Dazzle Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 This girl is/was a family friend. We had more than several dates and we've established that we liked each other. That being said, i was being very delicate at ensuring that our friendship would remain intact. This eventually was a downfall. I will try and be as honest to reality as possible. We made lots of calls (every night or every other night) and skyped a lot. Our conversations seemed endless. Then we drifted apart. I was too busy (i.e i was stressed, went out a few times too many, etc). I didn't give her the attention she wanted/needed. She turned distant on me and i asked her about it, twice. She lied twice. Eventually she'd tell me that she wasn't cool with what happened. She wanted to stay as friends. We had a phone conversation argument over her decision. She said she had "trouble expressing her feelings". I told her that she should've talked about this before making a drastic decision. She apologized and I was able to change her mind over it, so things seemed okay. But, our conversations became less and less interesting. The tension was clearly present. After asking her twice about what was on her mind (the same two times as the above), she admitted that she was distant and that her "feelings had changed", but still wanted to be my friend. I was upset obviously but i let it go, yet I felt the bitterness. About a week later, she told me she went out on what she 'thought' was a date with another guy. Two of them, possibly. She said "he was very forward". To clarify, he told her what he thought. I took this as a jab at me for being too filtered. I let that comment slide. I'm really upset at her. I actually hate and resent her. I want to nuke the relationship i have with her, even though she is a family friend and i never wanted this to happen from the start. This is what I was planning on writing to her, this early in the morning. I couldn't sleep because of it: So, you had intended for the relationship to (eventually) fail, which would explain why you were always so reluctant at expressing your feelings, or should i say... You lied, twice about them. Second message: Now those same "feelings" have changed? The same ones that you wouldn't tell me about? Third message: If you said it felt like a relationship/breakup, you wouldn't have been able to move on as quickly and callously as you did. Fourth message: I know you're more than capable of lying, so you can drop the act. Tell me I was your rebound. I want to write more but i don't know what else to add. I'm thinking about calling her (when she wakes up) to do it. I have work this morning, and i think I'm gonna be bothered by it, though i won't let it affect my work. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejazz97 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 IMHO: If you're going to do it, don't break her down and don't do it in the morning. If you do, I have a feeling you'll wreck her day as well as yours, and even though you won't let it bother your work, it may bother hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuckyLuciano Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Forget about it and just move on. Don't even bother sending any additional messages to her or calling her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzle Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 IMHO: If you're going to do it, don't break her down and don't do it in the morning. If you do, I have a feeling you'll wreck her day as well as yours, and even though you won't let it bother your work, it may bother hers. I really want to wreck her morning. This situation has left me feeling so uneasy. I really want the truth from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gstank29 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 HERE WE GO AGAIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dral Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Dazzle, WN is that say ---- > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRussianRocket. Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 IMHO: If you're going to do it, don't break her down and don't do it in the morning. If you do, I have a feeling you'll wreck her day as well as yours, and even though you won't let it bother your work, it may bother hers. Forget about it and just move on. Don't even bother sending any additional messages to her or calling her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
etsen3 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Forget about it and just move on. Don't even bother sending any additional messages to her or calling her. This. It's obvious you're upset right now which is understandable, but no good can come out of this. We all lie around sleepless late at night all emotional and dream up some revenge scenarios for people, just hold off for a bit and go about your day, you'll probably feel better. edit: After reading again it seems you have some anger that you were bottling up, and you'll need to release it somehow. You let all this stuff slide before and now you're mad and wanna stand up for yourself, and maybe you should. All I'm saying is hold off on the messages until later when your head is more clear. You don't know how many times I've stewed over something late night/early morning only to calm down the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Putgolzin Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 at this point nothing you say to her will have any positive effect, for you or for her. no matter how perfectly logical your words may be, it will only be heard as emotionally charged banter which will only result in MORE emotionally charged banter. the best thing you can do is also the hardest thing to do (which is why people who consistently choose the hardest paths always end up being the most prepared/mature and wisest people)...so the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to