Mainly Mattias
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Posts posted by Mainly Mattias
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Can't remember if I posted this years ago or not. Anyway, in a time where loneliness is so prevalent, this seems relevant. This article was pretty powerful for me.
Some quotes from the article on the (then) nearly 80 year study:
“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”
Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier, and the loners often died earlier. “Loneliness kills,” he said. “It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
The study showed that the role of genetics and long-lived ancestors proved less important to longevity than the level of satisfaction with relationships in midlife, now recognized as a good predictor of healthy aging.
“It’s easy to get isolated, to get caught up in work and not remembering, ‘Oh, I haven’t seen these friends in a long time, so I try to pay more attention to my relationships than I used to.”
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On 2/12/2021 at 3:43 AM, UKNuck96 said:
For me it’s difficult I am sole breadwinner managed to jump out of hospitality this year on my own terms (worked at head office of one of uk and Ireland’s biggest restaurant group) I work in data and have been a CRM/Data analyst and am now a BA at a multinational. However i fell into the data world and picked things up as I went and prior to this I had a plan but when the data stuff came along I switched the the mindset of see where it takes me.
I personally think I have hit a wall, it’s not a natural job something I’m okay at (although my standards for myself may be to high as people always seem happy with my work) but it’s been 6-7 years down this path and I’m kinda stuck. Cannot afford to drop wage to go do something else or retrain (about 2 years ago I might have been able to as my salary was in line with other fields but the last couple of jumps have me higher than most other areas I’m skilled in or would want to work in)
because I’m sole breadwinner any change I make impacts everyone, rather than just a smaller change in a two income households.
in regards to setting goals I’m having to use my current role to scope out new areas and being a BA means that while the day to day data work is not longer being done by me I can get stuck in projects more. I’m hoping that this opens up new doors in my current place of employment to do a role that i wouldn’t get elsewhere, build thr experience to then go build on that.
for the OP I would say goal setting is important but remember that sometimes the journey is also important and don’t close yourself off from an opportunity because it doesn’t directly fit with your goals, evaluate them all and sometimes take the leap
BAing does give good $$. Next step would be Product manager/director unless you did want to go more of the PM route. Still plenty of roles to go after BAing. although yes, it certainly is harder when you're the sole breadwinner to make drastic changes.
thanks for the advice. will try to think about related areas. my role is hard to scope new areas though because it's kind of a made up, we don't know what to call you kind of role. and i hear you on the journey being important. i've leapt in many different directions already. luckily have had the freedom to take those risks. all different roles/industries, different skillsets, with substantial time invested in each so recruiters don't quite know what to make of me
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On 2/10/2021 at 1:02 AM, -AJ- said:
I'd love to become a teacher or instructor at some point because I've enjoyed teaching/tutoring so much in the times I've gotten a chance to do so. My goal now is to become an accounting instructor, but the education and experience requirements make it seem so unbelievably far away. It's more a long-term goal really that I'll keep in mind if things go that way. Being an accountant is fine and all, but teaching is more something I'm actually passionate about.
having been down the teaching path, i say go for it and you'll find you'll rack up the education/experience you need in no time! personally, i found that i was a bit disheartened by the politics within post-secondary teaching as well as the ethics of some students. my one on one time with students was much more fulfilling than a classroom setting. still was a blast though!
On 2/10/2021 at 7:40 AM, ken kaniff said:I am 26 and quit my job last year to pursue my dream of firefighting. Super nervous but you only get one shot at life so got to risk it for the biscuit.
had a friend who kept on trying and trying and trying and trying and trying for years and finally he got accepted and he absolutely LOVES being a firefighter. (he's got around 2 decades on you) hopefully you get success quickly but it sounds like it's worth more than one shot if it's a miss the first time.
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I am luckily employed during this difficult time. Have been doing the same thing at work for the past few years and am not quite sure where to point myself anymore, in terms of goal setting.
Happy to hear from you people as to what your goals are to see if it would spark some sort of epiphany in me. Thanks in advance for anything shared, including advice, tools, recommendations, stories, etc..
Have tried to do a brain dump of things I want to do and there really isn't anything there to work with.
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happily did a workation this fall. went to whistler and stayed in a hotel room to work for a week. surprisingly was good mental-health wise. felt like a get-away even though it was work and no play.
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On 10/2/2020 at 10:31 PM, Cramarossa said:
I've heard people say before that antidepressants made them feel numb: no highs, no lows, nothing.
