So I was visiting a relative in a seniors home. While I was there, this old guy accused me of crapping his pants. He was yelling in an crackly old voice, “That’s him there, he crapped my pants. I saw him, he crapped my pants.”
The nurses were surprised when he pulled his pants down to show the poo. He pointed at it and said “Look, corn; proof positive. I didn’t eat any corn.” He pointed at me again and said “He crapped my pants.” The nurses apologized for him and I left.
I got the idea because decades ago I waited for a nemesis to pass out and for everyone to go outside for a smoke etc. I snuck down from a different part of the party and peed on his crotch then went back upstairs. They thought he peed himself. I was drunk and angry. Poor excuse I know, but I did it.
I told my buddy the story and he did a similar thing to one of his enemies. The guy passed out in the sun and my buddy smeared dog poo all over his face then left. After a half hour or so the guy wakes up and cracks another beer. He didn’t notice the dog poo for fifteen minutes or so. He knew exactly who did it and also left. I’m not sure how that feud ended.
I saw the old guy take his meds and then go to sleep on is side after about ten minutes. I bagged some poo in a thin plastic bag. I push the end down his butt crack and squeeze out the contents. He wakes up and starts screaming. I guess they were just vitamins or something. Whatever, he should have paid me for mowing his lawn all those years ago.
Only the middle part of this story is true.
Sorry fellow Canucks fans, I've had a few. I'm a seldom, when it comes to alcohol. That's good because I used to be an after work and every weekend. Fun fun fun, no no no let's go go go!!! Those were the days. I adapted to my crazy friends(fiends).