Marijuana Cures All Disease

[nucklehead]

https://newmainenews.com/2019/01/03/marijuana-cures-all-disease-reports-unhealthiest-person-youve-ever-met/?fbclid=IwAR2XY_jGNegyfwzOJE5nCcpm5MmapCUrzmZIEPGJw1BkyZD-In4rHzap7eE

 

January 3, 2019

Marijuana Cures All Disease, Reports Unhealthiest Person You’ve Ever Met

 

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Medical marijuana treats and alleviates all known sicknesses, reports a man with chronic conditions of the skin, lungs, and other vital organs.

 

Eben Levesque, 58, a life-long marijuana user and decrepit bag of loose skin and bones, swears the substance can cure any disease known to medical science.

“They dipped a pacifier in weed oil, give it to a baby one time,” the wheezing, dandruff-ridden man reports, “after one treatment, the baby was cancer-free. Swear to God.”

Levesque, who walks with a pronounced limp thanks to untreated infections in his filthy feet, is a self-taught scientist on the subject of marijuana’s curative properties.

“One time when mumma had the flu, the doctor tells her ‘go home and rest,’ so she went home and rested. Didn’t smoke at all. Took her 2 weeks before she was right again,” he said.

“But when I had a cold, I smoked a few bowls and I was feeling better in a week. Stuff is almost magical.”

Levesque said marijuana will never catch on as a treatment for all human diseases as long as there’s money to be made “treating the sick but not curing them.”

The expert on human health lit up a Marlboro red after a tremendous coughing spell brought on from a bong hit.

“Cigarettes get you 10% higher, guy.”

 

[luckylager]

Well it does cure tightassedness and severe cases of butthurt neocon.

 

[falcon45ca]

Does marijuana cure diabetes?

[nucklehead]

1 hour ago, falcon45ca said:

Does marijuana cure diabetes?

doubtful as users tend to overindulge on sugary junk

[riffraff]

That’s wisdom right there. 

[falcon45ca]

29 minutes ago, nucklehead said:

doubtful as users tend to overindulge on sugary junk

Surely it cures COPD though, right?

 

 

WHY WOULD AN INTERNET ARTICLE BE UNTRUE????????

[Master 112]

baffling that there are people who still have something against those who partake

[Master 112]

like, what are you, 70?

[Qwags]

1 hour ago, riffraff said:

That’s wisdom right there. 

Old people are so wise.

[falcon45ca]

2 hours ago, Qwags said:

Old people are so wise.

They are wise.

 

 

The truth is that ignorant & arrogant folk across the human race is rampant.

 

Also, controversy sells. It is startling how many examples there are of people making claims they do not believe.

 

I'd also like to add that marijuana cured me of blindess; Where once there was darkness, now I see the light.

[riffraff]

4 hours ago, falcon45ca said:

They are wise.

 

 

The truth is that ignorant & arrogant folk across the human race is rampant.

 

Also, controversy sells. It is startling how many examples there are of people making claims they do not believe.

 

I'd also like to add that marijuana cured me of blindess; Where once there was darkness, now I see the light.

I was lost.

 

but now I am found.

[Tre Mac]

My thoughts changed on pot when at 15 I saw my grandma smoke it just so she could eat.  I tried it myself at 18 and never looked backed. 

 

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What the Hell is this nonsense all about? Are you trying to be sarcastic or did you actually go out find the worst example you could to try and directed cannabis as a treatment? Seriously if it’s the latter, you might as well give up! No one is buying your $&!# anymore (if you’re a newspaper then literally) multiple studies back it up, it seems like everyday we get a new use or treatment from this wonder plant.

One of the comments, I think he/she meant detract instead of directed. 

[189lb enforcers?]

58?

Exactly what a 58 year-old person who smokes dope or cigarettes as much as that will look like. 

 

[189lb enforcers?]

On 1/7/2019 at 7:04 PM, luckylager said:

Well it does cure tightassedness and severe cases of butthurt neocon.

 

It also creates a lot of unfinished Home Reno projects and yard art. 

[luckylager]

24 minutes ago, 189lb enforcers? said:

It also creates a lot of unfinished Home Reno projects and yard art. 

Lmao!

 

Yard art?... Is that what they call random scraps of drywall and some manky old pieces of carpet in a pile?

 

I'll have you know, I only half complete outdoor renos, like my greenhouse, because the kids' hockey, swimming, skating, basketball and school seasons happened before I could finish. Also, it's too &^@#ing dark to hang glass at 6:00 when I'm home from work.

 

Get off my case, dad, geez. You just stressed me out, I need a toke now. 

[Aladeen]

Marijuana doesn't cure all disease, though I know what does.

 

My semen. That's right for the low prices of 4 payments of $199.99. I will send you one industrial size barrel of Aladeen's Formula 9122 Cure All.

 

 

As you can see we are stocked well for now but it is selling out quickly so act fast as I am only one man and even I struggle to keep up with demand.

 

I have been producing this for a few decades now and it has been rigorously tested for safety and quality.

 

 

Not approved by the FDA, Health Canada, Or any other Organization. Use of Aladeen's Formula 9122 Cure All may lead to impregnation, pink eye or in rare occurrences death due to drowning. This product should not be taken by anyone who has open wounds or stomach ulcers. Always consult your primary healthcare provider to see if Aladeen's Formula 9122 Cure All is right for you. Seek emergency medical assistance should you experience any euphoric sensation of pleasure or give birth to a baby with a beard.  

[Aladeen]

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