Phil_314 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Firstly, like everyone else has already said, chill and don't burn bridges like that. You can't win in those situations. Next, I've noticed in your posts to this girl that you were likely in the initial awkward stage of mutual attraction where you feel like a couple after going on dates and talking lots but you just aren't confirmed in a relationship yet. From the beginning, you talked about how the feelings were mutual, which is a good sign. However, during this initial stage, something that happens, due to the volatility of the stage, is that upon discovering something negative about the other person, the initial feelings can quickly turn sour. Case in point, when she realized that you wouldn't give her the attention she wanted she grew distant. Because of that I think that it's too much to say that she was only treating you as a rebound or that she wanted to ruin this relationship from the beginning. Fact is, given how the circumstances changed, feelings will change also like they did, and you can't entirely blame her for what happened. Lastly, as the old adage says, "time heals all wounds". I'd suggest that you take the time to process it all and calm down before talking to her again. Since you took the time to write it all out and get advice about it, I'd think that you do care about the situation and that you'd want to salvage what you had with her, at least as friends, instead of burning bridges, and while you do want to clarify the situation, the frustration is rearing its ugly head in your messages to her. I know you're frustrated now, but leave the situation alone for awhile. Over time one or both of your perspectives may change and you may realize how much you two were fit for each other despite what happened, and something good may come of it. In that situation, at worst you'll be her friend if she decides to not let it become romantic. Alternatively, you may realize that it's not worth the effort to salvage the corpse of the friendship and in that case you're better off as well, since you would have closure about it. Either way, decide what your goal is (try to salvage things OR move on) and then act accordingly rather than sending destructive messages, which accomplishes nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Ambien Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 This girl is/was a family friend. We had more than several dates and we've established that we liked each other. That being said, i was being very delicate at ensuring that our friendship would remain intact. This eventually was a downfall. I will try and be as honest to reality as possible. We made lots of calls (every night or every other night) and skyped a lot. Our conversations seemed endless. Then we drifted apart. I was too busy (i.e i was stressed, went out a few times too many, etc). I didn't give her the attention she wanted/needed. She turned distant on me and i asked her about it, twice. She lied twice. Eventually she'd tell me that she wasn't cool with what happened. She wanted to stay as friends. We had a phone conversation argument over her decision. She said she had "trouble expressing her feelings". I told her that she should've talked about this before making a drastic decision. She apologized and I was able to change her mind over it, so things seemed okay. But, our conversations became less and less interesting. The tension was clearly present. After asking her twice about what was on her mind (the same two times as the above), she admitted that she was distant and that her "feelings had changed", but still wanted to be my friend. I was upset obviously but i let it go, yet I felt the bitterness. About a week later, she told me she went out on what she 'thought' was a date with another guy. Two of them, possibly. She said "he was very forward". To clarify, he told her what he thought. I took this as a jab at me for being too filtered. I let that comment slide. I'm really upset at her. I actually hate and resent her. I want to nuke the relationship i have with her, even though she is a family friend and i never wanted this to happen from the start. This is what I was planning on writing to her, this early in the morning. I couldn't sleep because of it: So, you had intended for the relationship to (eventually) fail, which would explain why you were always so reluctant at expressing your feelings, or should i say... You lied, twice about them. Second message: Now those same "feelings" have changed? The same ones that you wouldn't tell me about? Third message: If you said it felt like a relationship/breakup, you wouldn't have been able to move on as quickly and callously as you did. Fourth message: I know you're more than capable of lying, so you can drop the act. Tell me I was your rebound. I want to write more but i don't know what else to add. I'm thinking about calling her (when she wakes up) to do it. I have work this morning, and i think I'm gonna be bothered by it, though i won't let it affect my work. Thoughts? Thinking too much. As others said, don't send the message. You're not a woman, there's no reason to convey your thoughts to her (that's what male friends are for, for taking you out and getting your mind off a woman) when things are actually a lot more simple than it seems -- she's indecisive. It happens quite often with young women. What will help her make her decision fastest is ranting at her, but the decision is not only tough against you but since women tend to socialize with other women, it might make it tough later too with other women, especially if you already know this person. As much as you may not like it, let it go, be friendly when you have to see her. One of the best talents of men is the ability to disconnect quickly. Time to practice that. Be the better person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jägermeister Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 100% true. The exception is ugly people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmm Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I hope you were just thinking of those last 4 messages and didn't actually send them... Don't be hung up on a couple of lies when it's early in the relationship. Just treat her like the friend she was. Even if you don't ever date her again, might as well keep the friendship.This is not early in the relationship. By my count we are entering year 3 of the ongoing saga of Dazz and the Family Friend. She had a boyfriend when this all started a couple of years ago, and I think they were still together last year when Dazzle reintroduced us. They had long late night calls even while she was still with her old beau.Either Dazzle is a sucker for punishment or he/she is writing a book or soap opera and needs our support when ideas wane.These threads are always good for a laugh as some "team members" say, "F^&% her, run as fast as you can," while others say' "F^&* her right in the p- uh you know, then tell all her friends about it".I don't know about the rest of you, but I am ready for another rousing installment of "Dazzle and the Family Friend" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Ambien Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 