confessions

[brilac]

3 hours ago, Psylocke said:

I used to hate trashy reality TV, but I've started to enjoy shows like 90 Day Fiance and I Love A Mama's Boy over the last few years.  

I was watching 90 Day Fiance.  A lot of that is cultural differences.  

[Psylocke]

1 hour ago, brilac said:

I was watching 90 Day Fiance.  A lot of that is cultural differences.  

Yeah, and their unwillingness to compromise. 

[brilac]

2 hours ago, Psylocke said:

Yeah, and their unwillingness to compromise. 

You just reminded me of someone I dated a long time ago from Korea.  It was one of the best relationships I ever had.  Then he went back to Korea.  I was in my 20s, and met him while skateboarding one night.  We were at a crosswalk and him and his friend said hi.  We all chatted and I got both of their numbers.  I found that I had more things in common with him than his friend and I began dating him.  

 

I tried teaching him how to skateboard one evening, and my way was pushing him down the hall of my building.  He was so freaked out and I thought it was funny!  After that, he was no longer interested in learning how to skateboard. 

 

One of the things that I thought was very thoughtful is that he went to New York and when he got back, he gave me a Luigi keychain.  He said he saw it and thought of me and how much I loved playing Mario.  

 

Then he had to go back to Korea after months of us dating.  He asked if I wanted to continue our relationship.  I didn't.  The reason was that he was moving back to Korea and I was in Seattle.  I did not see a point of it. 

 

I look back on it now.  And he liked me, but also, dating me was new to him.  He had never dated an American before.  It was new and exciting for him.  To me it was like - I like him, he's great, fun, and he have many things in common.  

 

As for my other relationships with, like, American men, that's something else.  

[Psylocke]

On 8/15/2022 at 7:16 PM, brilac said:

You just reminded me of someone I dated a long time ago from Korea.  It was one of the best relationships I ever had.  Then he went back to Korea.  I was in my 20s, and met him while skateboarding one night.  We were at a crosswalk and him and his friend said hi.  We all chatted and I got both of their numbers.  I found that I had more things in common with him than his friend and I began dating him.  

 

I tried teaching him how to skateboard one evening, and my way was pushing him down the hall of my building.  He was so freaked out and I thought it was funny!  After that, he was no longer interested in learning how to skateboard. 

 

One of the things that I thought was very thoughtful is that he went to New York and when he got back, he gave me a Luigi keychain.  He said he saw it and thought of me and how much I loved playing Mario.  

 

Then he had to go back to Korea after months of us dating.  He asked if I wanted to continue our relationship.  I didn't.  The reason was that he was moving back to Korea and I was in Seattle.  I did not see a point of it. 

 

I look back on it now.  And he liked me, but also, dating me was new to him.  He had never dated an American before.  It was new and exciting for him.  To me it was like - I like him, he's great, fun, and he have many things in common.  

 

As for my other relationships with, like, American men, that's something else.  

Yeah, sometimes people like the idea of the person rather than really try to know the person. But sounds like you had fun and, even though it was short-lived, sometimes that's all that matters. 

 

Hahaha sounds like there are some crazy stories there re: dating American men. 

[Twilight Sparkle]

so lately i've been in contact with my doctor and i need to get in contact with my therapist before we can go any further, but i came out to my doctor that since i was in high school ive been dealing with body and gender dysphoria (hence me being nonbinary) but i want to actually transition. the health system is so awful now that it might take a while for the wheels to actually get in motion but i'm in a point in my life now where i've really come to terms with who i really am

[Gurn]

4 hours ago, Twilight Sparkle said:

so lately i've been in contact with my doctor and i need to get in contact with my therapist before we can go any further, but i came out to my doctor that since i was in high school ive been dealing with body and gender dysphoria (hence me being nonbinary) but i want to actually transition. the health system is so awful now that it might take a while for the wheels to actually get in motion but i'm in a point in my life now where i've really come to terms with who i really am

Best wishes to you in your time of upheaval and change.

don't get distracted by the Nay sayers.

