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How confident are you in your ability to judge character?


Mainly Mattias

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For the most part, sure. I can usually smell a douche bag from a mile away, and know to keep my distance, but that doesn't mean I'm not wrong about people on occasion. I've probably gotten a lot better at it over time.

Years spent in India led to an overload of jackassery from others. It's not like I was caught flat-footed by any of it; to the contrary it made me trust my initial instincts of people a lot more. People who seem smarmy and fake, generally tend to be smarmy and fake.

I'm somewhat introverted in that I don't reach out to people without having a reason to do so. Like everyone, I filter through acquaintances, and decide who I want to keep as only an acquaintance. A lot of introverts would use the excuse that they keep people out of their lives because people tend to be jackasses, but that's again something that doesn't apply to me necessarily. I'm a very open person to a fairly large group of people. I don't have a disparaging view on society in general that I would blanketly block out people. You could put whatever label you want on that.

I'm suppose I'm lucky that at this point in my life I'm not forced at any point to put my trust into someone that I don't want to trust.

I'm only 25, so there's still plenty of time for someone to come in and shatter my trust in one way or another. I'm not naive enough to believe that wouldn't happen. But from people I've let into my life in a true manner so far, at most what I've gotten is disappointment, nothing life changingly horrendous.

Have I witnessed something that seemed like a personality transplant in someone that I'd long considered a friend? Yeah, but the manner in which it happened/why it happened, and how they were phased out of my life, wouldn't fit the description and theme of disappointment that people in this thread seem to be reaching for in their examples.

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Almost everyone thinks they are a good judge of character. Most people are awful judges of character. I fin that people can be open and honest when they want to be, but generally they are all liars and BSer's to some extent. It takes a hell of a lot for someone to earn my trust.

One thing I have learned is that anyone looking to buy something is full of it and is likely to lie more than the person trying to sell something tot hem even though most people think it's the other way.

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For me, I thought that this person was a friend and a good person for a long time. I trusted them (and I don't trust people easily) and it turned out that I was wrong to have trusted them. I pretty much cut them out of my life once I found out the truth.

Re: introvert vs extrovert: I think that I'm an extrovert to a certain extent. I'm social and can pretty much talk to anyone, but I'm also very private. I don't often reveal a lot about myself; especially not to people I don't know well.

I used to be a very shy, quiet person. Now, not so much.

This sounds exactly what happened to me!! However this was a complete stranger who I got to know so well in the course of a few weeks as we hung out all the time. I don't open up to people at all about my personal life but it felt different with this friend. I myself am an extrovert as I talk to many people but certain things about my personal life I keep to myself as well. I've never let a person affect me in such a way. One day I decided to just cut them out and its only been a few weeks but it feels like its been forever lol.

As for you stating you were shy before that was like me but over the course of the last year I've become such an outgoing and talkative person.

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Sort of off-topic but on the topic of introvert/extrovert.. I don't 100% agree with this but it explains why after a weekend of social partying I crave my down time, whereas some can just keep. on. going. with the proverbial "let's go do something, I'm bored."

I'm never bored. I'm either doing stuff, or I'm recharging.

GuideToUnderstandingTheIntroverted-87361

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I will tell you people (me) can be jaded over time and start to believe that everyone is awful. That's happening to me to some degree.

Once you've been burned a few times it starts to cloud that judgement and you shut down and think everyone's an ass.

People who give a lot tend to have that taken advantage of and exploited at times. Good people wouldn't do that....they'd appreciate and reciprocate. But I'm learning that not everyone's a nice guy/girl.

When I started my new job my ex was leery of a few things...he tried to warn me. He has a LOT of experience in a large scale workforce and is in charge of 2,000 people. But I sloughed off his feedback because "these are good people".

Well, FF 5 years and I find out that they really are not. He saw what I couldn't. I want to believe people are good but, over time in giving of myself and not really feeling the same in return, I am becoming leery. Everyone is on my radar. It's harshening me (n/m spellcheck, I made it up). Maybe, in a street sense way, that's a good thing.

Those instinctual feelings are still there but, at times, I'm blinded by a smile or kindness that's a manipulative thing more than warmth and sincerity. I tune it out because I want to believe people are good.

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I am both extroverted and introverted .. I gave up trying to 'judge' people early in my life .. I accept people at face value and thus place my trust in them, and then deal with the consequence .. the alternative is to go thru life without ever celebrating the goodness in other people.

I have a few amazingly close friends, and those are only possible thru trust.

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way to leave everyone hanging

I kinda elaborated in my next post. Kinda. :P

This sounds exactly what happened to me!! However this was a complete stranger who I got to know so well in the course of a few weeks as we hung out all the time. I don't open up to people at all about my personal life but it felt different with this friend. I myself am an extrovert as I talk to many people but certain things about my personal life I keep to myself as well. I've never let a person affect me in such a way. One day I decided to just cut them out and its only been a few weeks but it feels like its been forever lol.

As for you stating you were shy before that was like me but over the course of the last year I've become such an outgoing and talkative person.

I thought I would miss that person a lot more than I actually did/do. When I found out about their lie, it was the slap in the face that I needed. I think on some level, I knew our friendship wasn't good for me so when I finally cut them out for good, I felt relieved. It just sucks because I always thought this person was a good person until all that crap started happening.

I think the turning point for me started when I was in grade 10. Then I just steadily got more social and outgoing from there. I feel like I get more extroverted the older I get. :lol:

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I will tell you people (me) can be jaded over time and start to believe that everyone is awful. That's happening to me to some degree.

Once you've been burned a few times it starts to cloud that judgement and you shut down and think everyone's an ass.

People who give a lot tend to have that taken advantage of and exploited at times. Good people wouldn't do that....they'd appreciate and reciprocate. But I'm learning that not everyone's a nice guy/girl.

When I started my new job my ex was leery of a few things...he tried to warn me. He has a LOT of experience in a large scale workforce and is in charge of 2,000 people. But I sloughed off his feedback because "these are good people".

Well, FF 5 years and I find out that they really are not. He saw what I couldn't. I want to believe people are good but, over time in giving of myself and not really feeling the same in return, I am becoming leery. Everyone is on my radar. It's harshening me (n/m spellcheck, I made it up). Maybe, in a street sense way, that's a good thing.

Those instinctual feelings are still there but, at times, I'm blinded by a smile or kindness that's a manipulative thing more than warmth and sincerity. I tune it out because I want to believe people are good.

Tell me about it. Now I'm at the point that if I sense a hint of anyone taking advantage of me, I react unproportionally. Used to be the initiator, the outing planner, the people bringer-togetherer.. now i resent having to go out to socialize and maintain all the relationships.

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Have you ever been duped?

Have you been gobsmacked by a hidden trait in someone's personality?

I have been astounded by what some old coworkers/acquaintances have ended up being: (alleged) cheater, rapist, unsuccessful thief, violent alcoholic. Thankfully I haven't been personally affected, but it makes you question your ability to judge people's characters, you know?

As much as you want to believe that people present their entire personality to you, there are some bad eggs that aren't nicely labelled as such. The question is.. how well can you identify the bad eggs among us?

(on a semi-related note: Here's an article from the HP - 11 Signs You May Be Dating a Sociopath. Happy dating, everyone!)

I have never been wrong except when i look in the mirror..

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