Raymond Luxury Yacht Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 7 hours ago, Art Vandelay said: First off... I am happy, healthy and doing well financially. So I don't have anything to really complain about. Hope this thread can be used as a way to get some post-relationship advice, or to vent frustrations. Lately, I've been dreaming and thinking about a girl I dated. I just can't stop thinking about her and I think it's become a problem. Not to sound creepy... but the main thing that always comes back to my mind is her hair and smell. She had beautiful long blonde hair, and whenever I dream about her, her hair is some way apart of the dream. Nothing weird about that... And for whatever reason my bed sheets always smell like how she did (the perfume I'm assuming). I've actually tried changing detergents many times because of how distracting it is. We were together from ages 17 to 23. Our personalities really meshed well and would considered her my best friend during that time. Near the end of our relationship we mutually left each other because we stopped having a romantic connection and our ambitions were just too different. But honestly, I've never got along with someone as well as we did 1 on 1 or in social settings, even at the end of our relationship. We've been apart for almost 5 years now. I've had several relationships since, but remain single. During the first 4 years apart I was completely over the relationship. Had no real issues moving on. I've dated two girls since the problems started, I've recently deleted my FB and twitter accounts because I needed to stop getting updates about her life (in attempt to "forget" about her), I've gone on vacation, I've worked more hours into the week, picked up a new hobby.. etc. Nothing seems to be working Has anyone had problems later in life in getting over a relationship you already moved on from? I really would appreciate any advice. Reach out, even if it's a disaster at least you'll know. You can't regret not doing something if you do it. I'd leave out the hair and smell thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLASSJAW Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 4 minutes ago, Raymond Luxury Yacht said: Reach out, even if it's a disaster at least you'll know. You can't regret not doing something if you do it. I'd leave out the hair and smell thing. but it's "not weird" as for this thread: as soon as people realize that "the grass is always greener" is not just a simple childish platitude, but the entire human psychological experience writ large, they'll be able to see the silliness in it all join the cynical side. if only to spare yourself from this Quote My recommendation.... find a very good girl buddy (non-romantic) that you can talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JM_ Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Are you actually interested in her, or in having the type of deeper connection you once had? Better get that one straight before you call her and maybe resurrect some hard feelings for her. If its connection then you just have to keep looking. Given that you were fine for years after it seems to me you could be missing a deep connection vs. her specifically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhillipBlunt Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 You have absolutely nothing to lose by contacting her. And possibly everything to gain. Life's too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BowtieCanuck Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 My best advice comes from Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman: "When you look at a relationship with rose colored glasses, its hard to see all the red flags." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Vandelay Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 @Cramarossa @Mattrek Thanks for giving the female perspective. I think I'm more on the side of you two. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. Or waste her time. I believe she would be more willing to get back together than I would. Which is why I haven't contacted her. She tried to connect with me a few years ago and I selfishly ignored her. Awful decision retrospectively. I've truly moved on, but it's difficult getting these constant reminders. Maybe @S'all Good Man hit it right on the nose. I could be just longing for that kind of a relationship rather than Her specifically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhillipBlunt Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 11 minutes ago, Art Vandelay said: @Cramarossa @Mattrek Thanks for giving the female perspective. I think I'm more on the side of you two. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. Or waste her time. I believe she would be more willing to get back together than I would. Which is why I haven't contacted her. She tried to connect with me a few years ago and I selfishly ignored her. Awful decision retrospectively. I've truly moved on, but it's difficult getting these constant reminders. Maybe @S'all Good Man hit it right on the nose. I could be just longing for that kind of a relationship rather than Her specifically. If you're smelling her scent on a bed you've washed repeatedly, I'm not so sure that you've moved on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Vandelay Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Just now, PhillipBlunt said: If you're smelling her scent on a bed you've washed repeatedly, I'm not so sure that you've moved on. Only recently though. Went 4 years without having any issues. It been odd how this resurfaced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhillipBlunt Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, Art Vandelay said: Only recently though. Went 4 years without having any issues. It been odd how this resurfaced. Odd....or fate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cramarossa Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Art I still think you should try therapy or counseling if you haven't already. They will likely help you delve deeper into why this all came up all of the sudden. It sounds like you're in more pain than you care to admit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riffraff Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 10 minutes ago, PhillipBlunt said: Odd....or fate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC2 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 25 minutes ago, Art Vandelay said: Only recently though. Went 4 years without having any issues. It been odd how this resurfaced. You know what buddy if there's one thing I have learned in the relatively short time I have lived is that regret is forever. I don't know if the woman you talk about is the one who will make you whole but I think to not take the chance to find out would be a mistake. You both are older now and hopefully a bit wiser. My suggestion to you is if you do indeed try to rekindle your relationship is to not focus on what separates you but what brings you together. Far too many people