Life is very short, be as happy as you can, for as long as you can.

[brilac]

I confess ~ 

 

I can be a little nuts at some times.  Today my Internet service went out for 20 minutes, and I called the Internet provider.  Apparently there was not an outage, like last week when I called a few times, so they scheduled a service for today.  I missed the tech's call and they cancelled the appointment.  I realized that he called a minute before I looked at my phone.  So I immediately headed out the door looking around and then saw the tech parked on the side street ready to leave.  I rush up to his van, and asked about the service call for me.  He said yes, but just cancelled it because I did not pick up my phone.  I explained my phone was on silent and that I was working.  He called the office to uncancel it.  

 

I can be a little nuts at times if it is urgent, like flagging down the bus or a tech, etc. 

 

Came to be, those Internet service interruptions were outages last week, but they did not know at the time.  And today, it's an outside issue and also an outage.  The city is doing work on the lines and when they move something that involves Internet, the service goes out.  The tech also said that I was the only service call for this and that there are plenty of people who are without Internet due to this, but they don't call.

 

Folks, when the Internet or any other service goes out, I encourage you to call your service provider.  

 

Well, the tech said that someone may be back tonight to take a look at the line and may notify me if they need to get into the building or to check my service.  No one else in my building called and their service was out except for three people according to the tech. 

 

 

Edited August 30, 2022 by brilac

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

I have a habit of saying things out loud all excited and especially when I don't even notice people walking by.  Tonight on my walk, I came across many free things, and I said out loud, "Woah, check that out, look at this!" And when walking home, I saw a taco truck, and I said, "Woah, wow, a TACO TRUCK!" I was excited about the taco truck!  People stare, and I don't realize that they are there until after I talk out loud. 

 

Then yesterday at the Goodwill, I saw a popcorn maker and a crockpot, and I said out loud, "Woah, check that out! A popcorn maker!" the person beside me stared at me...

[Gurn]

17 minutes ago, brilac said:

I confess ~

 

I have a habit of saying things out loud all excited and especially when I don't even notice people walking by.  Tonight on my walk, I came across many free things, and I said out loud, "Woah, check that out, look at this!" And when walking home, I saw a taco truck, and I said, "Woah, wow, a TACO TRUCK!" I was excited about the taco truck!  People stare, and I don't realize that they are there until after I talk out loud. 

 

Then yesterday at the Goodwill, I saw a popcorn maker and a crockpot, and I said out loud, "Woah, check that out! A popcorn maker!" the person beside me stared at me...

IT happens a bit to me; I just say " Was that my outside voice?" and if they wish to comment, or not, fine by me.

[Cerridwen]

On 9/6/2022 at 8:06 PM, gurn said:

IT happens a bit to me; I just say " Was that my outside voice?" and if they wish to comment, or not, fine by me.

Oh how familiar this is! I do have a bit of a tendency to talk to inanimate objects... and yep, if'n they don't like it.. well, not MY problem!

[Gurn]

5 hours ago, Cerridwen said:

Oh how familiar this is! I do have a bit of a tendency to talk to inanimate objects... and yep, if'n they don't like it.. well, not MY problem!

The amount of people that look at me like I'm nuts, when I tell the box I just put down, to "Stay"

But then box doesn't move from that spot, so just  who is nuts anyway?

[brilac]

I confess, living in Seattle is not for me.  Maybe 15-20 years ago it was, but today it is not.  I’m on my way to a dentist appointment, and had to get off the bus in downtown Seattle and then get on another bus.  During my time at the bus stop, a lot of substance use and two people passing out, one person sitting in the middle of the sidewalk.  A police officer came by and was more concerned with the person sitting in the middle of the sidewalk than the two people passing out. 
 

I’m taking a day trip on Saturday to check out a town I am interested in living there. My lease expires in spring, but it’s good to prepare in advance. I live in a neighborhood where this does not happen of what I saw in downtown Seattle today.  Maybe I’m so used to staying in my neighborhood that when I venture out, it’s not good.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 12, 2022 by brilac

[brilac]

I confess ~

 

I don't like turbulence when flying and my facial expressions says it all no matter how hard I try to hide it. I am not a morning drinker, but I totally understand why people drink in the morning before their flight.  Yesterday when flying at night, there was turbulence and I had two drinks during that 38 minute flight.  

