16-month-old boy dies after being left in hot car for 9 hours in Burnaby

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15 minutes ago, PhillipBlunt said:

The amount of people coming out in support of the parents is truly pathetic. They left their son in a car for NINE hours. 

The fear for me is that everything is somehow becoming "acceptable" if we give excuses.  Offer up a "reason" and you're off the hook.

 

But, for me, some things cannot be justified.  Anyone leaving a 16 month old for MULTIPLE hours on their own, let alone in a hot vehicle, falls under that category.  

 

For 1 minute?  Sure...I can fathom that (but still can't really support it).  Your other kid bolts and you react....go grab him by the hand then get back to the car.  Something like that could happen.   But anything short of absolute do or die stuff?  Nope.  NINE HOURS?   No.

Forgot?  Nope.   It's our duty and responsibility not to "forget" children.  Period.  So anything that's distracted someone to the point of neglecting (because that's what it is) their responsibility in caring for a child is unacceptable "reasoning".  The child died.  We HAVE to be harsh in determining it could not have been prevented.

 

I am on a soapbox because, well, I've always been a strong advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves.  The parents don't need us to do that...they will have to address their end of things and can/will speak for themselves.  And if, God help them, their child was not in their own care during this tragedy...my heart aches for them.  But whoever WAS in charge of the child cannot be "forgiven" so easily.  Because that poor child who clearly suffered a great deal before perishing deserves that.

Like others, I can't shake this off.   And I'm so anxious to hear the story of how something like this could ever happen.  It shouldn't.

[-DLC-]

On 5/11/2019 at 11:55 AM, PhillipBlunt said:

A mistake.......Great summation. If you feel that a child being left in a car for nine &^@#ing hours is simple miscommunication then I guess any excuse will do. 

A child dying a needless and absolutely horrific preventable death is not a mistake.  It's negligence and a crime.

 

I feel strongly because, well, kids don't get to make these decisions but they're subjected to them.  And when we "care" for a child that's never to be taken lightly....if it results in death, that's nothing to just dismiss so easily.

[Master 112]

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their results.

[189lb enforcers?]

6 minutes ago, 112 said:

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their results.

Dead babies gets express-lane judgement and that’s likely down to genetics, and Humanism at its very core. 

 

I understand the value in the reminders not to prejudge others too readily and harshy. Heck, we used to burn women alive with the same group-think conviction, so I get it. 

 

If the story comes back that the parents were not at fault, it will still be the fault of a guardian who broiled a little tot and this barely moves the empathy needle for me trying to understand the actions of others, in a non-too judgemental way. 

 

Regardless, unless these are the kind of people who eat their young, the parents must be in a state of absolute grief, in its truest sense. I am so sorry for them. I can’t even imagine living with all of that, in fact, I don’t think my wife or I would have if that happened to our first borne, let alone if we were at fault for it. 

 

To any of you who have lost children, you’re the toughest of us all. The only thing I can possibly imagine as being worse than basically having your baby murdered is if it were abducted or went missing. Honestly, I’m only so tough and that to me is utter dispair.

 

I’m so fortunate and these parents must be in hell. For that, I wish them peace. 

 

[189lb enforcers?]

1 hour ago, PhillipBlunt said:

A mistake.......Great summation. If you feel that a child being left in a car for nine &^@#ing hours is simple miscommunication then I guess any excuse will do. 

Bottom line, agreed... a kid sat in a toaster and died in agony. 

In this case, a spinning wheel of excuses accomplishes nothing here and only the result matters, the very grim result. 

 

Do people realize the pain involved in dying that way? I think most do. Imagine being literally cooked to death. Imagine being strapped in to boot. 

 

&^@#. I hate this news and wish I’d never seen the headline. 

[D-Money]

1 hour ago, PhillipBlunt said:

The amount of people coming out in support of the parents is truly pathetic. They left their son in a car for NINE hours. How anyone could ever do that is beyond me. 

Because they didn't realize the kid was in the car. You keep parroting this, as if it was a conscious decision.

 

People purposely do all sorts of terrible things to each other. That's always worse than a mistake, no matter how severe, IMO.

[-DLC-]

2 hours ago, 112 said:

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their results.

Not really.

 

I raised two kids (on my own, while tending to sick parents) with good results...it's a full time, no let downs commitment.  Intentions aren't enough, actions get it done.  

 

Not to brag...it's to make a point.  If I can do it, any idiot can.  I judge myself as harshly as I judge others.  (Probably even more so, but therapy can attend to that).    But to break this down as you have?  That's not really fair to this child.  The "results" here are a dead baby...that's kind of important to keep in mind.

 

And D$ - you have to "know/realize" where your kids are at all times.  So there are no assumptions or "I thought he/she" that can dismiss this tragedy.  You have to make conscious decisions to know where your kids are, not realize after the fact that they've been locked in a car.  Someone put a child in that car ... how do you not "realize" that until 9 hours later?  Unless someone else was responsible for them during that time...in which they have to own this.

 

If they handed the child off to a caregiver....then this is for them.  But whoever did "leave" that child in a car, unattended, will not be let off the hook for me.  Because it's negligent to do so.

[-DLC-]

30 minutes ago, D-Money said:

Because they didn't realize the kid was in the car. You keep parroting this, as if it was a conscious decision.

 

People purposely do all sorts of terrible things to each other. That's always worse than a mistake, no matter how severe, IMO.

Let me rephrase this (because this topic is SO important to me).

