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Let's Write A CDC Christmas Story [Complete]

BananaMash

By BananaMash
in White Noise

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SkeeterHansen Canucks Third-Line

SkeeterHansen

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Mash and I's joint written chapter:

Two days had passed since Alex's mother had begun the injections on Gumball and Tiggies as per Mash's orders. Gumball had become sick to the point that he felt weak, not just physically, but he knew his freewill was diminishing. He'd watched the life slowly fade out of Tiggies eyes as he had started to succumb to the injections. If there was any hope for escape, Gumball would be on his own. Tiggies was just too far gone. Just then, Gumballs thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Alex's mother coming down the stairs.

“It's time for another round of shots gentlemen” she said in a sickeningly sweet and sinister voice. “Oh god no, not again,” Gumball whispered under his breath “there's got to be a way out of here”. Maybe it was Christmas luck, maybe it was just a fluke, but by some twist of fate Gumball noticed that Alex's mother was wearing the key to the basement door around her neck. He would have to think fast, but he needed to get that key if he wanted to survive.

“Mrs. Clause, you're looking fabulous today!” Gumball said convincingly. “That would be a lot sweeter if I didn't think you were just saying that because of the medicine” she replied. “No, I'm serious! Why do you have to be so pent up Mrs. Clause? Is Santa not... Is Santa not satisfying you?” Gumball said in his most seductive voice. “I... I'm very flattered Gumball, and you're a very handsome man Gumball, but Santa doesn't let me play with the toys, if you know what I mean”. “How would he find out Mrs. Clause? No one would have to know” Gumball said, as he leaned in to kiss her neck. Alex's mother was too overwhelmed with emotion to notice that he slipped the key into his mouth. Then, with one swift motion, he knocked Alex's mother out with a swift blow to the head.

Gumball had done it. He was but a few steps from freedom.

“Stop right there” a thick German accented voice boomed. “Mash... how did you...”. “You didn't think I could hear you talking? I was in the living room right across from the basement” Mash replied. Mash's eyes looked tired, even through his now leather-like skin. “One more move Gumball and I blow your head of with my Walther P38”.

“Mash., this isn't you. This isn't the friend I thought I had. What about all the times we hung out? Me, you, and Tiggies were inseparable. That couldn't all have been fake” Gumball pleaded. “We all have disguises Gumball” Mash said unconvincingly. “Not like that. It was too real. Mash, I'm going to turn around, and I will walk out this front door. If you have to shoot me, go ahead. I would rather be dead than be tortured any longer”. Mash glared at Gumball, “Do whatever you feel you have to do” he bellowed in the German accent, this time with more cockiness.

Gumball did turn around to walk out the door, and he heard the gun shot ring through the house with the intensity of a thousand sleigh bells before it hit the flesh. Oddly, Gumball felt no pain. He turned around, only to see Mash sprawled out on the floor with a pool of blood forming around his head and the P38. “Oh Mash,” Gumball said as he strolled out the door “a Christmas suicide, and somehow still the greatest gift he could give”.

Holed up in a motel, two weeks later, Gumball was still feeling the effects of the injections he received while trapped in the Clause’ family basement. He experienced frequent nightmares, intense panic attacks, and was reluctant to leave the hotel room. Too often, he found himself thinking of his friends, Mash and Tigs who suffered an awful fate back at the house. He knew Big Red and Alex would be searching high and low, trying to find Gumball and finish the job. He couldn’t go to the police, because it was too risky. Gumball figured he’d lay low for a while, hopefully they would quit searching.

Gumball decided to head down to the hotel vending machine, to re-stock on Funions and Dr.Pepper, because he was running low. He quickly darted down the stairs and approached the 2nd floor machine. A large, red “OUT OF ORDER” sign adorned the front of the machine, and all of the snacks had been emptied. As risky as it was, Gumball knew there was a machine in the lobby and decided it was worth the risk. He crept down the stairs, and strolled into the lobby on high alert. He nodded at the portly older woman behind the desk, and asked to change a $5 for some quarters. The lady obliged, and handed Gumball the quarters. As Gumball was plugging the quarters into the vending machine, he heard a voice behind him. “Excuse me miss,” said the voice. “Have you got a guest that looks like this?” Gumball turned slowly, and that familiar voice did in fact belong to Alex. He was dressed in an all too convincing policeman uniform, and was holding up a detailed picture of Gumball. The woman glanced over at the machine, and pointed. Gumball was frozen in fear. He watched as Alex slowly turned, and a sinister grin came across his face. “You’re too kind” he said to the attendant. “Here’s a tip.” He held Mash’s P38 up and shot her straight through the head.

Gumball gasped, and the gunshot released him from his frozen state. He turned and pushed open the door, and ran down the street as fast as his legs could take him. Turning the corner, he saw Big Red, standing outside a police squad car. He wasn’t dressed in a policeman uniform, but rather a green shirt with a nametag. “That’s weird,” Gumball thought. As quickly as the thought ended, Big Red glanced over and pulled out a shotgun. He began running toward Gumball, laughing a sinister laugh. Alex coming from behind him, Big Red up ahead, Gumball turned down the alley and ran.

