confessions

[MeanSeanBean]

18 hours ago, Cramarossa said:

Life doesn't feel worth living with no one to share it with.

None of my damn business, but that is unhealthy. You can't love anyone else until you can unconditionally love yourself. While I agree that sharing experiences can and is an amazing part of the human experience, it is not the entire human experience. 

[Cramarossa]

5 hours ago, shayster007 said:

None of my damn business, but that is unhealthy. You can't love anyone else until you can unconditionally love yourself. While I agree that sharing experiences can and is an amazing part of the human experience, it is not the entire human experience. 

I do love me.

 

Being educated, having a good job, making decent money...I am fortunate to have these and many more things. They just aren't as enjoyable alone.

 

I have worked a lot to try and build myself up as an individual this year. I have a lot going for me. But it's obvious what's missing. 

[JM_]

8 minutes ago, Cramarossa said:

I do love me.

 

Being educated, having a good job, making decent money...I am fortunate to have these and many more things. They just aren't as enjoyable alone.

 

I have worked a lot to try and build myself up as an individual this year. I have a lot going for me. But it's obvious what's missing. 

I don't know if it helps, but I did feel very much the same way. I was able to meet a great partner through work, but prior to that I did meet people by joining activity groups that I liked, particularly photography and outdoor stuff. I found that it was a lot easier to connect over an activity than places like bars where I just felt like an idiot. 

[Twilight Sparkle]

On 5/17/2019 at 9:35 PM, Cramarossa said:

I do love me.

 

Being educated, having a good job, making decent money...I am fortunate to have these and many more things. They just aren't as enjoyable alone.

 

I have worked a lot to try and build myself up as an individual this year. I have a lot going for me. But it's obvious what's missing. 

tbh just being with someone isn't the end all be all. you can look around and see people getting married and being happy with someone, and you being like, man I want a piece of that, but for the majority of my life, I was alone. Growing up in and out of foster homes for the majority of my childhood, because my mom valued liquor and pills over her kids, I learned real fast that I'm just better off alone. it didn't help that being in these foster homes, that i witnessed some pretty bad stuff happening to my sister at the time, so that stuck with me and I just never trusted anyone.

 

looking back at my early life experiences, I was better off not trusting anyone. I've had some of those thoughts throughout hs, and after, man life is going kinda ok, and i kinda wanna be like everyone else and be one of those dicks who share on social media with my partner of how validated i am. i can be that now, but I choose not to, because that's not who i am. I don't want to parade my personal life on social media for reasons that dont have something to do with some kind of mental health awareness

 

and with that, i have a wedding, like, tomorrow, and i'm just recently bringing it up, because how can anyone not be hyped about a wedding, especially between people who met on CDC-- that's a tradition here. with that being said, if i had a dime for everyone who asked me "oH YoUr GeTtInG cLoSe, R U nErVoUs?" i might have enough to afford a honeymoon. like, frig off, no im not nervous. im not giving you the answer that you want, i'm shutting that down

[Wilbur]

On May 19, 2019 at 12:17 AM, Twilight Sparkle said:

tbh just being with someone isn't the end all be all. you can look around and see people getting married and being happy with someone, and you being like, man I want a piece of that, but for the majority of my life, I was alone. Growing up in and out of foster homes for the majority of my childhood, because my mom valued liquor and pills over her kids, I learned real fast that I'm just better off alone. it didn't help that being in these foster homes, that i witnessed some pretty bad stuff happening to my sister at the time, so that stuck with me and I just never trusted anyone.

 

looking back at my early life experiences, I was better off not trusting anyone. I've had some of those thoughts throughout hs, and after, man life is going kinda ok, and i kinda wanna be like everyone else and be one of those dicks who share on social media with my partner of how validated i am. i can be that now, but I choose not to, because that's not who i am. I don't want to parade my personal life on social media for reasons that dont have something to do with some kind of mental health awareness

 

and with that, i have a wedding, like, tomorrow, and i'm just recently bringing it up, because how can anyone not be hyped about a wedding, especially between people who met on CDC-- that's a tradition here. with that being said, if i had a dime for everyone who asked me "oH YoUr GeTtInG cLoSe, R U nErVoUs?" i might have enough to afford a honeymoon. like, frig off, no im not nervous. im not giving you the answer that you want, i'm shutting that down

A late congrats by the way!

 

I got the nervous question a few times but it wasn't beaten to death.  Never thought it had applied to me, honestly.  I could see being nervous if you had never lived with you spouse before and all the, um, fun that goes with that.  But I had lived with her for over a year in part to see if marriage did make sense, leaving nothing to be much nervous about.  The wedding was more a celebration rather than the beginning of a journey together as the journey had already begun.

 

 

[falcon45ca]

On 5/17/2019 at 6:11 PM, shayster007 said:

None of my damn business, but that is unhealthy. You can't love anyone else until you can unconditionally love yourself. While I agree that sharing experiences can and is an amazing part of the human experience, it is not the entire human experience. 

Well, I hate myself yet love many others, soooooooo...false dichotomy?

