nucklehead Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/04/18/jesus-not-coming-back-by-the-looks-of-it-admits-vatican/ A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican has officially announced today that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news. Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore told WWN that this years 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth. “We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.” Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly” The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments. “Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.” The church said it will now focus attentions on rebuilding its reputation around the world, but will keep an optimistic mind for the savior’s second coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Clutch Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Troll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avelanch Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 this isn't even funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BanTSN Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Your thread Sucks, brah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaxieMan98 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 This is offensive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ice orca Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Jesus just left Chicago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejazz97 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Bud. Source is satirical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Clutch Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Bud. Source is satirical. I think he knows. He just knows the potential on this board when that name is mentioned. He's trolling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crackers Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 this isn't even funny. This is offensive Awww did this thread hurt your feelings? It'll be ok just go take a nap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nucklehead Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Of course, but it's also true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFBR392 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The jig is up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babych Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 This is offensive Were you really offended by this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhillipBlunt Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Say it ain't so, Jebus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Clutch Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 This thread should be locked. Trolling. No substance. Plus it will get out of hand soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUPERTKBD Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Not really "offensive", but not really funny either.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elvis15 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I've never, ever heard a joke so funny it's worth creating a new thread for. This just proves that premise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.B Cooper Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 You people who are offended by a satirical article need to go to bed. Jesus drunk ass Christ. Stop being so sensitive. Chances are jesus was a drunk. Tradesman, turns water into wine, big beard. Sounds like a party guy to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babych Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Not really "offensive", but not really funny either.... Pretty much this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chalky Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Jesus sold me a blanket once in Tijuana. He also offered me moonshine. It may have been have been a different Jesus than the one being referred to here though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VanGnome Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 This is offensive I find blind faith in imaginative stories drummed up by superstitious people thousands of years ago, followed as doctrine in a modern society "offensive". I'm not saying people cannot have faith, and I'm not even saying that faith or beliefs and religion are mutually exclusive; but what I am saying is that how those beliefs and how that faith is framed in the context of modern times needs to adjust, and the perception needs to adjust instead of being taken at face value. Trolling such a subject that is so sensitive to many people doesn't help matters at all, but neither does escalating things in a hyper-defensive manner such as this. Rational discussion is rarely had when default behaviors are wholly irrational, it just devolves into a perpetual cat and mouse game. I'm pretty sure that I remember from my times in Sunday school (before I was able to decide for myself), that facing adversity with courage, humility and grace are one of the behaviors that are taught and supported. Instead of jumping out of the gun and lashing out because you feel your beliefs are being attacked, take a moment to recognize that the OP while obviously trolling, is also obviously satire, have a chuckle and move on. There really isn't any need for inflammatory attacks, and I know "because, reasons, because internet" but a change in behavior has to begin somewhere. I'm probably wasting my breath on the majority of folks here, but if one or two can adjust then it will be worthwhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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