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Syrian refugees successfully integrate into Canadian culture, already hate Toronto


The Bookie

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TORONTO - A group of Syrian refugees are being lauded for assimilating so quickly into Canadian culture after they immediately identified and lambasted all of the things that suck about Toronto.

“God, could this place be trying any harder?” said Qamar Barakat, as she took her first ever steps in Canada. “Y’know, most culturally relevant metropolises don’t feel the need to spend half their time screaming about how culturally relevant they are.”

There had been much debate about whether Canada should expect Syrian refugees to embrace the nation’s pluralistic values, specifically that all people, no matter their race or religion, can hate Toronto in any way they please. Luckily, it seems that most are already enthusiastically joining in.

“I’ve hidden in bombed-out cars that were better maintained than this so called ‘mass-transit system’,” said Adnan Javed, who was already preparing to move to Montreal or Vancouver. “The bombed-out car would probably move faster too.”

The refugees arrived at Pearson Airport, known to be the best place in Toronto as it can get you as far away as possible, earlier today. Representatives from the federal government were on hand to offer their sympathies to these heroic refugees who have been forced to live in such a horrifyingly abject region, especially right after escaping Syria.

“I was welcoming our Syrian brothers and sisters and I had a chance to speak to a young boy named Marwan,” said Immigration Minister John McCallum. “He was very shy at first, but eventually he asked me how a city that has only had 14 city councilors of colour in the last 180 years could have the balls to consider itself a multicultural utopia. Also, he wanted to thank the Leafs for continuing to be a flaming disaster. He says it reminds him of home.”

“Hell, that little boy might be more Canadian than I am,” added McCallum.

At press time, Torontonians were also talking about how much they hate Toronto as if that didn’t make them even more insufferable.

 

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This is a feel good story at the appropriate time of year for such things. I applaud the sponsors and people who truly are "loving their neighbour as themselves". Love is the only way out of the darkness of our world. Kudos to Canada for not giving into the culture of fear but rather bringing light into the dark places of the world. 

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The 163 people who arrived Thursday will settle in the following Canadian cities, according to statistics released by the Immigration Department:

  • 116 at new homes in the Toronto area.
  • Four in Windsor, Ont.
  • Four in Kelowna, B.C.
  • Three in Coquitlam, B.C.
  • One in New Westminster, B.C.
  • 20 in Calgary.
  • 15 in Edmonton.

A second flight is set to arrive in Montreal on Saturday.

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/syria-refugees-arrive-1.3360154

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Just now, Tortorella's Rant said:

I thought we weren't taking single individuals? His/her family is coming on the next flight or something?

Was just about to say the same thing.  I read somewhere that it was single males not being accepted.. and that they had to be in families.  Maybe a single female then?  (Or that his/her family is coming on the next flight..)

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1 hour ago, Tortorella's Rant said:

I thought we weren't taking single individuals? His/her family is coming on the next flight or something?

 

1 hour ago, Mainly Mattias said:

Was just about to say the same thing.  I read somewhere that it was single males not being accepted.. and that they had to be in families.  Maybe a single female then?  (Or that his/her family is coming on the next flight..)

 

4 minutes ago, The Bookie said:

I was wondering if the single person going to New West was the uncle of the boy who died on the beach in September. From what I remember he had a relative in the Lower Mainland, and she was trying to get the boy's uncle refugee status.

From what I have read there's an exception to the no single male rule and that is if you're single and gay.. 

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7 hours ago, The Bookie said:

Is it just me or does the joke seem not funny . Humility and thanks would be all I would say for letting me escape war and tierney. Haha Toronto sucks. ?????? Umm we just took you in as a guest to save your life. 

 

Im too touchy today I guess 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Bertorama said:

Is it just me or does the joke seem not funny . Humility and thanks would be all I would say for letting me escape war and tierney. Haha Toronto sucks. ?????? Umm we just took you in as a guest to save your life. 

 

Im too touchy today I guess 

 

 

 

 

 

It's not just that.  I think we all read stories of humans welcoming aliens to our planet with open arms and signs of greeting.  Then, they turn on us, making us slaves to terror.  

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11 hours ago, Bertorama said:

Is it just me or does the joke seem not funny . Humility and thanks would be all I would say for letting me escape war and tierney. Haha Toronto sucks. ?????? Umm we just took you in as a guest to save your life. 

 

Im too touchy today I guess 

 

 

 

 

 

Who is this Tierney you speak of? Sounds like an Irishman.

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13 hours ago, Bertorama said:

Is it just me or does the joke seem not funny . Humility and thanks would be all I would say for letting me escape war and tierney. Haha Toronto sucks. ?????? Umm we just took you in as a guest to save your life. 

Im too touchy today I guess 

I don't think you are. The whole "Toronto sucks and we should all laugh at them" is tired and in this context not funny at all, IMHO.

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