 

I don't like take offs either.  I have both hands on the sides of the seat with my arms and hands in place and sit back. I try to come off as calm, but I'm not, especially when the plane is speeding down the runaway and lifts off and climbs and climbs and turns.  But when the plane is descending, I am all good and looking at the window.

 

One particular time when I was flying up to Vancouver, before we were boarding, we were told it was going to be a bumpy flight. When we got on, one of the flight attendants was telling each passenger where to sit to balance it out.  After I was seated, I kept watching the rain come down and it was really windy.  The whole flight was really bumpy and I was panicky.  I was not crying or anything like that, but my face said it all. One of the flight attendants sat with me twice and it was a 35 minute flight... She told me that her son was just like me and he takes medication before flying and that the pilots flying the plane had over 25 years of experience,  When we were landing, I kept looking out the window at the wing and the plane kept going side to side.  That was not fun. 

 

But another time I was flying to London and was drinking.  It got really bumpy over Quebec and the the flight attendants were coming around with flashlights to make sure everyone had their seatbelt on.  I was drinking and it did not bother me.

Edited September 19, 2022 by brilac

[Gurn]

 

[AngryElf]

I'm in a really rough place right now. Be prepared for some oversharing lol

 

I went through most of high school with my first real relationship, and we've still been going strong through our first years of university. We've always been super close, even through our problems but there was never anything more than we could handle. I grew up with her, and we really started to think about our next steps like moving in together, etc.. A little over a year ago, both of her remaining grandparents (who she was very close with) got cancer around the same time, and passed away three weeks apart. It was a really rough period for her, but I stuck by and helped her through. This was around thanksgiving last year. On Christmas Day, I was there as she cried after not receiving any calls from them, and I did everything I could to help her get through things. This was right around the time where I was starting to stress out over a major hip surgery I was going to have, keeping me out of competitive sport for over six months. I had to relearn how to walk over the course of the next month, and I was already starting to struggle with my mental health. I had just received a few diagnoses, and was recovering from a nasty bout of COVID while I was trying to stay on top of school around March, which also coincided with one of the now-deceased grandparents' birthdays. 

 

This is when I noticed things began to change. Slowly but surely, she stopped trying to plan things on her own and instead relied on me to make the plans for date nights, etc., without doing much work, if any. She had chalked it up to us having completely full schedules and me having two separate battles with pneumonia, which I believed, but it didn't improve through the summer or into the new semester. In fact, she'd begun to shift more and more away from the woman I fell in love with. Even still, it wasn't sudden at all, so I didn't notice the differences until much later. September is when I finally realized that something had changed. I was now constantly asking myself if she cared, or if I was being stupid because of the lack of physical effort. When asked about it, I was made to feel dumb for even considering something had changed, and I noticed a power shift begin to form. I brought this to her attention, and began making demands to which she said she understood, and promised to work on.

 

Regardless, nothing seemed to change. In fact, it got so much worse. She began to hit me harder and harder when I would make stupid jokes, belittle me in front of our mutual friends, would become visibly angry with me over the smallest things, and take out her anger on external factors onto me. A few weeks ago, I was pulled aside by our mutual friends and told that her behaviour had been toxic at minimum and emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive at worst. They confronted her about it as well, and her first reaction was playing the victim card and thus she was exiled by our group. Since then she's seemed to recognize the gravity of the situation, and has shown real remorse, despite there being growing pains still.