This was riskier than entering the motel lobby. What if it was a dead end? What if Mrs. Clause was awaiting him at the other end? He continued to run, and thankfully the alley was not a dead end. He ran into the street, and a bus had just arrived at its stop across that street. He continued to run toward the bus and jumped on. Alex and Big Red were just far enough behind where they were left behind by the bus. The bus pulled out of its stop and Gumball watched as Alex and his Dad turned around. The bus turned and headed down the adjacent street…the same street where Big Red parked his squad car. The car pulled out from the curb and turned on its lights. They were pulling over the bus!...

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Guest Gumballthechewy

Guest Gumballthechewy

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This chapter is getting pretty big. Can I post it in two halves? One now and the rest when I finish? I'll have it done by the end of the day, it's just that it's a long ending... :P

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Guest Gumballthechewy

Guest Gumballthechewy

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It's probably chock full of spelling mistakes and grammar errors, but here it is:

The Final Chapter

As the bus came to a stop Gumball's heart began beating like a drum. This was it, it was over! Thinking fast he slid open a window on the side and slipped out unnoticed. As luck would have it there was an open man hole nearby. He heard shouting on the bus and gunshots so he acted fast and dashed towards the hole, bullets hitting the pavement around him, and dove head first in. Gumball landed in a deep pool of a thick, sludgy liquid, it stank. After swimming through the sewers for what seemed like hours he started to feel dizzy and woozy, either the drugs were working up again or swimming in human faecal matter was starting to get to him, either way he passed out. "Gumball! Gumball!" He opened his eyes. He couldn't believe it, it was Tigs! "Tigs! You're alive?" He ask. "No, I'm deader than Vanilla Ice's rap career." Tigs replied. "Then how are we conversing?" Asked Gumball. "I'm a ghost you moron!" Said Tigs, "Now shut up and listen! We have to get revengeance, we have to kill Alex and his family." "But, I don't know if I can..." Replied Gumball. "Stop being such a woman! I know four year olds with more balls than you!" Yelled Tigs. Gumball started crying. " See what I mean? You're soft!" Said Tigs, "We need to man you up and prepare you for war!" Gumball looked up with tears in his eyes, "Where do we start?"

Four weeks have passed and Christmas was nigh, Alex and family have take control of the city and have imposed a lockdown and curfew. Times are dark and dreary. At the centre of the city a huge palace was built and named Santa's Workshop, 'twas an evil place indeed. Black smoke came pouring from large stacks, there was sounds of machines running 24/7. A cloaked figure stood outside the gates, watching, waiting. Inside the palace Alex was talking with Big Red. "He's still alive father! I know it!" Alex said. "Give it a rest will you!" Yelled his father, "he's dead, end of story! Now I must prepare, there have been a lot of naughty girls and boys this year." And with that Big Red left the room. Alex stood there, lost in thought. "He's still alive, I know it." He whispered to himself. Suddenly a hooded figure in black came smashing in through the window. "Who are you?" Asked Alex. "I am the one who will end you and this dystopian society you've created." Said the hooded man with a gruff, manly voice that would have made any lady become moist if they heard it. "Really?" Laughed Alex, "And how are you going to do this? In about five second fifty of the most well trained commandos are going to come through that door behind you and make you wish you stayed in whatever hole you crawled out of." Oh?" Said the hooded figure, "You mean you want me to crawl back into the sewers?" Alex gasped, "Y-y-you? It's you?" He stammered. The man pulled down his hood to reveal a ruggedly handsome face adorned with scars, chiseled through weeks of harsh training in human waste, a face that would have made any lady nearby swoon and faint. Gumball had returned. "Yes it is I, and have come to extract revenge for Tigs and Mash!" Gumball declared. "But Mash was working for us." Replied Alex. "That's beside the point!" Gumball retorted, "I'm going to kill you and your father and free the people you've enslaved!" And with that Gumball pulled a katana and Alex drew a broadsword. They exchanged furious blows, back and forth, evenly matched it would seem. "You fight well for someone who's been playing in s*** for weeks!" Taunted Alex. "And you fight well for someone lost an arm!" Retorted Gumball. Alex hesitated, "But, I haven't lost an arm..." And with that Gumball hewed off Alex's right arm at the shoulder. "Ahhh! You dirty, cheap, no good son of a-" Alex began. "Are you ready to die Alex?" Interrupted Gumball. Alex smiled, "You can kill me but my father is the one who runs the show and if you fight him you'll wish you had never been born!" He shouted. Gumball picked up Alex's severed arm and slapped him with it. "What the hell was that for!" Screamed Alex. Without answering Gumball picked up the broadsword and ran Alex through with it and pinned him to the wall on it. Gumball walked close to Alex and said quietly, "I am going to leave you here to slowly die so you have time to think about how I'm going to kill your family one by one until the city is free again." Alex spit a mouthful of blood into Gumball's face, "Eat s***." He said. "Oh I have." Replied Gumball, "I have." And with that Gumball left the room.

