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Salter

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Gotta Love Frank

 

 

 

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

 

Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence and distance.

 

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others), that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!

 

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He simply said nothing.

 

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home... and left it there all night.

 

 

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Paddy  and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna  have the day off.
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters,  hangs upside down and shouts
"I'M A LIGHT BULB! .. I'M A LIGHT  BULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad,  go home"
So he leaves the site.  Murphy starts packing his kit up to  leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't  work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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A cop is sitting on the side of the road watching traffic go by, when he spots an old lady doing 80 in a 50 zone and it looked like she was knitting something and driving at the same time. He turns on his lights and pulls in behind her, but the old gal didn't notice. The officer pulls up beside her, rolls down the window and yells "Pullover".

The lady looks at him, seeming to be confused, hold up both hands,  containing knitting needles and yells back "No, ...socks"  

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LOL

 

It had been snowing all night. So at ....

8:00 I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 So, I made a snow woman

8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere

8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead

8:22 The transgender person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts

8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white..

8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa

8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended

8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role

8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction

8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist.

9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices... My children are taken by social services

9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today and it's going to get worse.

 

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If you ever wondered  what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great  test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. 

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
 
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. 

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.


If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him..
 
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. 

Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
 
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. 

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced.
 
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. 

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
 
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. 

A liberal will delete it because he or she is ‘offended'.

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