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The Horrible Life Advice Thread


BananaMash

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1 - Be sure to get buff. This does not necessarily mean get muscle. Women can't tell the different between fat and muscle, and it's easier to put on fat. Make sure you're around 200 pounds regardless of your height (minimum).

2 - Use copious amounts of gel in your hair so it's nice and crispy. This tells the woman that you care about your personal appearance, and she'll be just dying to touch your spikes.

3 - Make sure to flaunt some amount of cash around. Women are not good at seeing numbers, so it doesn't matter how large the bills are. My personal favorite is to stash a wad of Canadian Tire 5 cent bills, they almost look like real money to a woman. If you're sly enough, she will not even notice.

4 - Do not allow anyone to establish an emotional connection with you. Girls hate to see guys do that girly stuff.

5 - Do not talk unless required, this will make you seem dark and mysterious.

6 - When it comes time to ask the girl out, make sure to tell her that "she'll do, [you] guess". This stops her from getting overly confident in herself, and girls HATE having self confidence. She will likely never leave you if you follow this crucial step.

Happy dating!

You are amazing man! Thanks a bunches Imma go out tonight and hook up!

Cops can't give you tickets if you don't have your license on you.

Truth. I once drove into another car and since I didn't have my license the cops charged the other guy with the damages.

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I want to have a baby so that my significant other stays with me forever. I need to do it in a way that he doesn't know I did it on purpose

I need ideas

The classic route of poking holes in the condom will most likely work best for you. Also, if you're on birth control currently, I'd stop taking it and just pop some candies that look similar to your particular brand if there's a chance he will see.

When you get the news that you're pregnant, break down and cry. Do not show any excitement. Make sure to tell him that you need to be there for each other in this emotionally trying time.

Good luck and have fun!

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