let it slide, say nothing and slowly let time start to heal this offense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riffraff Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 No need to beat a dead relationship. Go about your day. Go home. Drink a six pack at least, shot gunning the first two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SabreFan1 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I started typing one down that I've seen used very harshly on females before, but I had to erase it. Just let the whole thing go. It's not worth it. You'll feel guilty eventually. Just don't talk to her or ever be friends again. You will carry too much resentment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJDDawg Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Forget about it and just move on. Don't even bother sending any additional messages to her or calling her. This. Don't do it. At least not today or the next couple of day. Nothing good ever comes out of sending a message in anger. Let it simmer down for a few days then see how you feel. Screw the attention she wanted and needed. If she was into you, believe me, she would have made it known. You have to forget about trying to figure out "what was on her mind" or "what she was thinking". It's a woman & guy thing and you may never figure it out (unless you somehow got your hands on the woman's handbook that all girls get at a young age). You say she lied to you? Why do you think that is? Because she hated you or because she wanted to let you down easy? Don't blame her. Just move on. Presumably you have other interests/friends/hobbies/activities you can get on with. The more you show bitterness, the less appealing to her you become. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbadcanucks Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Nothing good ever comes out of getting stuff off your chest when dealing with the fairer sex...hate = love. It's the same emotion. So, I'm going to presume you still have feelings for her which isn't being reciprocated. That sucks, but you have to be prepared to accept it, otherwise you're going to become a woman-hater, and that's not a good thing. You sound like a really nice dude. Girls probably see you as a really nice dude. This may be your calling card. Nurture this quality about yourself. It may take awhile and you probably are going to get disappointed a lot, but eventually, this quality is going to land you the girl of your dreams. Sounds like you still have feelings for the young lady...don't let this moment of anger and bitterness ruin what may something that is a temporary set back in your relationship. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
etsen3 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Also some advice for the future as well, it really sounds like you too have problems expressing yourself, you're holding things inside until it becomes a problem. Maybe a bit less of a filter is a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monty Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 As one poster already pointed out, the first thing is "Just move on." Second, you pointed out that she lied to you, twice. Any relationship that begins with lies is not one you want to lose sleep over. As mentioned already, "Just move on." Not sure how old you are, but when I was young(er), between 16-20, I was ridiculously emotional about this type of stuff. And I can tell you, it's pointless. Once I got married at the ripe old age of 21(!!!), things were different. Now, at 33, these things won't even register on my radar. Just let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Standing_Tall#37 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I started typing one down that I've seen used very harshly on females before, but I had to erase it. Just let the whole thing go. It's not worth it. You'll feel guilty eventually. Just don't talk to her or ever be friends again. You will carry too much resentment. +1..... Just F & C or P & D the next one that comes along. Girls are &^@#ed and 99% of them are a waste of time. Never &^@# a friend and never $&!# where you eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpt Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Seems like you have the problem not her, just let it go. No need to burn the ship; she's moved on so should you. Why burn bridges when you will get nothing positive from it? Let it go, be the bigger man and leave it alone. You don't need to get in the last word; just because she hurt your feelings doesn't mean you need to be petty about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnLocke Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 you sent 4 consecutive messages? dang son Also, probably not the best place to ask for advice. 95% of CDC has never spoken to a girl IRL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73 Percent Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Also, probably not the best place to ask for advice. 95% of CDC has never spoken to a girl IRL This. Like going to a vegan convention asking how to properly grill a steak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlayStation Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 If shes a liar, shes not going to care about what you say, or feel bad at all. So anything you say will do no good. Trust me, you are goijg to regret saying all those things to her because you are going to look back down the road and wonder why you even bothered and realize it was dumb when it doesnt turn out how you expected. Just cut her out of your life, delete her # and convos... But you probably wont, its a million times easier said than done. A liar ain't worth nothing, cut her off from your life, once a liar, always going to be a liar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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