 

All while this is going on, the sports team that I had put all of my free time into has actively gone out of their way to give me less and less of a role, despite proving again and again that I'm ready for an elevated standing. This time last year my coaches started talking about professional avenues, whereas now I can't buy minutes on any of our clubs teams. I'm now at the point where I don't know what to do.  I don't feel safe with someone who I thought with my person, but I don't know what my limit is for a relationship. As I said before, it's my first real one and over the past couple weeks she has shown a real attempt to try and make things better, as we both believe that this is incredibly abnormal behaviour from her. Regardless, I'm seeing serious psychological damage from the past few months such as flinching at sudden movements, feeling lesser around my group of friends, and being scared to make jokes for fear of being belittle despite generally being a happy, joking guy. 

 

Given that I didn't want to spend any excess time thinking, I began spending a lot more time at school, then at work (20-35 hours per week)/exercising, and then I would come home and drink after midnight before getting up at 6am for class. The alcohol went on for a week before I realized I could be forming a dependency, and I haven't touched it since. I'm now in the heart of midterm season, I can't force myself to focus on class or homework, I've skipped lectures and quizzes, I'm not giving a great effort at work, I'm resenting the sport that I live for and wanted to make a career out of because of how I've been treated, and I feel like a fool for not noticing I've been in constant pain this semester. I just want things to go back to how they were and I don't know how to go forwards. I sent a message to my prof today requesting academic concession due to mental health concerns, but I don't know how it'll go over given that I'm not at a point where I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. 

 

I'm just tired. 

[DS4quality]

1 hour ago, AngryElf said:

I'm in a really rough place right now. Be prepared for some oversharing lol

 

I went through most of high school with my first real relationship, and we've still been going strong through our first years of university. We've always been super close, even through our problems but there was never anything more than we could handle. I grew up with her, and we really started to think about our next steps like moving in together, etc.. A little over a year ago, both of her remaining grandparents (who she was very close with) got cancer around the same time, and passed away three weeks apart. It was a really rough period for her, but I stuck by and helped her through. This was around thanksgiving last year. On Christmas Day, I was there as she cried after not receiving any calls from them, and I did everything I could to help her get through things. This was right around the time where I was starting to stress out over a major hip surgery I was going to have, keeping me out of competitive sport for over six months. I had to relearn how to walk over the course of the next month, and I was already starting to struggle with my mental health. I had just received a few diagnoses, and was recovering from a nasty bout of COVID while I was trying to stay on top of school around March, which also coincided with one of the now-deceased grandparents' birthdays. 

 

This is when I noticed things began to change. Slowly but surely, she stopped trying to plan things on her own and instead relied on me to make the plans for date nights, etc., without doing much work, if any. She had chalked it up to us having completely full schedules and me having two separate battles with pneumonia, which I believed, but it didn't improve through the summer or into the new semester. In fact, she'd begun to shift more and more away from the woman I fell in love with. Even still, it wasn't sudden at all, so I didn't notice the differences until much later. September is when I finally realized that something had changed. I was now constantly asking myself if she cared, or if I was being stupid because of the lack of physical effort. When asked about it, I was made to feel dumb for even considering something had changed, and I noticed a power shift begin to form. I brought this to her attention, and began making demands to which she said she understood, and promised to work on.

 

Regardless, nothing seemed to change. In fact, it got so much worse. She began to hit me harder and harder when I would make stupid jokes, belittle me in front of our mutual friends, would become visibly angry with me over the smallest things, and take out her anger on external factors onto me. A few weeks ago, I was pulled aside by our mutual friends and told that her behaviour had been toxic at minimum and emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive at worst. They confronted her about it as well, and her first reaction was playing the victim card and thus she was exiled by our group. Since then she's seemed to recognize the gravity of the situation, and has shown real remorse, despite there being growing pains still.

 

All while this is going on, the sports team that I had put all of my free time into has actively gone out of their way to give me less and less of a role, despite proving again and again that I'm ready for an elevated standing. This time last year my coaches started talking about professional avenues, whereas now I can't buy minutes on any of our clubs teams. I'm now at the point where I don't know what to do.  I don't feel safe with someone who I thought with my person, but I don't know what my limit is for a relationship. As I said before, it's my first real one and over the past couple weeks she has shown a real attempt to try and make things better, as we both believe that this is incredibly abnormal behaviour from her. Regardless, I'm seeing serious psychological damage from the past few months such as flinching at sudden movements, feeling lesser around my group of friends, and being scared to make jokes for fear of being belittle despite generally being a happy, joking guy. 

