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NHL Related Joke Thread


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#1 Raymond Ballard and a 1st

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 05:29 PM

Hi guys,

I thought it'd be fun to create a thread that revolves around witty NHL related jokes.

I guess I'll kick it off

What did the Toronto Maple Leafs fan do after the Leafs won the Stanley Cup?

He turned off his X-box and went to bed. :towel:

Any other good jokes anyone know? Post them up!
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#2 Erik Karlsson

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 05:50 PM

Heard this one.


How many Bruins does it take to change a tire?



1, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up.
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Credit to -Vintage Canuck-


#3 Wedge-tailed Eagle

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 05:59 PM

A Rangers fan, an Islanders fan, a Devils fan and a Flyers fan were all mountain climbing together one day. As they were climbing up the mountain, they were going back and forth with each other over whose team was the best. When they finally reach the top of the mountain, all four are standing around when the Islanders fan inexplicably says "This one is for the Islanders" and jumps off the mountain. The Flyers fan, not wanting to be out done, says this one is for the Flyers," and jumps off the mountain. The Devils fan then says "This one is for everybody" and pushes the Rangers fan off the cliff!


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#4 Beluga Whale

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:05 PM

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I put a Schneider sticker on my car and now it won't start.
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#5 Raymond Ballard and a 1st

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:07 PM

I put a Schneider sticker on my car and now it won't start.


Hahaha, good one!
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#6 lee goren rulez69

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:08 PM

What time is it in Vancouver?

Spoiler

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#7 Madness

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:08 PM

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Here's an NHL Joke : the Calgary Flames
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We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes

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#8 The Analyst

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:20 PM

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A Business Man, an International Student and a Diehard Fan are on the steps outside Rogers' Arena when they find a Lamp on the street. They rub the lamp and out pops a genie.
"I will grant you each one wish," says the genie.

The Business Man grabs the lamp and says, "I wish for a great place for all us businessmen to bring clients and strike deals"

*Poof*

All of a sudden all Businessmen and clients appear in a beautiful penthouse in Las Vegas. With endless Booze, money and cigars.

The International Student takes his turn and says, "I wish for all the students, that they learn English and have a good job back home"

*Poof*

Immediately all the students are magically educated and appear across their home countries with jobs as Doctors, Lawyers and Architects.

The genie turns to the Diehard hockey fan and say, "what do you wish for?"

The Canucks Fan says, "You mean to tell me that all the Suits and all the International Students are gone?"

The Genie says yes.

The Canucks fan says, "I'll have a coke then"
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#9 Raymond Ballard and a 1st

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:24 PM

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Here's an NHL Joke : the Calgary Flames


Q: What’s the difference between a fat chick and the Flames?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
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#10 Brad Marchand

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:26 PM

Why is it so windy in Saskatchewan?

Because the Leafs suck and the Flames blow.
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#11 Caboose

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:27 PM

What do the Canucks and a training bra have in common?

No cups.
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#12 JimLahey

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:35 PM

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What do the Canucks and a training bra have in common?

No cups.


What to the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

They look great until they hit the ice.

;)
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#13 PartyTimeWithJeffCarter

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 06:51 PM

Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Columbus Blue Jackets
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"Well I got a bad liver and broken heart,
I drunk me a river since you tore me apart
And I don't have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can't get a drink..." - Jeff Carter (probably)

#14 Dayman

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:00 PM

Why doesn't the Sabres coach shave?

Beause he likes it Ruff




:bigblush:

Edited by Seth Jones, 05 February 2013 - 07:01 PM.

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#15 SkeeterHansen

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:25 PM

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Toronto. All of a sudden, they are attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. The dog attacks the one boy and the other boy, thinking quickly, wedges his hockey stick between the dogs collar and twists, breaking its neck. A reporter, who happened to be walking by, rushes over to the young boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal" he starts writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Leafs fan", said the little boy. "Sorry, said the reporter. Being in Toronto, I figured you would be." He then begins to write "Young Jays Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack". The boy again replies "I'm not a Jays fan." The reporter, clearly confused, asked "Well, we're in Toronto. Everyone here is either a Leafs fan or a Jays fan. Which team do you root for, then?". The boy replies "I cheer for the Ottawa Senators". The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little Sh** from Ottawa Kills Beloved Family Pet".

Edited by MaximYapierre, 05 February 2013 - 07:27 PM.

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CANUCKS TILL I DIE

#16 250Integra

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

Aaron Rome
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Thanks for the Memories Canada!!!
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#17 pimpcurtly

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:29 PM

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Toronto. All of a sudden, they are attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. The dog attacks the one boy and the other boy, thinking quickly, wedges his hockey stick between the dogs collar and twists, breaking its neck. A reporter, who happened to be walking by, rushes over to the young boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal" he starts writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Leafs fan", said the little boy. "Sorry, said the reporter. Being in Toronto, I figured you would be." He then begins to write "Young Jays Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack". The boy again replies "I'm not a Jays fan." The reporter, clearly confused, asked "Well, we're in Toronto. Everyone here is either a Leafs fan or a Jays fan. Which team do you root for, then?". The boy replies "I cheer for the Ottawa Senators". The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little Sh** from Ottawa Kills Beloved Family Pet".


I'm betting that reporter was Damien Cox. ;)
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#18 SkeeterHansen

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:30 PM

I'm betting that reporter was Damien Cox. ;)


Ziiiiiiiing!
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CANUCKS TILL I DIE

#19 King Heffy

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 07:56 PM

It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Toronto Maple Leafs.'
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Put Gino in the ROH


#20 canucks.bradley

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 08:10 PM

Joke: Canucks Defence
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3000th post - September, 2010

K guys I nd hlp fast. Im @ a girls I rly like & txtng from my iphone. I did a #2 in the bathroom and it plugged, water is almost overflowing toilet. Srsly I dunno wut 2 do somebody help!


Watch Bowness somehow mess up Tampa Bay's already amazing 2 powerplay units...he'll probably tell Stamkos to do drop passes from centre ice, take him out from the faceoff dot, and place him infront of the goalie :lol:


#21 whysoserious

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

What do the Maple Leafs and possums have in common?

Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.


_____

Bobby Orr walks into an ice cream parlor with some discomfort, he slides into the stool and orders a banana split.

The waitress asks, "crushed nuts?"

He replies, "no, bad knees."

Edited by whysoserious, 05 February 2013 - 09:56 PM.

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#22 Kass9

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:42 PM

NHL related joke, eh?

How about them refs.
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#23 Raymond Ballard and a 1st

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:58 PM

NHL related joke, eh?

How about them refs.


No, the way the refs make bad calls are no laughing matter.
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#24 Raymond Ballard and a 1st

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

Aaron Rome


The best player in the NHL is no laughing matter hahaha
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#25 Tony Romo

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:28 PM

What do you call a Vancouver Canuck player with a Stanley cup ring?
A thief



Sorry
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Thanks to Raoul Duke for the Russell Wilson sig.

#26 Kass9

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

Didn't Quenville call Emery a thief/criminal recently?

That's racist.
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#27 James van Riemsdyk

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:48 PM

Brad Marchand's face.
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#28 pwnstar

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 11:59 PM

How to spot a counterfeit playoff ticket:

-thin paper
-no barcode
-has the words "Toronto or "Calgary" on it.
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#29 Dellins

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 01:01 AM

What's the difference between a puddle of water and the Flames?

The puddle has more depth.
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#30 etsen3

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 11:45 AM

I had two Flames tickets sitting on my dash, some moron broke into my car and left two more.
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