouldn't go getting their numbers and such. Thing is all her life shes been moving so her list of friends isn't that wide compared to mine. I mainly only know about 4 active friends right now she currently has and everyday she feels like its a waste to spend time with them and only spend time with me. She wants to see me everyday too, but I have some other obligations such as I might want to spend some time with my best friend playing things like nhl (my bestfriend are guys btw). She continues to say she wants to spend like everyday with me, even though most of the time I do have such things as work and school. I do sometimes even see her as a long way.

I sometimes even tell her that guys like her, but i never hear to end of it that I'm wrong. Yet its the opposite that happens to me.
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#22 nuckin_futz

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:00 AM

The girl I picked up was drunk and she was an old time friend. However, shes the type of girl that hangs out with males quite often and my girlfriend thought I was being used because 'i'll just be another guy to her'.

I assume she takes exception to this because 1) I told her a lot of negative things about her and 2) shes a girl...and I have a girlfriend and she just calls me a sewer rat and other grunting names for even not notifying her. I tried explaining, but it never works.


So your girlfriend is mentally bullying you and thinks that's OK because she thinks the drunk friend is doing the same thing?

Pot meet Kettle.

Your girlfriend thinks you're a sewer rat and other grunting names? I am sure I don't have to tell you this but life is way too short to deal with crap like this.
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#23 Scottish⑦Canuck

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:00 AM

Thank you worst case scenario man.


You're very welcome. Thanks for the mature response.
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#24 taxi

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:01 AM

Normally I side with the man in cases of jealousy issues, but your girlfriend has a point here. Picking drunk girls up from bars is a boyfriend job. Girls at the end of a night of clubing are normally drunk and possibly looking to get laid. Why didn't your friend take a cab? Friend or not, you shouldn't be hanging out alone with other girls late at night. Especially when at least one party is drunk.

And no, getting rides home late at night is not a standard thing friends do for eachother. Would you randomly call up a male friend and ask him to drive you home because you were drunk?
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#25 Magikal

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:04 AM

Normally I side with the man in cases of jealousy issues, but your girlfriend has a point here. Picking drunk girls up from bars is a boyfriend job. Girls at the end of a night of clubing are normally drunk and possibly looking to get laid. Why didn't your friend take a cab? Friend or not, you shouldn't be hanging out alone with other girls late at night. Especially when at least one party is drunk.

And no, getting rides home late at night is not a standard thing friends do for eachother. Would you randomly call up a male friend and ask him to drive you home because you were drunk?



Me and my buddies get stupid wasted once in awhile and we do this s*** to each other all the time. We'll call each other up at 4-5-6am and demand rides home in exchange for crappy fast food breakfasts and possibly some left over party faves.
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#26 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:04 AM

So your girlfriend is mentally bullying you and thinks that's OK because she thinks the drunk friend is doing the same thing?

Pot meet Kettle.

Your girlfriend thinks you're a sewer rat and other grunting names? I am sure I don't have to tell you this but life is way too short to deal with crap like this.

no no, shes calling my other friend that, even though they never met.

she also tells me that I will never do better with any girl and if i do apply things to like generally adding girls on facebook/msn, she say she'll always leave. So far I been quite compliant with all her rules. Even with getting a number, email, facebook from a girl for school related stuff I would need permission.

Thing is I really do love her and wish she would see it my way, but I'm always wrong.
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#27 EoH

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:09 AM

Normally I side with the man in cases of jealousy issues, but your girlfriend has a point here. Picking drunk girls up from bars is a boyfriend job. Girls at the end of a night of clubing are normally drunk and possibly looking to get laid. Why didn't your friend take a cab? Friend or not, you shouldn't be hanging out alone with other girls late at night. Especially when at least one party is drunk.

And no, getting rides home late at night is not a standard thing friends do for eachother. Would you randomly call up a male friend and ask him to drive you home because you were drunk?


My friends situation wasn't the same and she was not a club, she was drinking with another girls house because her other friend felt pretty down about some problem. She even said not to go do the club because its dangerous and such to go alone, so she was merely trying to comfort one of her own friends. Also, she is not trying to get laid.

The phone call to me was pretty random, however its not like I'm going to leave her there, we've been good friends since the majority of high school and like I said, she told me she tried phoning 2 other people before me, they just couldn't answer. It wasn't that late as well, maybe around 11pm'ish?
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#28 Sharpshooter

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:19 AM

You are better off not getting involved in these type of situations. This only makes your life difficult. Your lady is obviously jealous and well she should be. Why are you picking up drunk girls at any hour of the night that is not your sister or your girl? Better yet, why is she calling you? She likely has many other single friends who can pick her up. Yet she chooses you, knowing full well how your lady will react. I know you are just trying to be her friend, which in a guy's mind is no big deal, but not in a woman's mind. Next time, tell her to take a cab.


Your mind reading super-powers are astonishing.

Quick! Tell me what i'm thinking about you right now.

Edited by Sharpshooter, 21 September 2012 - 11:20 AM.

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#29 Magikal

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:23 AM

Your mind reading super-powers are astonishing.

Quick! Tell me what i'm thinking about you right now.



Trick question, you're thinking about bacon

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#30 taxi

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 11:23 AM

My friends situation wasn't the same and she was not a club, she was drinking with another girls house because her other friend felt pretty down about some problem. She even said not to go do the club because its dangerous and such to go alone, so she was merely trying to comfort one of her own friends. Also, she is not trying to get laid.

The phone call to me was pretty random, however its not like I'm going to leave her there, we've been good friends since the majority of high school and like I said, she told me she tried phoning 2 other people before me, they just couldn't answer. It wasn't that late as well, maybe around 11pm'ish?


Why didn't your friend arrange her own transportation home? When you go places do you have zero plan of getting back?
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