Gross-Misconduct Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Felt safe enough to pass flatus through the rectum, or "fart" in layman's terms, only to have someone come around the cormer or into the room 2 seconds later? It happened to me today. With a girl I've sorta been flirting with no less. We talked as if this horrible stench wasn't in the room. It was never mentioned. But I can tell it had punched her in the nose like a Mike Tyson uppercut. Now everytime she sees me or sees my pic she's gonna smell that smell. Ever happen to anyone? *Not including buddies. Who doesn't love farting around buddies. Link to comment
AppleJack Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I just blame it on my cat when that happens ;P Link to comment
Tearloch7 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Yup .. I blamed it on her dog .. done worse .. have asked more than one Lady when the 'baby was due', only to be advised that she was NOT pregnant .. I have tried to forget the rest .. Link to comment
PhillipBlunt Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Oh hell yeah. On more than one occasion, when an ass phantom made it's escape, I have been in the midst of quite a few people. I was twelve years old, and at a grade 7 retreat (I was in private Catholic school). The whole class was at a special mass called benediction. This is where the priest brings out some serious hardware to hold the host, that little wafer that Catholics eat during mass. We had eaten franks and beans for lunch and my gastrointestinal tract was being inflated, as if by helium. I kept holding in the bass notes hoping that somehow they would magically disappear. Wrong. Essentially an vaporous avalanche was building up inside me, and upon reading a line in one of the hymns wrong, I began to laugh. That was all that was required. As if on cue with the priest raising the host, I released a fart that was akin to an internal shiatsu of my organs. I brought mass to a standstill and cleared the room rather quickly. Link to comment
terrible.dee Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm very open about my farts in work scenarios, I'll usually say "I'm going over to this corner of the studio to fart, so if you need anything from there get it out now" Farting with my Girl friend usually involves me holding her down and passing the gas as close to her as possible (Though she is developing a 6th sense around this and seems to know when to make a break for it) Come to think of it, I did fart on a plane not too long ago, and although I can usually judge the stink factor with deadly accuracy, I heavily underestimated that one, so yes, that was quite awkward. Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 How about when you're the only person in the elevator and you let one go, but all of a sudden the elevator stops and it's not your floor yet. One person gets on - do you A: get off the elevator pronto or B: shake your head and pretend it wasn't you? Link to comment
PhillipBlunt Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 There is a third option. Look straight at them and smile and wink. Link to comment
Nuxfanabroad Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I'm fortunate that my gas smells desirable. Link to comment
73 Percent Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I do this all the time at work with my boss. although I assume you like this girl much more than I like that tool. different circumstances I guess. Link to comment
Gyllenhaal Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Oh hell yeah. On more than one occasion, when an ass phantom made it's escape, I have been in the midst of quite a few people. I was twelve years old, and at a grade 7 retreat (I was in private Catholic school). The whole class was at a special mass called benediction. This is where the priest brings out some serious hardware to hold the host, that little wafer that Catholics eat during mass. We had eaten franks and beans for lunch and my gastrointestinal tract was being inflated, as if by helium. I kept holding in the bass notes hoping that somehow they would magically disappear. Wrong. Essentially an vaporous avalanche was building up inside me, and upon reading a line in one of the hymns wrong, I began to laugh. That was all that was required. As if on cue with the priest raising the host, I released a fart that was akin to an internal shiatsu of my organs. I brought mass to a standstill and cleared the room rather quickly. I'm very open about my farts in work scenarios, I'll usually say "I'm going over to this corner of the studio to fart, so if you need anything from there get it out now" Farting with my Girl friend usually involves me holding her down and passing the gas as close to her as possible (Though she is developing a 6th sense around this and seems to know when to make a break for it) Come to think of it, I did fart on a plane not too long ago, and although I can usually judge the stink factor with deadly accuracy, I heavily underestimated that one, so yes, that was quite awkward. These are hilarious. +1 Link to comment
Gross-Misconduct Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Oh hell yeah. On more than one occasion, when an ass phantom made it's escape, I have been in the midst of quite a few people. I was twelve years old, and at a grade 7 retreat (I was in private Catholic school). The whole class was at a special mass called benediction. This is where the priest brings out some serious hardware to hold the host, that little wafer that Catholics eat during mass. We had eaten franks and beans for lunch and my gastrointestinal tract was being inflated, as if by helium. I kept holding in the bass notes hoping that somehow they would magically disappear. Wrong. Essentially an vaporous avalanche was building up inside me, and upon reading a line in one of the hymns wrong, I began to laugh. That was all that was required. As if on cue with the priest raising the host, I released a fart that was akin to an internal shiatsu of my organs. I brought mass to a standstill and cleared the room rather quickly. too funny. I went to a private catholic school myself so I can relate. Link to comment
Psylocke Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 One of the pros of being in a long distance relationship is that when my bf farts while we're Skyping, I don't smell it. I have warned him that if he ever Dutch ovens me, I am dumping him. LOL Link to comment
Grapefruits Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 For some reason, my farts rarely stink anymore. So I just drop ass whenever I feel like it. I'll still blame it on the dog even if he isn't in the room though. When i used to drink a lot during the week I'd have gas that could only be described as raw sewage. I'd feel one coming on and walk out of my office and crop dust the entire front counter area. Walk through the warehouse to air out and then loop around back into my office. Ahh... memories. Link to comment
terrible.dee Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Next time crop dust. Not familiar with the technique, please explain and post tutorial if necessary, Though I can assume you mean move around the room and drop little bits of it here and there. if so, good plan, and one of my favorite things to do at parties. Can also be fun to do at clubs: 1.see a guy trying to pick up a girl, 2.move into the general area, 3.deploy ordinance, 4.retreat and observe Link to comment
Gross-Misconduct Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 One of the pros of being in a long distance relationship is that when my bf farts while we're Skyping, I don't smell it. I have warned him that if he ever Dutch ovens me, I am dumping him. LOL Ah yes, nothing tests a relationship more than the Dutch oven. Link to comment
Grapefruits Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Ah yes, nothing tests a relationship more than the Dutch oven. If a women can't appreciate the effort put into a good dutch oven, then she isn't worth being with. Link to comment
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