are always looking for the perfect partner but there's no such thing as perfection. Focus on what connected you two in the first place. Anyways good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brilac Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Back in 2001 there was someone I liked very much who I met a week after my 18th birthday. He was a handsome fella with dark hair and dark eyes, and I was so shy and reserved to pursue it. I left for a few months, and came back looking for him, and he was gone. He was the only reason I moved back to Seattle. Then I met another handsome fella a week after my 21st birthday at a bar he worked at. He had a girlfriend, so there was no way I could pursue it. They broke up, but I never pursued it. Then I moved, and 2 years later I moved back, and went to that bar, and there he was, and our eyes locked as I was walking in, and by the time I walked up to the bar, he had my drink ready, and we hit it off. Then years later, I met a guy who worked at a restaurant. My friend and I were bar hopping, and decided to go to this restaurant across the street, and proceeded to drink wine. At the end of the bar, there was this guy in chefs clothing drinking a bottle of wine. He came over to us, and I asked him what he was drinking, and it was one of the Working Girl wines from Olympic Cellars outside of Port Angeles. I was so excited over his wine. It was my favorite wine. I used to drink it a lot when living on the Olympic Peninsula. We hit it off, and he was great. We were never in a romantic relationship, just friends, even though I had a thing for him and he knew that, how much I was smitten for him. I found someone else, and we lost contact. Then years later, I took a different route home by getting off the bus at another stop then where I usually get off, and at the crosswalk right beside me, someone looks over at me, and says my name, and I look next to me, and there he is! I couldn't believe it. It was like it was meant for me to get off at that bus stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanucks25 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 2 hours ago, Art Vandelay said: Maybe @S'all Good Man hit it right on the nose. I could be just longing for that kind of a relationship rather than Her specifically. This is the tone I'm getting from your posts. Sounds like despite whatever made you two break up, that was the best relationship you've had, and you miss having something that good. "You don't miss her, you just miss the idea of her." At this point, it seems like you have two options: 1) Try to get back with her and work through whatever differences you have, as it sounds like the positives of being with her outweigh the negatives. 2) Get out there and actively look for someone who can give you what she once did. The risk here is that you never find someone as good for you, but you'll never know unless you try. I understand both of these options are much easier said than done but I mean, you gotta do something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuxfanabroad Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Over/under for 12 pages?.. I'll take the over! Let's face it..us Vancouverites/BC'ers(mostly here) are likely 95% hopeless romantics, with a mitt-full of hard-hitting, Harlequin anecdotes :^) Grow up in a beautiful place, & it's almost certain you'll make your life too complicated with such hedonistic pastimes. Like posts on her hourglass, these are the threads of our lives... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Svengali Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 2 hours ago, Art Vandelay said: I could be just longing for that kind of a relationship rather than Her specifically. I think you should forget about relationships for a little while, enjoy your abstinence and prepare some science experiments that will illuminate the mind and dazzle the eye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattrek Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 4 hours ago, Art Vandelay said: @Cramarossa @Mattrek Thanks for giving the female perspective. I think I'm more on the side of you two. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. Or waste her time. I believe she would be more willing to get back together than I would. Which is why I haven't contacted her. She tried to connect with me a few years ago and I selfishly ignored her. Awful decision retrospectively. I've truly moved on, but it's difficult getting these constant reminders. Maybe @S'all Good Man hit it right on the nose. I could be just longing for that kind of a relationship rather than Her specifically. I'm actually a male, but no worries and whatever you decide, I wish you the best. I also agree with Cram on doing counseling as I agree I think there might be some deeper issues then you're willing to admit even to yourself at work here. There also needs to be a switch in society from the mentality "only the weak seek help" to flip it to "only the strong seek help", which is what the actual truth is. Everyone needs help once in a while, there's nothing wrong with that, the real problems start when one keeps everything bottled up inside in trying to be "strong". It eats away at you slowly, you may not notice, but it does until one day you crash and it becomes almost impossible to rebuild. I know first hand, that's where I am now, don't let it get to that point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hairy Kneel Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Are you wanting to start a family and have kids? That's a tough phase to go through..I think it's more about you and what you want, than her specifically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SabreFan1 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 9 hours ago, Art Vandelay said: @Cramarossa @Mattrek Thanks for giving the female perspective. I think I'm more on the side of you two. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. Or waste her time. If she's single, you'll end up doing neither. At worst, she'll just end up telling you off or ignoring you back if she has any hard feelings. The only way you could end up doing harm is if she's currently in a happy relationship when you get a hold of her, and she still has feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoneypuckOverlord Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 On 8/20/2017 at 10:43 AM, PhillipBlunt said: You have absolutely nothing to lose by contacting her. And possibly everything to gain. Life's too short. Give this a shot. But this is tricky. My fiance had ex's trying to reconnect with her numerous times, it was at a point were she had no interest in speaking to them. She gave me more reasons to flat out ignore them then to respond. That said, you have nothing to lose at this point. The worst thing that can happen is, she tells her current boyfriend, and that is all. 5 days later she will forget you even contacted her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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