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Grim Fairy Tales (Spooky, heartwarming, etc.)


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#31 Gumballthechewy

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:26 AM

CHAPTER TWO: Are These My Meds?

Ok, so I was laying in bed on Christmas Eve, drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden I heard a loud thump outside. All excited and what not I jumped up and ran to the window. I didn't see anything so I ran to the shed and kicked the door in and grabbed the ladder and, after smashing a few windows, I got onto the roof and I saw, I saw...

Nothing!

So I thought maybe Santa already went down the chimney so I dove into that s*** head first. I blacked out. I awoke to the sound of a blender puréeing a carrot, so I looked up and saw a midget giving it to a duck. "That's weird..." I thought to myself, "I need a beer." So I went to the kitchen and then I realised I wasn't in my home. I think, maybe, so as I turned around I tripped and fell. I kept falling. I was falling through a black void, endless and dark. Suddenly swirls of colour started to run down the walls. The colours started to scream at me, yelling profanities and all that. I stabbed one of the colours and it spewed out glitter and cocaine. I hit the ground. It was all dark and I couldn't see so I opened my eyes. And it was bright. Too bright. So I closed them again. Then I saw a terrible monster. So I opened my eyes again. It was still bright but it was better than a monster. As my eyes adjusted to the brightness, did I mention it was bright?, I noticed that the ground was wavy like the open ocean. It made my legs taste like purple. I didn't like it so I left. I slipped through the spiral sphere outer universe and travelled through the dark void that is my soul. I journeyed to a shadowy place. I met an old man. He told me: "To find what I've been missing in my life I must first find myself." Then he melted and out of his puddle arose a giant dragon. I crapped my pants. Then I though maybe I could throw this at it. But it stuck to my hand so I went to the sink and washed my hands. Twice. I went back to fight the dragon but it melted into a taco so I ate it. It has three different cheeses. After eating the taco I began to get dizzy and I started spinning. Eventually I fell and hit the roof and my head split in half and I crawled out of it. I floated out into the endless well of nightmares and got lost amid the drifting thoughts of my conscience. For ages I sat, floating in the endless sea of my mind until one day I awoke from my dream and it was finally Christmas!

Merry Christmas everybody!

Edited by debluvscanucks, 11 December 2012 - 08:16 AM.

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#32 BananaMash

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:43 AM

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#33 Hamhuis2

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:52 AM

Ok, so I was laying in bed on Christmas Eve, drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden I heard a loud thump outside. All excited and what not I jumped up and ran to the window. I didn't see anything so I ran to the shed and kicked the door in and grabbed the ladder and, after smashing a few windows, I got onto the roof and I saw, I saw...

Nothing!

So I thought maybe Santa already went down the chimney so I dove into that s*** head first. I blacked out. I awoke to the sound of a blender puréeing a carrot, so I looked up and saw a midget giving it to a duck. "That's weird..." I thought to myself, "I need a beer." So I went to the kitchen and then I realised I wasn't in my home. I think, maybe, so as I turned around I tripped and fell. I kept falling. I was falling through a black void, endless and dark. Suddenly swirls of colour started to run down the walls. The colours started to scream at me, yelling profanities and all that. I stabbed one of the colours and it spewed out glitter and cocaine. I hit the ground. It was all dark and I couldn't see so I opened my eyes. And it was bright. Too bright. So I closed them again. Then I saw a terrible monster. So I opened my eyes again. It was still bright but it was better than a monster. As my eyes adjusted to the brightness, did I mention it was bright?, I noticed that the ground was wavy like the open ocean. It made my legs taste like purple. I didn't like it so I left. I slipped through the spiral sphere outer universe and travelled through the dark void that is my soul. I journeyed to a shadowy place. I met an old man. He told me: "To find what I've been missing in my life I must first find myself." Then he melted and out of his puddle arose a giant dragon. I crapped my pants. Then I though maybe I could throw this at it. But it stuck to my hand so I went to the sink and washed my hands. Twice. I went back to fight the dragon but it melted into a taco so I ate it. It has three different cheeses. After eating the taco I began to get dizzy and I started spinning. Eventually I fell and hit the roof and my head split in half and I crawled out of it. I floated out into the endless well of nightmares and got lost amid the drifting thoughts of my conscience. For ages I sat, floating in the endless sea of my mind until one day I awoke from my dream and it was finally Christmas!

Merry Christmas everybody!


Stopped reading and proceeded to laugh my a$$ off after this.
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#34 Common sense

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:27 AM

Nice try; you mean holiday story.
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#35 Phil_314

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:43 AM

"Not sure if Gumballs drugged or loaded with random brilliance"

(the meme generator site I looked up was down)
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John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.


Jesus LOVES YOU!
2012, meet Matthew 24:36-47!

14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


#36 The Bookie

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:07 AM

dmt is a helluva drug
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#37 Ossi Vaananen

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:58 AM

Dropped acid once, every wall looked like a mirror.

I'll give you credit for the descriptive and creative writing, as misleading as the title may be.
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2d7ye0p.jpg

 

Credit to -Vintage Canuck-


#38 SkeeterHansen

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:18 AM

Is...is this real life?
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#39 debluvscanucks

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:14 AM

You spelled heartburn wrong.

And I'm merging this with the other tall tales thread.
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#40 Gumballthechewy

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:16 AM

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You, my friend, just read the greatest piece of literature ever written.

Stopped reading and proceeded to laugh my a$$ off after this.


It gets better, well I don't know if better is the right word...

Nice try; you mean holiday story.


Ah, my bad...

"Not sure if Gumballs drugged or loaded with random brilliance"

(the meme generator site I looked up was down)


A bit of both maybe?
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#41 Gumballthechewy

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:17 AM

(Had to make two posts, too many quotes it told me.)

dmt is a helluva drug


Pffft! Maybe...

Dropped acid once, every wall looked like a mirror.

I'll give you credit for the descriptive and creative writing, as misleading as the title may be.

You spelled heartburn wrong.

And I'm merging this with the other tall tales thread.


What!? This is heartwarming! It brings a tear to my eye when I read it.

Is...is this real life?


As far as I can tell, yes. Yes it is.

Edited by Gumballthechewy, 11 December 2012 - 11:18 AM.

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#42 MC Fatigue

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:56 PM

You, my friend, just read the greatest piece of literature ever written.


Amazing lyrics? Stories reminiscent of Tolstoy?
Is there anything this guy CAN'T do..??!!
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" I don't understand, can somebody tell me what's going on? Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push-ups on my front lawn?......and why's he wearing lipstick??"

#43 Gumballthechewy

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:37 PM

Is there anything this guy CAN'T do..??!!


No. I'm too amazing to fail at anything.
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