That sounds like a blessing.
Heard different opinions - 1. really helped, allowed things to be more manageable during a period where things were not and 2. didn't feel high or low, lost interest in everything, nothing was enjoyable but coming off them resulted in dangerous behaviour so went back on.
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On 4/28/2020 at 9:56 PM, Wilbur said:
You'll get there one day. I was eternally single for the longest time. I didn't think I'd ever figure it out. But then something in me clicked. I'm not sure if was maturity, confidence, or finally meeting the right girl (chances are it was all 3), but I got there.
I tried to use every dating/relationship failure as a learning experience, even if I was reflecting on something from years in my past (because you don't always realize things right away). For the most part my failures came about because I couldn't get out of my own head rather than focus on the needs/interests of the person I liked. I was also too worried about failure. Once I reframed things as "at the very least, I'll get to know someone interesting better", failure was no longer a disaster, it was a learning experience. Didn't mean it didn't hurt, but it helped knowing I was wiser and better prepared for the next experience.
So I guess, reflect reflect reflect without being too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes in love but that doesn't mean you'll never find it. I was at a point similar to you in my life when my sister set me up with a person at our work. I had no expectations of where it would go (which was different from any person I was interested in before, perhaps it was because I didn't know them super well). Ultimately, it did go nowhere (we were very different). We dated for a month and it was fine, but it was an off-hand remark from one of her friends after we stopped dating that for some weird reason gave me all the confidence in the world. The confidence that eventually did lead me to who I've been married to almost 10 years now. Oddly enough, I don't think I would have ever gotten there without that 1 month relationship.
So, once again, don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. Use them as learning experiences to make you better person. Good luck!
wish everyone could have that.
@c00kies, i hear you. take comfort in that you're still young. i, too, am at that 'i'm not ready' stage but am middle aged. I have experienced this stage many times and for different reasons - recovery from an ended relationship, not wanting to burden another with my own issues, the inability to be vulnerable and now the lack of capacity/drive to replace an impossible connection. i've stopped beating myself up, or at least, i recognize when i do it now and am ok to let it go.
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16 hours ago, HI5 said:
I get messages from my CTO at like 3:00am, everyone’s just grinding harder now and this includes management.
We all have equity in the start up though so I guess that’s what’s motivating us more.
3AM? And s/he's not on eastern time? stressful.. hopefully you're not awake to get them in realtime!
but yes, i can see management in my org definitely working harder too.
aside: people have now mentioned seeing unexplained deactivated accounts and unsolicited HR meetings. dun dun DUN
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On 4/13/2020 at 10:19 AM, 24K PureCool said:
Working from home but technically considered essential by the US government due being in the silicon industry.
May have to go in to the office every once in a while for lab work though.
Getting hard to concentrate though thus putting in more hours to get things done. Heck doing it right now. Lol
certainly am seeing more of that at my workplace too. people are putting more hours in. i'm seeing more early/late night emails and chat messages. guess having the ceo mention that there are going to be workforce cuts starting this week contributes to that.
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Having money is good.. guess a job helps.
At this point, I'm still thankfully employed and working from home but am thinking that that may change in the future. I don't think I've got a plan for when that happens.
How are you guys faring?
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On 4/9/2020 at 11:20 PM, nux4lyfe said:
Money aside.
If there was any place in this whole wide world that you would love to call home for the rest of your life, Where would it be? And have you actually been there?
I could live temporarily in New York City, Paris, Montreal and Seattle but home will always be Vancouver.
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Thankful for:
- the health for family and friends, money, the ability to work from home, friends
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Looking forward to:
- nothing. I don't look that far ahead
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Taken for granted:
- nothing. For the past 20 years, I've been very cognizant of what's important in life that I don't prioritize money, status, title, looks or material things. I've put my time, effort and energy into keeping connections, making memories, and acting to avoid regrets.
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Used to value but don't as much in the scheme of things:
- nothing. I've always been grateful for hot water, electricity, internet, a place to call home, a job, lots of friends and family and enough money to have the ability to decide my own fate. I have valued people's integrity, values and actions over superficial looks and talk. I will continue to do so.
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Life / perspective change:
- I had been thinking about changing myself in order to finally attract a partner.. change up my looks/style, learn how to flirt and date.. But now I think dating is out of the question. I'll try and say goodbye to all that.
