Dealing with Depression and Other Mental Illnesses

[Master 112]

1 hour ago, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

Yes. People don't want to/aren't able to help. Asking to talk ruins friendships. The psychiatric system is a failure. Nothing is new under the sun.

[Undrafted]

1 hour ago, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

Yes and no.

 

Like you, I'd been told that 'reaching out and talking' will help and I find it didn't help, either.  But unless the person you're talking to shares the same kind of values that you do, they're going to reply or respond with things they think would make them feel better if they were in your shoes, not necessarily the things that will make you feel better--those aren't the same things, after all.

 

A simple illustrative example: I'm admittedly an introvert and thus, I don't find 'socializing' to be enjoyable.  But because the vast majority of people are extroverts and sociable, more often than not, people would advise stuff like, "you should go out and be around people more", even though that's the LAST thing I'd want to do, even on a good day.  But people, including so-called 'professional' counselors, give that advice that because that's what would make them feel better if they were feeling depressed.

 

That said, I can't say I responded to stuff like that with embarrassment or shame like you have; with me, it was more... frustration than anything else, I guess.  But that's part of the individual aspect. 

 

I remember a few days ago, noting you posted a status thing where you lamented how people didn't "get [you] the way [you] needed to be got" and I can understand that feeling, really I do.  Perhaps I'm old and jaded now, but I've arrived at a point where I now no longer expect people to 'get' me at all and I can live with that part.  I realize that's probably of cold comfort, but at least you know that your reaction isn't as unusual as it might seem.

[Ilunga]

8 minutes ago, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

I am really sorry to hear this my friend,

 my experience has been completely different. 

All I can say is a sense of self worth has to come from inside oneself.

Every one has some good in them and you have to believe that.

 

If it helps send me a PM ,we can have a chat, share our stories.

One thing that I always tell myself when things look bad is that there is always somebody worse off than me.

I know that sounds trite and I feel sad for others who are worse off than me, however it puts my pain into context.

 

[JM_]

1 hour ago, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

I've seen this with my daughter who is a frustratingly independent person. It took her a long time to find a counsellor that worked for her (it was the 3rd one she tried that stuck, the first two times she seemed to regress a bit after trying it) but she was spinning her wheels until then and I do think part of it was her sense of independence and idea that she should be able to "fix" things on her own. No one would expect you to fix your own broken leg, sometimes we all need some help or coaching to get through things. But you have to find what works for you. 

[Ilunga]

Just now, Undrafted said:

Yes and no.

 

Like you, I'd been told that 'reaching out and talking' will help and I find it didn't help, either.  But unless the person you're talking to shares the same kind of values that you do, they're going to reply or respond with things they think would make them feel better if they were in your shoes, not necessarily the things that will make you feel better--those aren't the same things after all.

 

A simple illustrative example: I'm admittedly an introvert and thus, I don't find 'socializing' to be enjoyable.  But because the vast majority of people are extroverts and sociable, more often than not, people would advise stuff like, "you should go out and be around people more", even though that's the LAST thing I'd want to do, even on a good day.  But people, including so-called 'professional' counselors, give that advice that because that's what would make them feel better if they were feeling depressed.

 

That said, I can't say I responded to stuff like that with embarrassment or shame like you have; with me, it was more... frustration than anything else, I guess.  But that's part of the individual aspect. 

 

I remember a few days ago, noting you posted a status thing where you lamented how people didn't "get [you] the way [you] needed to be got" and I can understand that feeling, really I do.  Perhaps I'm old and jaded now, but I've arrived at a point where I now no longer expect people to 'get' me at all and I can live with that part.  I realize that's probably of cold comfort, but at least you know that your reaction isn't as unusual as it might seem.

You have great insight my friend.

 

No person is an island.

We all need some sort of human contact.

[Undrafted]

1 minute ago, Ilunga said:

You have great insight my friend.

 

No person is an island.

We all need some sort of human contact.

Yes, but everyone is different as to what kind of human contact we need and how much of it we want.

[Ilunga]

Just now, Undrafted said:

Yes, but everyone is different as to what kind of human contact we need and how much of it we want.

Totally agree.

I did not state how much contact, just that we all need some, especially in times of hardship.

[PhillipBlunt]

All alone is all we are.

[Shift-4]

Sometimes I'm more worried when I feel good. Just waiting for something to &^@# it all up. Or even worse, the feel good just goes away for no apparent reason.