"Now," he thought to himself, "I need to find Big Red and end this." Just then he heard a noise up ahead, it was Mary Claus. He stopped and looked at her and she at him. She opened her mouth to speak but Gumball put a finger on her beautiful ruby red lips. "Shh" he said, "don't say a word. The feelings we shared in the basement were true and I'm sorry had to knock you out my love but run, run far away from here, when this is over I will come find you." He told her. "But, what if you don't make it my love?" She asked with tears welling up in her beautiful green eyes. "I will." He replied, " I must." With that she turned and fled. Gumball, now with the fire burning ever more fierce within him, hurried through the palace looking for Big Red. Finally he came to a large double door wrought with candy canes and reindeer. "This must be it." He thought to himself. He took a deep breath and opened the doors. It was dark inside as Gumball stepped through. The doors slammed shut behind him, all was dark and quiet.

"Ho ho ho! Someone's been a very naughty boy!" Came a jolly booming voice out of the darkness. "Where are you fat man!" Yelled Gumball, "Show yourself!" "As you wish." The voice replied and the lights came on, nearly blinding Gumball. There he was, The Big Red Man, sitting on a candy cane throne made from the bones and flesh of all who opposed his oppressive rule. "So," his voice boomed, "You have killed my son, seduced my wife and now you are here to kill me, right?" He mocked. Gumball stood silent, he wasn't going to play these reindeer games, he was here for one thing and one thing only, to kill Big Red. "So," whispered Big Red menacingly, "To good for some banter then, eh? No matter, I'll make do." He taunted. "Let's end this fat man!" Yelled Gumball. "Yes, let's." replied Big Red.

Big Red pulled a candy cane fashioned into a sword and Gumball his trusty katana and their blades met, like a crash of thunder they connected one after the other, the sound of ringing steel resonating throughout the room. After a particularly fierce series of blows both weapons broke. Gumball looked at the hilt of his once majestic sword, "Huh." He said. Big Red threw his aside, "Why the hell are we using swords anyway!?" He shouted and pulled a gun on Gumball, "You fought valiantly but now it's time for you to die." But before he could pull the trigger Gumball threw his broken sword at him and knocked the gun out of Big Red's hand. Big Red rushed Gumball and knees him in the ball. "Jingle balls, bitch!" He yelled. Big Red continued to pummel Gumball. But then, when all seemed lost, Mash appeared, dressed in a skin tight, bright pink unitard and a cape. "Gumball, I've come to save you!" He shouted. "What the ho?" Said Big Red. "Mash?" Said Gumball puzzled, "I thought you were dead? And a nazi?" "No!" Replied Mash, "That was my evil, nazi twin brother, Mush." Said Mash. "I am here to save you, take this, it's his only weakness!" Shouted Mash as he threw something at Gumball. "Ho ho ho! I don't think so little man!" Big Red yelled. "Quick Gumball! I'll distract him!" Yelled Mash. Gumball looked at what he had caught, it was a silver bullet, so he picked up the gun that had been dropped earlier and luckily is was the same caliber, so he loaded it up and took aim. Big Red and Mash where moving to and fro and Gumball couldn't get a good shot. "I can't take the shot!" He yelled. "Just do it!" Mash yelled back, "Don't worry about me, just do it! So Gumball aimed down the sights lined them up and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit Big Red right between the shoulder baldes. There was a tremendous explosion and blood guts and jello went flying everywhere.

When all had settled Gumball looked about for Mash, he found him buried under literally a ton of gore Gumball found him, bloody, bruised but alive. "How did you know silver would kill him?" Asked Gumball. "Silver?" Replied Mash slightly confused, "That bullet was packed with explosives." "Then what was with the whole, 'it's his only weakness' thing?" Asked Gumball. "I was being dramatic!" Mash replied. They looked at each other and laughed. "We did it Mash! We saved Chrismas!" Said Gumball, "If only Tigs could be here to see it." "Yeah, too bad..." Said Mash, "Oh well, we can still tell him about it." "No Mash, he's dead." Said Gumball. "No he's not, he's at my place." Replied Mash, "After my evil twin killed himself and you escaped Alex and his family took off and left us there, I managed to get free and found Tigs all drugged out, he didn't seem to want to be saved but I took him back to my place." Gumball stood there shocked. "He's alive!?" He said, "Wait, then who or what trained me in the sewers?" "Sewers?" Mash asked, "Wait, no, I don't want to know. Let's go home and tell Tigs all about what happened here!" "Yes Mash, let's go!"replied Gumball.

And so the Hero's went back to Mash's house and told Tigs all about it. Christmas was saved and the city slowly got back to normal. Tigs went on to become CEO of a successful business that sold used condoms, Mash became the best male stripper that ever walk the lands, everywhere he went women threw themselves at him often resulting him being hospitalised, Gumball and Mary Claus got married and had three children all of which became successful axe murderers.

THE END

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