Jokes everyone says and they are not funny ever

[TimberWolf]

Ever had to grab a crappy meal in the morning because you were running late and the gas station had no selection? You show up to where you are going with a coke and a bad of chips and it's guaranteed someone will say 

 

"Ooh, breakfast of champions"

 

Clever

 

Or if you buy a pizza and live in an apartment, if someone else you never even met is on the elevator with you...

 

"Hey, were's mine?"

 

Painting a wall or washing your car? Some zany random may wander by and inevitably spews:

 

"Missed a spot!"

 

Ever been in line at a store and someone's bill comes up to something like $19.97

 

"Hey, good year!" (I wonder how many times a day someone at a till hears that nugget)

 

 

Any others?

 

 

[Nuxfanabroad]

& yet I somewhat applaud the vain attempt. Let's be honest, pure originality producing brilliant humour is rather rare(yet likely at least half the population aspire to do so).

 

Looking at people like Bill Hicks & Carlin essentially reveals that whatever's funny likely offends a significant number of people, as well.

[SabreFan1]

21 minutes ago, TimberWolf said:

Ever had to grab a crappy meal in the morning because you were running late and the gas station had no selection? You show up to where you are going with a coke and a bad of chips and it's guaranteed someone will say 

 

"Ooh, breakfast of champions"

 

Clever

 

Or if you buy a pizza and live in an apartment, if someone else you never even met is on the elevator with you...

 

"Hey, were's mine?"

 

Painting a wall or washing your car? Some zany random may wander by and inevitably spews:

 

"Missed a spot!"

 

Ever been in line at a store and someone's bill comes up to something like $19.97

 

"Hey, good year!" (I wonder how many times a day someone at a till hears that nugget)

 

 

Any others?

So what you're saying is that Vancouver is chock full of unoriginal geeks and nerds (and TV actors)?

[Cramarossa]

When my boyfriend used to work at a cheap motel and would let guests know that they couldn't bring pets ("No animals allowed") as they were checking in whenever he was checking in a couple the husband would always say to the wife (or vice versa) "Sorry honey, guess you'll have to sleep in the car tonight!" 

[Guest]

Your mom 

 

/thread

[DarthMelvin]

When I'm buying beer every morning and someone always says "Oh Breakfast of champions eh?"

[Art Vandelay]

An old idiom of "I see, said the blind man...but he couldn't really see at all". Unbelievable how much that bothers me.

 

Not a common expression, but it sure isn't funny. 

[Kurt Nirvanagut]

Women in line behind at the grocery store as you are checking out with alcohol: 

"Ooh, I'm going where he's going." 

[goalie13]

I used to clean septic tanks.  People would often state, "I bet that job sucks sh*t", as if I had never heard that one before.

[hatedkid666]

when youre a cashier and their card doesnt work then they say "guess that means its free"

[Crabcakes]

1 hour ago, SabreFan1 said:

So what you're saying is that Vancouver is chock full of unoriginal geeks and nerds (and TV actors)?

No more (or less) than Buffalo!  they're everywhere....

[TimberWolf]

1 hour ago, Stamkos said:

Your mom 

 

/thread

 

Your mom ends threads

[Go Faulk Yourself]

I work on elevators. You can imagine how old "I guess it has it's ups and downs" gets, and everything similar to that.

[Down by the River]

When I was in undergrad I worked as a student border guard. One of the questions you ask is "do you have more than 10k in currency".

 

If I had a penny for every time someone said "I wish", I'd easily have $10k of my own.

[Nuxfanabroad]

Or the car mechanic who confidently asserts he's "used to working in tight spaces!" Ultra-cliche ya big lug. You'll often hear this from Welsh-Hungarians, as well...

[Baer.]

When somebody drops something and says "there's a hole in my hand"

[Hairy Kneel]

Workin' hard?Or hardly working?

[Jam126]

Literally every joke made in high school ever.

[smithers joe]

to a person on a ladder, your really getting up in the world. 

 

[JM_]

11 hours ago, zzbottom said:

Women in line behind at the grocery store as you are checking out with alcohol: 

"Ooh, I'm going where he's going." 

that sounds like an opening....