This is not early in the relationship. By my count we are entering year 3 of the ongoing saga of Dazz and the Family Friend. She had a boyfriend when this all started a couple of years ago, and I think they were still together last year when Dazzle reintroduced us. They had long late night calls even while she was still with her old beau. Either Dazzle is a sucker for punishment or he/she is writing a book or soap opera and needs our support when ideas wane. These threads are always good for a laugh as some "team members" say, "F^&% her, run as fast as you can," while others say' "F^&* her right in the p- uh you know, then tell all her friends about it". I don't know about the rest of you, but I am ready for another rousing installment of "Dazzle and the Family Friend" You didn't by any chance archive the last ones? Might be a good lunch time read. Edit: I've found one thread already: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/368007-does-she-like-me/ Edit2: Another thread: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/346160-i-know-i-deserve-to-be-flamed-for-this-give-me-your-hard-honest-opinionsthoughts-i-can-take-it-here/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmm Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Nope, well not this time. I looked up the first one last time, but now I am so well read that I am working from memory. Ja ja ja. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aGENT Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 You didn't by any chance archive the last ones? Might be a good lunch time read. Edit: I've found one thread already: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/368007-does-she-like-me/ Edit2: Another thread: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/346160-i-know-i-deserve-to-be-flamed-for-this-give-me-your-hard-honest-opinionsthoughts-i-can-take-it-here/ Dazzle seems like a walking, talking friend zone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Ambien Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Seemed to be the theme. Dazzle, my friend, you need to learn when to let go. I really hope this isn't causing you actual problems in life. No one is worth this. :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLASSJAW Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I really want to wreck her morning. Just tell her this. If she appears visually flustered and aroused, you know you have an in and a good chance with her If she doesn't, and she feels uncomfortable and scared, you know there's a problem and you should just hope you never see her again because that would be awk. if you're looking for a gf, maybe you should see if Luci is available yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.B Cooper Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Girls have girlfriends. Instead of being a dick and making this girl(and all her friends, that's usually how this works) hate you, why not be a man. Take the high road. Be a good dude. Tell her it is totally fine. Be her friend. Next thing you know, you are nailing her friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riffraff Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 100% true. The exception is ugly people. What would the pc term for ugly be? Or do we get to keep saying: sheeeeit you ugly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeefcakeBo Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I can only imagine how desperate Dazzle must come off to this girl in person. So much friendzone, so little chance of anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jägermeister Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 What would the pc term for ugly be? Or do we get to keep saying: sheeeeit you ugly. Aesthetically challenged? Visually unique? I don't know. I'm just gonna keep yelling *woof* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moz Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 So what happened? I hope you didn't send those messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintPatrick33 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 my guess is you are in the 17-22 year old range. At this point you both do not know what you want, and tbh most chicks will like to play the field at this stage. Also like everyone else has said, you just gotta play it cool hombre chicks dig the distant thing, you are just playing it wrong. Best thing to do is just be nice, but you may have ruined it by getting angry at her. Otherwise if you are nice to her all the time she will feel guilty inside, and tell her friends about it. At this point you can infiltrate her group and start hitting it off with her friends. Hell hath no fury like a scorned women, trust me dude you piss a women off she will never forget it and your rep will be ruined Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintPatrick33 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 You didn't by any chance archive the last ones? Might be a good lunch time read. Edit: I've found one thread already: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/368007-does-she-like-me/ Edit2: Another thread: http://forum.canucks.com/topic/346160-i-know-i-deserve-to-be-flamed-for-this-give-me-your-hard-honest-opinionsthoughts-i-can-take-it-here/ LOOL....I think dazzle is just a guy who has said hi to this girl a few times then walked away and these posts are just his internal thoughts. Any readers of Freud in CDC? Highly doubtful but lets give it a shot and analyze these posts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drewismyname Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Rebounding with guys emotions is a dispicable act she doesnt deserve the time of day. Maybe ignoring her will drive your point home. If she comes crawling back you probably wont want her anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustapha Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 This stuff sounds like mind games to me. If I were you, I would politely ask for some space and break contact. Don't show anger or say hurtful things, it will only serve to sour any further contact down the road. Ask yourself if you really need someone who acts this way in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stawns Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I really want to wreck her morning. This situation has left me feeling so uneasy. I really want the truth from her. That makes you a total dbag. Cut your loses, be a grown up and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desiboynux4lifee******* Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 From your description this girl seems tricky. OHhhhhhh boy stay away from these type. My advice, don't go for a girl who lies and than fufills her desires only to gloat about it after to you. Go for a girl that's honest and solid, meaning she says what is on her mind and doesn't put you in a puzzle of thoughts. LOL yep sounds funny but yep , rest is up to you those girls do exist, before someone says they don't, just very hard to find. Goodluck, also if you believe you can deal with her wackiness goodluck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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