Okay so it goes without saying that we also have to fire Green, Benning, and all the other coaches and probably the training staff too. Might as well fire the zamboni driver while we are at it as well, just to make sure we have a clean slate going forward.
That said, I have the basis for two huge deals that could really right the sinking ship for the Canucks, and I am here to offer them for free to whoever our new incoming GM would be!
Trade #1:
To Calgary: Demko, Hughes
To Vancouver: Markstrom, Tanev, 3rd round pick
Why Vancouver does this: It's time to jettison our overrated prospects who are clearly busts, before Calgary is any the wiser. Also we recoup the 3rd round pick that JB WASTED in the Schmidt trade.
Why Calgary does this: It's basically a free acquisition for them as they paid nothing to acquire Marky and Tanev, and they save some money off the salary cap from their over-expensive contracts.
This trade is a classic example of buy low, sell high. Demko and Hughes are at their peak value now but soon will be considered damaged goods when the Canucks continue on their 50-ish game losing streak this season.
Trade #2:
To Montreal: Boeser, Petterson, 2021 first rd pick, 2022 first rd pick
To Vancouver: Toffoli
Why Vancouver does this: We get a clear upgrade on offense in the HAT TRICK MACHINE Tyler Toffoli, and again we are selling players while value is high. Pettersson was widely regarded as a top up and coming rookie in this league up until about 10 days ago, but now it's clear that somehow he's lost all his talent like in Space Jam. Boeser and the two firsts are sweeteners as obviously Montreal doesn't give up a guy that scores 5 goals in 2 games for cheap.
Why Montreal does this: They get Pettersson as kind of a reclamation project, there's probably around a 2-3% chance that Petey returns to anything more than a shadow of his former self, but even at those odds MTL would be crazy not to take a flyer on Elias. Boeser is good for their AHL depth and the two first rounders can be used to draft whoever has the most french-sounding last name at the drafts.
I think if we quickly pull the trigger on these two deals and firing our entire coaching and training staff, hell, even fire the lady that makes copies in the office and bring in someone with more grit like Dan Hamhuis or Ryan Kesler to replace her - then we will be right back on track for a huge winning streak and a subsequent Stanley Cup Parade after this season.
Thoughts?