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Heretic

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Everything posted by Heretic

  1. One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs. No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean.." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a Golf Course too?"
  2. Gee, it's not like he had child porn on his laptop and money transfers with the Ukraine!
  3. More of a peasant! 4315 Cambridge street (still remember the address lol)
  4. Burnaby - as that's where I mostly grew up! Went to Rosser, Heights and North!
  5. Hey! Some of us over 46 can still make a contribution!
  6. “Any man under 30 who is not a liberal has no heart, and any man over thirty who is not a conservative has no brains.”


     Winston S. Churchill

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. JM_

      JM_

      Apparently his mum was a bondage Madam. #funfacts 

    3. #Canucks

      #Canucks

      @-AJ-  Your in transition!

    4. -AJ-

      -AJ-

      @#Canucks Not exactly 30 yet, but getting close, haha.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Ghostsof1915
    3. luckylager

      luckylager

      Saw this in my news feed earlier and was pretty awestruck until I zoomed in on the image and saw the rivets on this supposed monolith.

      Seeing rivets means it's not one piece, which mean it can't be mono anything. Also means it's nothing more than a hillbilly art project.

       

    4. JM_

      JM_

      they're space rivets Lucky. 

       

      Its some stupid ad campaign that will underwhelm you in a week. 

  7. US COVID Thanksgiving We've been told that only 6 people are allowed to gather for Thanksgiving Day, but 30 people are allowed at a funeral. With this in mind, I announce that we will be holding a funeral for our pet Turkey named "Butterball" that will pass away on November 26, 2020. Refreshments provided. In lieu of flowers, please bring a side or dessert.
  8. I heard the Canucks new retro jersey won't have a logo as the Flames took that too!

    1. Phil_314

      Phil_314

      I think the Flaming Orca would be a cool design :frantic:

    2. #Canucks

      #Canucks

      I saw this on Twitter, too funny! 

  9. TOO MUCH SNOW FOR THIS TIME OF THE YEAR! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. c00kies

      c00kies

      There's not enough snow for that, but too much snow for comfort, and with Winnipeg's restrictions (at least for me) I can't even go out.

    3. JM_

      JM_

      sorry cookies, I didn't realize thats where you are. Doesn't Winnipeg put on a river skating thing every year? 

       

       

    4. c00kies

      c00kies

      We didn't last year (I think the river was too high), but usually we do. However, we're in lockdown here, so nothing is really happening for at least a couple weeks- a month. I was supposed to play spongee, but I can't see that happening either now. I'm just getting really antsy now at work, but I think it's because I haven't been going out.

  10. I make 20% less working from home then when I did working in a big city. But I love it. Yes, I make up some of that lost salary by saving on taxes.
  11. Interesting. I started going to church in the early 2000's cause my daughters were going on their own - so I figured, why not. Took an Alpha course and it hit me there. Moved here (Armstrong) in 2012 - went to a few different churches until we found one we liked. But, the connection seemed lost to me - so I didn't feel like going anymore - even though my wife did, but eventually, we stopped going - that was 3 years ago now? I am more connected with God by looking at the splendor of everything around us. Wife and I still say a prayer every night and we do grace before meals - but I just don't feel like going to church - I needed it at first, until I grew. My philosophy/belief don't really align with any church, I consider myself something like a new age Christian - but I don't need fellowship anymore as I believe more in a personal relationship.
  12. Bettman going to jail.  Main stream news not reporting it!  Fraud - the 1970 entry draft was rigged -  #Canucks should have gotten Perreault!  

    1. sonoman

      sonoman

      LOL.   Clarence Campbell was commish in 1970. 

    2. JM_

      JM_

      good one H.

       

      I also heard that Bill Daly is actually George Soros. 

    3. Roger Neilsons Towel

      Roger Neilsons Towel

      Has anyone ever seen Gary Bettman and the his guy in the same room? Seems pretty sus. 
       

      Sesame Street Math GIF

  13. Loved him on HNC.... Rest in peace Mr. Meeker...RIP....
  14. A good story about the poppy for children. Interesting part @ 4:33 - showing the inclusion of multiple beliefs.
  15. The only good human...is a dead human!

  16. I may have to wait another 20 years for the Pats to have a decent team again...sigh.
  17. A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake. The owner of the farm shouted: "Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars. The silence was deafening. Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!". After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!" His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!" Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push"
  18. I don't judge people by the friends they carry.  I still admire Bobby Orr, regardless of who he supports politically.  “Always remember... Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.”

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Heretic

      Heretic

      Donald J. Trump

       

      The legendary actor, 007 Sean Connery, has past on to even greener fairways. He was quite a guy, and a tough character. I was having a very hard time getting approvals for a big development in Scotland when Sean stepped in and shouted,“Let him build the damn thing”. That was all I needed, everything went swimmingly from there. He was so highly regarded & respected in Scotland and beyond that years of future turmoil was avoided. Sean was a great actor and an even greater man. Sincere condolences to his family!

      Guess you don't like Sean Connery anymore neither @Jimmy McGill

    3. JM_

      JM_

      I know you like to play the contrarian H, but that shtick fails hard when it comes to people that do real harm. 

    4. kingofsurrey

      kingofsurrey

      Of course I judge people based on who they are friends with. 

       

      I totally respect Bobby Orr's  amazing hockey achievements. I just don't respect his views on politics.

      I can easily differentiate the two areas.    Great hockey player. Terrible political views. Simple. 

       

      Sidestory - met / saw Bobby one time in Montreal airport.... it was kinda funny.  A parent on my hockey team walked up to him and said Hi Bobby...   Bobby Orr replied... do i know you ?  We were young hockey players at the time ... and we cringed.....

       

      Met Gordie Howe one time done in California in a hotel lobby.  Now Gordie Howe was a guy with class.....  he was amazing to just talk to .  Gordie Howe seemed like such a cool friendly guy.   

  19. RIP Sir Thomas Sean Connery, RIP...
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