My heart hurts so much for you, AJ *biggest hugs* I am so sorry you’re being exposed to such ignorance and insensitivity by such remarks as “I am the reason my baby died because we weren't superstitious.”, “we should wait a full year at least to get pregnant again because it would be bad luck to be pregnant when our baby's birthday rolls around.” and that you are ‘somehow to blame’ because you shared your happy news too early”. Those comments are such bull$&!#. I am frankly astounded and angry for you that you are having to deal with such terrible comments and lack of insight from family who should be your biggest support system right now. Superstition plays no part in medical fact and for your step-mother to hint or suggest such a thing is just ignorance at it's worst.
Grief has no time table and you must do what is best for YOU, nobody else. Nobody else lives inside your skin so they cannot even possibly fathom what you are going through. Nobody has the right to tell you the ‘right’ way in which to grieve or what your behavior should be in regard to it.
I am incredibly impressed by your strength and your courage... I know you may not feel that you are being especially brave and strong, but you are. Just getting out of bed every day and pushing through the hours til the next is a feat in itself......and you do it. I know some days are more difficult than others and yet you do it.....you show everyone around you how strong you are. And on those days when it’s difficult to face the day, you’re allowed to take the time to let yourself just be immersed in it.
A friend of mine just had her rainbow baby a few months ago and as joyful as it is to have her new daughter, she still grieves every day for the one she lost. She found an outlet in journaling every day her thoughts and feelings.... the days when she was able to carry on through, head held high.......and the days when she stayed in bed and cried the day through.....
Your son is now, and always will be, a very real and existing part of you......a part of your greater family and his presence should always be acknowledged and accepted as a very real and present member of the family circle. He is loved, he is precious and he is very much missed. It’s terrible that some people are so insensitive and ignorant to that fact and continue to hurt you by their behavior and comments.
You are so strong and so very brave to share your feelings and thoughts with us here on CDC. It’s not always a ‘safe’ place to share something so intensely personal but you do, and I admire you immensely and thank you for allowing us to share yours and TS’s journey.
You must take care of yourself and TS first..... other family will just have to wait and if that means postponing visiting the new baby, so be it. You will know when you’re ready.