 

Given that I didn't want to spend any excess time thinking, I began spending a lot more time at school, then at work (20-35 hours per week)/exercising, and then I would come home and drink after midnight before getting up at 6am for class. The alcohol went on for a week before I realized I could be forming a dependency, and I haven't touched it since. I'm now in the heart of midterm season, I can't force myself to focus on class or homework, I've skipped lectures and quizzes, I'm not giving a great effort at work, I'm resenting the sport that I live for and wanted to make a career out of because of how I've been treated, and I feel like a fool for not noticing I've been in constant pain this semester. I just want things to go back to how they were and I don't know how to go forwards. I sent a message to my prof today requesting academic concession due to mental health concerns, but I don't know how it'll go over given that I'm not at a point where I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. 

 

I'm just tired. 

Just take care of yourself, mental health is important. I went through a mental health crisis in University and got kicked out in my third year. It took me until long after I graduated at a different  University to figure out I had a learning disability and ADHD... 

The only thing I can suggest is that you monitor your feelings and if you are ever feeling super low don't be afraid to talk to a doctor even if you go to a walk-in clinic. It's perfectly normal to be sad and need help, we all do.  

[4petesake]

1 hour ago, AngryElf said:

I'm in a really rough place right now. Be prepared for some oversharing lol

 

I went through most of high school with my first real relationship, and we've still been going strong through our first years of university. We've always been super close, even through our problems but there was never anything more than we could handle. I grew up with her, and we really started to think about our next steps like moving in together, etc.. A little over a year ago, both of her remaining grandparents (who she was very close with) got cancer around the same time, and passed away three weeks apart. It was a really rough period for her, but I stuck by and helped her through. This was around thanksgiving last year. On Christmas Day, I was there as she cried after not receiving any calls from them, and I did everything I could to help her get through things. This was right around the time where I was starting to stress out over a major hip surgery I was going to have, keeping me out of competitive sport for over six months. I had to relearn how to walk over the course of the next month, and I was already starting to struggle with my mental health. I had just received a few diagnoses, and was recovering from a nasty bout of COVID while I was trying to stay on top of school around March, which also coincided with one of the now-deceased grandparents' birthdays. 

 

This is when I noticed things began to change. Slowly but surely, she stopped trying to plan things on her own and instead relied on me to make the plans for date nights, etc., without doing much work, if any. She had chalked it up to us having completely full schedules and me having two separate battles with pneumonia, which I believed, but it didn't improve through the summer or into the new semester. In fact, she'd begun to shift more and more away from the woman I fell in love with. Even still, it wasn't sudden at all, so I didn't notice the differences until much later. September is when I finally realized that something had changed. I was now constantly asking myself if she cared, or if I was being stupid because of the lack of physical effort. When asked about it, I was made to feel dumb for even considering something had changed, and I noticed a power shift begin to form. I brought this to her attention, and began making demands to which she said she understood, and promised to work on.

 

Regardless, nothing seemed to change. In fact, it got so much worse. She began to hit me harder and harder when I would make stupid jokes, belittle me in front of our mutual friends, would become visibly angry with me over the smallest things, and take out her anger on external factors onto me. A few weeks ago, I was pulled aside by our mutual friends and told that her behaviour had been toxic at minimum and emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive at worst. They confronted her about it as well, and her first reaction was playing the victim card and thus she was exiled by our group. Since then she's seemed to recognize the gravity of the situation, and has shown real remorse, despite there being growing pains still.

 

All while this is going on, the sports team that I had put all of my free time into has actively gone out of their way to give me less and less of a role, despite proving again and again that I'm ready for an elevated standing. This time last year my coaches started talking about professional avenues, whereas now I can't buy minutes on any of our clubs teams. I'm now at the point where I don't know what to do.  I don't feel safe with someone who I thought with my person, but I don't know what my limit is for a relationship. As I said before, it's my first real one and over the past couple weeks she has shown a real attempt to try and make things better, as we both believe that this is incredibly abnormal behaviour from her. Regardless, I'm seeing serious psychological damage from the past few months such as flinching at sudden movements, feeling lesser around my group of friends, and being scared to make jokes for fear of being belittle despite generally being a happy, joking guy. 

