Alerts to Threats in 2012 Europe
Posted 06 November 2012 - 10:50 PM
By John Cleese (British writer, actor and tall person):
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the last final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person A final thought
-" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome
is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."
Posted 06 November 2012 - 10:55 PM
If you like looking at statistics to determine who's better, you're just a casual fan.
2.41 season GAA isn't very impressive. Let's not get into playoffs and his SV%.
Cory Schneider is the next Patrick Roy.
Posted 06 November 2012 - 10:58 PM
Posted 06 November 2012 - 11:39 PM
Credit to -Vintage Canuck- for avatar
Posted 06 November 2012 - 11:49 PM
"When Jonah's agent called him and said Quentin Tarantino wanted to put him in a spaghetti western [Django Unchained], Jonah was like, 'You had me at spaghetti.'"
"Aziz has been charming audiences and snakes for years. And I guess you’re here tonight because now that Kanye had a real baby he doesn’t need you anymore."
-- Jeff Ross
Posted 06 November 2012 - 11:53 PM
"... I got better."
Posted 07 November 2012 - 12:14 AM
Thanks a bunch to khalifawiz501 for the signature.
Posted 07 November 2012 - 03:15 AM
"Well she turned me into a newt!"
"... I got better."
"Can someone tell me what floats on water?"
"Uhh...very small rocks!"
Edited by Red Light Racicot, 07 November 2012 - 03:16 AM.
Posted 07 November 2012 - 08:05 AM
But then again, I'm a huge Python and Fawlty Towers fan.....
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