[Tre Mac]

Quote

Dirty Road - Days of the New

 

I've waited to say so long to the shame that owns you
The limits are bound, there's more to be found inside of you
Give it some time, the voices seem heavy, I know this
If you play by the hour It's where you begin not where you will end

Today

And I feel like I am living where no one can find me
And I don't know how I've landed here
Sometimes I feel like those good things are behind me
Is the road supposed to get better than this?
And I'll find, yes I will find
Yes I will find...

 

So long to the faith, Believe in yourself, no fantasy
Discovery blind, I hope you will find The truth here...

Give it some time, Believing and knowing are two different things
If you play by the silence, It's where you will end, not where you begin

 

Get up and open your eyes
Don't let yourself ever fall down
Get through it and learn how to fly
I know you will find a way

Today

It's the same damn dirty road
I will find a way

 

[Ilunga]

Just now, Shift-4 said:

Sometimes I'm more worried when I feel good. Just waiting for something to &^@# it all up. Or even worse, the feel good just goes away for no apparent reason.

I think that way when thing are bad in reverse 

Then I tell myself that nothing stays the same and things will get better.

[brownky]

So there's a guy.

 

He gets up at the same time, every day. Has a shower, same time every day. Same thing for breakfast, same time. Maybe a minor variation depending on available household food supplies. Off to work, Same time every day.

 

He does his work, and does a reasonably solid job. He is affable and sociable at work, relatively liked and approachable. Goes home. Nobody sees or knows of the darkness, it's guarded behind the fortress, the veneer of a hearty laugh and a well faked smile.

 

The guy gets home, locks the door, doesn't speak to a soul until 'tomorrow'. The house is dark, his life is dark. It's never been light. There's no medication prescription or otherwise, none of it makes a difference, so no overindulgence to try to make the darkness go away... it's just dark. No reason for it to BE dark. He has everything one usually 'sets out' in life for, all the toys. All meaningless. None of it brings any light. He struggles to motivate himself to do required household-like tasks because there's no feel or benefit to doing it. Mowing the lawn, painting windows. It's all temporary, so why waste the effort when you'll just have to do it again? Ironically, same argument against making the bed in the mornings.

 

But eventually the guy realizes that there's also no 'blackout' either. It's just a 'twilight' like darkness. That's even more terrifying to the guy, because one should feel sadness when bad things happen. Not 'nothing'. But it's nothing. When someone close dies, or a family member... it's just nothing. When the towers fell 15 years ago, even then it was nothing (which should have been the first clue something was wrong). School shootings, Humboldt, etc. All nothing. There's no blackout, and no light. It's all just 'twilight' as it were. Just a robotic "well, that was an event that occurred.". He can't write anything on sympathy cards when one comes around the workplace, because he can't understand how they feel. He just copies and mixes combinations of whatever else is on there. He genuinely wants to feel, but he can't.

 

He has a few friends from various interests, but they're all kept to a certain distance not out of desire, but just some inherent ability to allow them to get close. Can't say the words 'I love you' to anybody, because it would be a lie, and he hates lying to people even to make them feel better.

 

He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't really like living either. He doesn't feel like he's living, it's just perpetual existence in the twilight. And then the alarm rings the next day, and the only reason he bothers to get out of bed is because of his routine, where it all happens at the same time, every day, and his mentality to continue to be reliable is the only saving grace to getting up - just keep the act alive for another day.

[Ilunga]

23 hours ago, brownky said:

So there's a guy.

 

He gets up at the same time, every day. Has a shower, same time every day. Same thing for breakfast, same time. Maybe a minor variation depending on available household food supplies. Off to work, Same time every day.

 

He does his work, and does a reasonably solid job. He is affable and sociable at work, relatively liked and approachable. Goes home. Nobody sees or knows of the darkness, it's guarded behind the fortress, the veneer of a hearty laugh and a well faked smile.

 

The guy gets home, locks the door, doesn't speak to a soul until 'tomorrow'. The house is dark, his life is dark. It's never been light. There's no medication prescription or otherwise, none of it makes a difference, so no overindulgence to try to make the darkness go away... it's just dark. No reason for it to BE dark. He has everything one usually 'sets out' in life for, all the toys. All meaningless. None of it brings any light. He struggles to motivate himself to do required household-like tasks because there's no feel or benefit to doing it. Mowing the lawn, painting windows. It's all temporary, so why waste the effort when you'll just have to do it again? Ironically, same argument against making the bed in the mornings.