[MeanSeanBean]

10 hours ago, falcon45ca said:

Well, I hate myself yet love many others, soooooooo...false dichotomy?

I still stand by what I say. In the context of that example, and sharing a life with another person. I don't think it would be possible to show another human unconditional love if you are not happy with yourself.

[Coconuts]

I've been musing over what friendship could have been if I'd met a woman away from her work. Long story short I've spent a lot of time at a youth service over the years job hunting, building resumes, ect and there were a few people there I'd always talk to. Most of em were roughly my age and either students or recently graduated from uni and she was one of em. We developed a good rapport over the years and I found out about a month ago when I went down there that she was moving to Port Alberni to work somewhere else, all from her of course. 

 

I'm fully aware of what professional guidelines are in place in that sort of work environment and the ethical side of it but I offered friendship anyway and we had a brief conversation about the things I've just mentioned. Admittedly I'm still upset about it, I don't often meet people I develop rapport with. I don't really meet people in general, I stay pretty busy. I don't like losing connections I suppose, I don't think anyone does. It's not anyone's fault or anything, it's just how life worked out. 

 

It's also given me things to think about going forward and I enter a similar field. I'll meet many people but clients are clients at or away from work. 

[falcon45ca]

10 hours ago, Coconuts said:

I've been musing over what friendship could have been if I'd met a woman away from her work. Long story short I've spent a lot of time at a youth service over the years job hunting, building resumes, ect and there were a few people there I'd always talk to. Most of em were roughly my age and either students or recently graduated from uni and she was one of em. We developed a good rapport over the years and I found out about a month ago when I went down there that she was moving to Port Alberni to work somewhere else, all from her of course. 

 

I'm fully aware of what professional guidelines are in place in that sort of work environment and the ethical side of it but I offered friendship anyway and we had a brief conversation about the things I've just mentioned. Admittedly I'm still upset about it, I don't often meet people I develop rapport with. I don't really meet people in general, I stay pretty busy. I don't like losing connections I suppose, I don't think anyone does. It's not anyone's fault or anything, it's just how life worked out. 

 

It's also given me things to think about going forward and I enter a similar field. I'll meet many people but clients are clients at or away from work. 

"Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires."

[Master 112]

I am broken.

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

I rescheduled somewhere where I was going to be so I could hopefully get a ticket for the NHL Draft.  I thought about it in length, and being at home at 10am was the place to be.  Is that bad of me?  

[falcon45ca]

7 hours ago, 112 said:

I am broken.

Physically, mentally, financially, philosophically?

[luckylager]

9 hours ago, 112 said:

I am broken.

We all are. Maybe it's just me and the life I've chosen to live, but recognizing you're broken is the first step in understanding how &^@#ing broken everyone is.

 

So much damage, so little time.

 

 

11 minutes ago, falcon45ca said:

Physically, mentally, financially, philosophically?

Wholly is my guess. If you can admit you're broken, you can start the rebuild.

 

I was rebuilt, but there's still scars.

[falcon45ca]

1 hour ago, luckylager said:

We all are. Maybe it's just me and the life I've chosen to live, but recognizing you're broken is the first step in understanding how &^@#ing broken everyone is.

 

So much damage, so little time.

 

 

Wholly is my guess. If you can admit you're broken, you can start the rebuild.

 

I was rebuilt, but there's still scars.

"If the fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise."

 

You're right. We are injured so that we may heal. 

 

"Pain or damage don't end the world, or despair or f***ing beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."

[falcon45ca]

4 hours ago, brilac said:

I confess ~

 

I rescheduled somewhere where I was going to be so I could hopefully get a ticket for the NHL Draft.  I thought about it in length, and being at home at 10am was the place to be.  Is that bad of me?  

It depends on what you blew off. 

[brilac]

14 minutes ago, falcon45ca said:

It depends on what you blew off. 

I rescheduled.  Why couldn't the NHL Draft tickets go on sale Friday? 

[falcon45ca]

Just now, brilac said:

I rescheduled.  Why couldn't the NHL Draft tickets go on sale Friday? 

I blame either Trump, Putin, or Bettman. Maybe all 3.

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

I drank the bottle of champagne last night, and my body is not feeling that great today.  It took me 5 hours to drink it.  I'm a slow drinker and I like to enjoy the champagne.  Maybe it is  the cod and dessert I had while drinking it.  Right now, I am drinking Kombucha and eating a salad.  Hopefully I will get better.  I have a headache as well.  

[falcon45ca]

Just now, brilac said:

I confess ~

 

I drank the bottle of champagne last night, and my body is not feeling that great today.  It took me 5 hours to drink it.  I'm a slow drinker and I like to enjoy the champagne.  Maybe it is  the cod and dessert I had while drinking it.  Right now, I am drinking Kombucha and eating a salad.  Hopefully I will get better.  I have a headache as well.  

No priest will ever absolve you of the sin of drinking kombucha

[Master 112]

I was being asphyxiated and thought I was being murdered. It didn't hit me until some time after the actual event, but I am completely traumatized. It hurts even more because of all the $&!# I've gone through in my life before this. But I have never been hurt so extremely.