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Essay Thesis Checker(s) Requested


Dazzle

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"An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlight their contributions and the significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs, while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

 

Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible.

 

 

Thank you!

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8 hours ago, Dazzle said:

"An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlight their contributions and the significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs, while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

 

Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible.

 

 

Thank you!

"An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlight their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

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It's not plagiarism if the original idea is the author's, who is simply asking for editing.  Otherwise no author could use an editor.

Jimmy McGill's suggested edit is an upgrade.  I'm suggesting a few minor edits to his.

2 hours ago, Jimmy McGill said:

"An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlights both their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

In my experience (high school history teacher) a great thesis is the one sentence that says everything you want it to and wish you could stop after writing it.  The rest of the paper is just expanding on it.  My suggestion was only to bring it to a more active voice.

 

Note -- I am assuming the rest of the paper is going to show these things.

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2 hours ago, Jimmy McGill said:

"An examination of non-Caucasian women's movements for equality would highlight their contributions and their significant changes to society in correcting the wrongs while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

 

33 minutes ago, dm_ranger said:

It's not plagiarism if the original idea is the author's, who is simply asking for editing.  Otherwise no author could use an editor.

Jimmy McGill's suggested edit is an upgrade.  I'm suggesting a few minor edits to his.

In my experience (high school history teacher) a great thesis is the one sentence that says everything you want it to and wish you could stop after writing it.  The rest of the paper is just expanding on it.  My suggestion was only to bring it to a more active voice.

 

Note -- I am assuming the rest of the paper is going to show these things.

Thanks for all the help people have given me in this thread - and thank you dm_ranger for the suggestion of active voice.

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14 hours ago, Dazzle said:

"An examination of non-Caucasian women would uncover their respective movements for equality, which would highlighting their contributions and to the significant changes to in correcting societal wrongs, and while underscoring the remaining challenges that all women still face."

 

Can this be improved? Please be as helpful as possible.

 

 

Thank you!

As people have posted above, try to be more concise. Also less doubt-y language. Not sure this is the best...

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