I really do need to redo my Will though..
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Thankful for:
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On 2018-10-25 at 7:28 AM, Shift-4 said:
Went on a date last night with a woman that I am certain can and will break my heart
I'm so doomed........
good luck. good for you for getting out there and dating!
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i only expect to live to 40
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1 hour ago, BananaMash said:
I've been considering doing one of those threads again, but White Noise is so dead now
i'd agree but maybe if you build it, they will come..
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33 minutes ago, Scottish⑦Canuck said:
For some reason I didn't get a notification for this.
Thanks! I actually just got part time work as an external consultant for the company I worked for prior to doing my Master's. Takes some of the financial pressure off and they're happy for me to just work until I get a full time position. There was a lot to be critical of in that job but my boss really was a good guy and has done a lot to help me over the last few years.
that's good news! yeah i remember you weren't too happy in that company. but anyway, still good news nonetheless. focus on that and ignore the self-doubt and critical inner voice that pops up. hopefully it won't. was just talking to a friend and we have to break off when we recognize the thoughts that lead to spiraling..
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1 minute ago, BananaMash said:
Good to see you too MM! I like your avatar a lot still, someone cool must have doodled it :D
Yep, you're right. Someone very cool did.
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11 minutes ago, BananaMash said:
So many people I graduated with, good lord. They're only just hitting their mid twenties and several of them have had "relationship emergency flotation device" babies.
never thought that it happened but yep, it happens. poor kids.
aside: *waves* Hi BM! Good to see you!
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when people have children with the thinking that a child will save the relationship.
it just screws up the child(ren). stop being selfish and short sighted. fix the problem. don't make it worse.
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On 5/23/2018 at 4:22 PM, Scottish⑦Canuck said:
Thanks for the kind words. Appreciate it.
hey.. been 2 weeks but hang in there. hard dealing with confidence drops. starts out high but as time continues and the unemployment drags on, it gets seriously tough. what helped me was talking to others who were also going through the same thing.. we supported each other as our egos made serious drops at different times. remember some things aren't in your control. hiring decisions are dependent on lots of things outside of what you have control over - economy, hiring manager, budget, internal politics, industry trends..
one career facilitator once gave us some advice to help avoid that shame that we all felt: don't have your goal as "get a job"; instead, have your goal as something that you have control over: send out 2 applications per week, conduct 5 informational interviews per month, etc.
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On 3/19/2018 at 8:19 PM, Scottish⑦Canuck said:
I had an undergraduate degree in Geology before and was doing consultancy work, but decided to do a Masters in International Business as it's always been something I've been interested in and thought it would open up more opportunities for me. I'm looking for work experience abroad at the moment, as there's not a great deal on offer within Scotland. Moving overseas is something I've been keen on for a while now.
I graduated in December and think I've probably sent around 40-50 applications out so far. Couple of interviews here and there but no offers yet and the temp agencies have had next to nothing for a couple of months now. Here's hoping I get something soon. The time off was nice at first but now I'm driving myself crazy just sitting around the house
Heeyyyy, SC! You've graduated from your Masters? Congrats!
On 3/19/2018 at 8:22 PM, -AJ- said:I feel ya. I felt pretty helpless and lowered my standards pretty far just because I need something...anything to get going on my resume. That said, I really enjoyed all the time off, as I live at home, so finances weren't of much concern. It would've been a different story had I been living on my own.
Not envying you guys right now. Looking for work is not an easy job. People start blaming the person the longer the unemployment lasts too and it's hard not to be affected. Being around other unemployed people helps... and also being around optimistic people who can remind you that you aren't defined by the unemployment, that this is just a phase in life that will pass, and who will encourage you to keep going and to do those hard things like networking and information interviews.. Yeah, that helps too.
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22 hours ago, c00kies said:
I just want to get up and leave my past behind without telling anyone where I'm going. Problem is, I'd want to make sure I have a job where I go, and I should finish my semester and graduate first.
i sort of did this but i did tell people where I was going and I didn't have a job to go to or place to stay at. i gave 6 months notice, applied for a visa and then bought a 1 way flight. it's a good way to start fresh temporarily and be able to prove to yourself that you have a wee bit of control over your future. found that you can't run from all of the problems but it was a nice reprieve.
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[discussion] forum closure
in Canucks Talk
Posted
Thought the forum closed down. ..and yet here it still is 🤔