 

Given that I didn't want to spend any excess time thinking, I began spending a lot more time at school, then at work (20-35 hours per week)/exercising, and then I would come home and drink after midnight before getting up at 6am for class. The alcohol went on for a week before I realized I could be forming a dependency, and I haven't touched it since. I'm now in the heart of midterm season, I can't force myself to focus on class or homework, I've skipped lectures and quizzes, I'm not giving a great effort at work, I'm resenting the sport that I live for and wanted to make a career out of because of how I've been treated, and I feel like a fool for not noticing I've been in constant pain this semester. I just want things to go back to how they were and I don't know how to go forwards. I sent a message to my prof today requesting academic concession due to mental health concerns, but I don't know how it'll go over given that I'm not at a point where I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. 

 

I'm just tired. 

I know that you aren’t directly asking for advice but…
Go talk to your doctor my friend. Let him/her know how physically and mentally beat down you are. They may be able to help with the academic concession as well.  Ask for a referral to a mental health professional so can talk about these things. It’s perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed going through all of these stresses at once, a relationship, personal life, friends, work, school, sports? Geez who wouldn’t feel tired!
It sounds like you feel stuck right now. You express yourself so well and having someone to share your thoughts with would help you move forward. Good on you for recognizing that alcohol can be a danger to you right now. Be well.

[DS4quality]

Confession time: 

I've recently had to quit cannabis (THC) on doctors orders to for my new medication to work.  I did quit cold turkey, but the side effects  aren't pleasant. I feel like I'm on edge all the time ready to snap (it's been better the last couple days, but lingers). 

But the worst part is that one of the I used cannabis was to limit my dreaming. Now I keep having these dreams about my ex partner who broke up with me 9 years ago, and it took me almost 5 years to get over them now they're haunting my dreams. Even with the sleeping pills I've been described I keep on waking up super sad and exhausted. It makes my days feel long and all of a sudden I'm missing my ex again. 

I moved from Edmonton to Toronto so I wouldn't see them but my dreams have been my worst enemy.

[bishopshodan]

On 11/6/2022 at 7:23 PM, DS4quality said:

Confession time: 

I've recently had to quit cannabis (THC) on doctors orders to for my new medication to work.  I did quit cold turkey, but the side effects  aren't pleasant. I feel like I'm on edge all the time ready to snap (it's been better the last couple days, but lingers). 

But the worst part is that one of the I used cannabis was to limit my dreaming. Now I keep having these dreams about my ex partner who broke up with me 9 years ago, and it took me almost 5 years to get over them now they're haunting my dreams. Even with the sleeping pills I've been described I keep on waking up super sad and exhausted. It makes my days feel long and all of a sudden I'm missing my ex again. 

I moved from Edmonton to Toronto so I wouldn't see them but my dreams have been my worst enemy.

Really sorry to hear that.

Big part of my consumption is about my sleep too.

I suffer from sleep paralysis. The herb prevents me from having episodes.

 

Hope you get some relief. Maybe try some meditation? or go talk to a professional?  it might be time to face those old demons sober, perhaps a therapist can give you some tools to help.

Good luck. 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2022 by bishopshodan

[OldFaithfulCap]

I worry about the future of Hockey in Canada. When i first starting really following the Canucks in 2002, Canadians were hockey obsessed and incredibly nice to an outsider who was learning about it. Every Canadian i've met in the past 10 years doesn't care about hockey anymore. Maybe its the long drought of Stanley Cup success, maybe its the wins by franchises that will never really care or maybe its related to increased diversity with different sporting interests (though Canadians have always welcomed immigrants) but it makes me wonder if hockey is still going to be number one in Canada in 20 years. 

 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2022 by OldFaithfulCap