 

But eventually the guy realizes that there's also no 'blackout' either. It's just a 'twilight' like darkness. That's even more terrifying to the guy, because one should feel sadness when bad things happen. Not 'nothing'. But it's nothing. When someone close dies, or a family member... it's just nothing. When the towers fell 15 years ago, even then it was nothing (which should have been the first clue something was wrong). School shootings, Humboldt, etc. All nothing. There's no blackout, and no light. It's all just 'twilight' as it were. Just a robotic "well, that was an event that occurred.". He can't write anything on sympathy cards when one comes around the workplace, because he can't understand how they feel. He just copies and mixes combinations of whatever else is on there. He genuinely wants to feel, but he can't.

 

He has a few friends from various interests, but they're all kept to a certain distance not out of desire, but just some inherent ability to allow them to get close. Can't say the words 'I love you' to anybody, because it would be a lie, and he hates lying to people even to make them feel better.

 

He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't really like living either. He doesn't feel like he's living, it's just perpetual existence in the twilight. And then the alarm rings the next day, and the only reason he bothers to get out of bed is because of his routine, where it all happens at the same time, every day, and his mentality to continue to be reliable is the only saving grace to getting up - just keep the act alive for another day.

In a world that we are so supposedly more connected than ever, this story is getting more common.

A recent study here in Aus stated that 8 out of 10 Aussie say loneliness is increasing.

[Rosalie73]

Mental health hasn't been addressed in the Quebec's electoral campaign and it's a shame. Quebec is awful in that regard.

[Fan since 82]

On 07/09/2018 at 11:06 AM, Ilunga said:

I shared the bad, now I will share the good. After over 9 months of not seeing the person I love the most, my 5 year old son, I will be seeing him next friday. Over all I have had a great life punctuated by moments of great pain but next friday will be the happiest day of my life.

So how did the visit go?

[Ilunga]

4 hours ago, Fan since 82 said:

So how did the visit go?

Brother it was the best day of my life.

 

As soon as he saw me his face lit up, he ran towards me, jumped into my arms, hugged me and said daddy I love you.

That was the best moment of my life.

I have had some incredibly good moments in life however I would trade them all for that moment.

We played together, hung out, he had remembered many of the things I had taught him, to be polite to others, say please, thank you, share with others.

We have met a second time and the bond is growing again, he wants to jump on my shoulders like he used to.

There's so much I could tell you.

 

Thanks for asking...dave

[Fan since 82]

2 hours ago, Ilunga said:

Brother it was the best day of my life.

 

As soon as he saw me his face lit up, he ran towards me, jumped into my arms, hugged me and said daddy I love you.

That was the best moment of my life.

I have had some incredibly good moments in life however I would trade them all for that moment.

We played together, hung out, he had remembered many of the things I had taught him, to be polite to others, say please, thank you, share with others.

We have met a second time and the bond is growing again, he wants to jump on my shoulders like he used to.

There's so much I could tell you.

 

Thanks for asking...dave

Nice! Was thinking about you the other day and was wondering! Bless you!!!

[Cramarossa]

On 9/26/2018 at 3:21 PM, brownky said:

He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't really like living either. He doesn't feel like he's living, it's just perpetual existence

Me.

[Ilunga]

On 13/10/2018 at 4:50 PM, Cramarossa said:

Me.

There is a Bhutanese belief system that if you contemplate Death for 5 minutes every day this leads to a happier existence.

Bhutan has been ranked as the 8th happiest country on this planet by business week

 

There is an App, WeCroak, that reminds you five times a day that you are going to die.

 

A study by the University of Kentucky in 2007 seemed to back up the fact that by contemplating death it makes one happier.

 

 

[\/ijay]

On 9/21/2018 at 12:50 PM, Cramarossa said:

I keep having people tell me that reaching out, talking about my problems, etc. will make things better but experience has been the exact opposite. The more I open up, the more I am embarrassed, ashamed, alone. 

 

Anyone else experience this? 

I experienced the same. Everyone wants you to open up but it just makes the few friends you have drift farther apart from you. Depression is, well, depressing and it wears people down to hear about it. They start out really supportive at first and if you're just temporarily sad that works out well. But if you are depressed its not going to disappear overnight. They get to the point where enough is enough and they expect you to just get over it.