BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Let's make a thread filled with the worst possible life advice we can think of, so that it can all be easily accessed in one place when we need it. I'll get us started: Life advice: The morning after a night of heavy drinking, the best way to pee is standing up. There is absolutely zero chance you will have the beer poops and poop yourself a little bit. Edit: Feel free to ask for advice in this thread also, one of our many contributors will be happy to assist you as soon as possible. Link to comment
sharnhayre Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Always cook bacon with your shirt off Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 When approached by a strange aggressive dog, the best thing to do is run up to it quickly and try to rub his belly. Link to comment
Kazmanian Devil Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Be open and forward with your credit card information, especially on the internet. Link to comment
RonMexico Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 When trying to find a life mate, just be yourself because this has worked really well for many people. Link to comment
sharnhayre Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 When in a job interview, tell them you have no weaknesses and are perfect Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 It's okay to get into crippling debt as long as you know that you'll die before it needs to be paid off. Link to comment
sharnhayre Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 When you get an email saying there is millions of dollars available to you from a stranger in a foreign country as long as you help them, always be a good friend and give them your bank account information. You will be rewarded for your generosity heavily Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 If you don't have at least one felony on your record, most employers will think you do not have enough life experience for their company. Link to comment
Kazmanian Devil Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Trust David from the investment fraud PSA's Link to comment
aGENT Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Always cook bacon with your shirt off Full nude. There's nothing as exhilarating as flaming hot bacon grease on your nether regions. Link to comment
jdatb Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Don't have any advice myself, but would like a question I have to be addressed by this thread. How do I get a girlfriend? Step by step detailed procedure please. Link to comment
sharnhayre Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Always close the door when there is someone behind you hoping to get in/out Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 First day after you get you "N" drivers license, be sure to visit your local Police station and do a burn out in front of them. They really really like seeing young punks do that sort of thing. Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 Don't have any advice myself, but would like a question I have to be addressed by this thread. How do I get a girlfriend? Step by step detailed procedure please. 1 - Be sure to get buff. This does not necessarily mean get muscle. Women can't tell the different between fat and muscle, and it's easier to put on fat. Make sure you're around 200 pounds regardless of your height (minimum). 2 - Use copious amounts of gel in your hair so it's nice and crispy. This tells the woman that you care about your personal appearance, and she'll be just dying to touch your spikes. 3 - Make sure to flaunt some amount of cash around. Women are not good at seeing numbers, so it doesn't matter how large the bills are. My personal favorite is to stash a wad of Canadian Tire 5 cent bills, they almost look like real money to a woman. If you're sly enough, she will not even notice. 4 - Do not allow anyone to establish an emotional connection with you. Girls hate to see guys do that girly stuff. 5 - Do not talk unless required, this will make you seem dark and mysterious. 6 - When it comes time to ask the girl out, make sure to tell her that "she'll do, [you] guess". This stops her from getting overly confident in herself, and girls HATE having self confidence. She will likely never leave you if you follow this crucial step. Happy dating! Link to comment
Alchemy Time Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 If you have to write a paper, make sure to wait until the last minute. You will be older and therefore wiser, so your paper will end up being better. Link to comment
Gyllenhaal Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 If your in a rush in the morning and need to eat but still have to take a shower, just bring your toaster in to the shower! Link to comment
zombieksa Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Yes is always an acceptable answer to the question "Do I look fat in this dress?" Link to comment
PhillipBlunt Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 When responding to an email from Prince Reynold from Nigeria, make sure you give him all the information he requires to transfer you the $500,000 he promised. I'm looking forward to receiving my "cut". I sure could use it. Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 If you girlfriend is being needy it is okay to tell her that you're "not in love with her anymore". When you want to have her attention again, simply saying "I was just kidding" will be enough to win her back! Link to comment
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