BuckyHermit

It's not a speech impediment. It's just a dialect. One that only I can speak.

I bet you professional arm wrestling is fake.

"Cowboys and Aliens" sounds like a movie about life in a Texas border town.

It's ironic that British Columbians are celebrating BC Day by heading to Washington en masse.

Judge me not by the color of my skin, but rather by the color of my ugly-ass tie.

...the hell?! Okay, who's the DEAD MAN who hit me with the salt shaker?

The US debt ceiling is subject to collapse due to raccoons living in the US debt roof.

You know it's windy when your neighbor's underwear flies off the clothesline and lands smack on your bedroom's window screen.

Finally getting the full militaristic gist of the new Winnipeg Jets logo. Now I have a sudden urge to invade Afghanistan.

Only YOU can prevent forest fires. That's right. You're responsible for every forest fire that occurs in the world. It's all your fault.

In a perfect world, statements such as this one wouldn't be necessary.

If it's a dog-eat-dog world, then why is cannibalism still frowned upon?

If a flower gets pollinated by 2 different bees, is the flower a cheating bastard?

I bet you people who make racial slurs are drunk. Only drunk people would slur their words like that.

Whenever I try to make puns, I'm at a loss for words.

Pears are the bastard children of apples and potatoes.

In the middle of our glorious leader's socialist paradise that lies below the double rainbows and heavenly clouds with the sun smiling down on our motherland.

Not one what?

He still hasn't paid me yet for last week.

I'm now convinced you are drunk.

Too much of that egg nog for Thanksgiving, I see.

It's had license plates for a while now...

My car's in the garage and not going anywhere anytime soon... Not until the snow melts a bit.

Okay, now you're scaring me because I was just watching YouTube clips of NHL goals in 2003.

Either you're more confusing than my high school physics class, or you're slightly drunk. Non sequiturs FTW?

Orange is not a color?