 

Your line - because "they didn't realize the kid was in the car".     Parents should always know where their kids are.  Period.  If someone put them IN a car, then you can't say they didn't "realize" it.  You don't put a 16 month in a car without also removing them from the car when you go.  Just basic 101 parenting.  You stay with them and when you vacate the vehicle, they go with you.  No if's and's or but's.  So many things can go wrong...even if it isn't a hot day out.

 

This isn't about being "better" than them/anyone.  It's about the duties and responsibilities of caring for children and that is the most important thing to consider here.  Someone failed this child miserably.  No mistaking that.

[falcon45ca]

2 hours ago, debluvscanucks said:

Guys, I'd really appreciate if, in light of the tragic nature of this thread, we refrain from jokes.  Thanks.  It's taking a light hearted turn that just doesn't feel right.

Excess of joy weeps, excess of sorrow laughs.

 

But your point is well taken.

[Monty]

Just now, debluvscanucks said:

Parents should always know where their kids are.  Period.

Don’t want to get too in the weeds on this. But clearly you’ve never been to Kolkata.

 

But in this case, I’m finding it hard to understand how it took 9 hours for the child to be attended to, and not by the parent.

 

There was one time when I left my daughter (a little over a year old at the time) in the car as I entered the grocery store (live in a small city of 13,000). Literally a minute later, I saw a woman with her 3 small kids and said to myself, “Sh*t! She’s still in the car!” So without knowing the details of this, which are still hard to understand how one could go that long without knowing where your kid is, I cannot fathom leaving my kid alone for longer than a minute (as I was guilty of that).

 

But to my snide comment earlier in my post about Kolkata/India. 15 million people in that city. The amount of small children that were left to look after themselves and each other is staggering. Roughly 20% of the world lives there. It happens A LOT more than we realize.

[-DLC-]

1 minute ago, Monty said:

Don’t want to get too in the weeds on this. But clearly you’ve never been to Kolkata.

 

But in this case, I’m finding it hard to understand how it took 9 hours for the child to be attended to, and not by the parent.

 

There was one time when I left my daughter (a little over a year old at the time) in the car as I entered the grocery store (live in a small city of 13,000). Literally a minute later, I saw a woman with her 3 small kids and said to myself, “Sh*t! She’s still in the car!” So without knowing the details of this, which are still hard to understand how one could go that long without knowing where your kid is, I cannot fathom leaving my kid alone for longer than a minute (as I was guilty of that).

 

But to my snide comment earlier in my post about Kolkata/India. 15 million people in that city. The amount of small children that were left to look after themselves and each other is staggering. Roughly 20% of the world lives there. It happens A LOT more than we realize.

I just think we have to be really careful about "excusing" this.  Your kid was lucky.   But when children die, someone who was responsible for "caring" for them, for whatever reason, didn't.  And that's the focus for me.  The rest is just details.

[-DLC-]

12 minutes ago, falcon45ca said:

Excess of joy weeps, excess of sorrow laughs.

 

But your point is well taken.

It was just starting to become "a thing".   I do agree...we sometimes have to lighten these unbearable loads with laughter.  But if it tends to head toward a yuck fest that's gathering momentum, it's a bit disrespectful for the seriousness of it all.  I felt like it had the potential to start spiralling there.

 

But well said for sure.   Thank you.

 

I won't lie...I'm pretty emotional about this thread.  Can't seem to let it go.  Got into my car after work yesterday and it was sweltering...grumbled.  Then thought of that poor little boy....

 

I'd better go time out because I've put my thoughts out there.  They won't change...

[D-Money]

2 hours ago, debluvscanucks said:

Let me rephrase this (because this topic is SO important to me).

 

Your line - because "they didn't realize the kid was in the car".     Parents should always know where their kids are.  Period.  If someone put them IN a car, then you can't say they didn't "realize" it.  You don't put a 16 month in a car without also removing them from the car when you go.  Just basic 101 parenting.  You stay with them and when you vacate the vehicle, they go with you.  No if's and's or but's.  So many things can go wrong...even if it isn't a hot day out.

 

This isn't about being "better" than them/anyone.  It's about the duties and responsibilities of caring for children and that is the most important thing to consider here.  Someone failed this child miserably.  No mistaking that.

I found a clip of an interview with a mother who did exactly this:

 

 

I also get upset when parents make willfully bad decisions that harm their family. And I'm of course upset for the child, what happened to it was horrible. However, I think it's ridiculous to tar and feather people who legitimately try to do their best, but screw up. Even when the results are catastrophic. Especially since, if you combine all of the sorrow and anguish for the child from everyone who hears this story, it still won't compare to what this parent is feeling. And eventually, we'll all move on to the next story/soapbox, but their nightmare will die with them.

 

If this child was left in the car purposely, that's one thing. But the fact that it was there 9 hours immediately says to me that the parent, like the woman in the video, honestly forgot it was there.

[189lb enforcers?]

The family must be in hell. 

Hearing this news makes us all feel the same core emotions. 

 

I think this is part of what makes us Humans. 

[RRypien37]

18 hours ago, falcon45ca said:

I personally believe birth control should be in the water.

 

The requirement to get a child under my Utopia?

 

Simple.

 

Just fill out the application, no right or wrong criteria.

 

I believe that, by virtue of the fact a hopeful parent actually completed an application form to have a baby, gives sufficient evidence they actually want a child. 

 

 

100% agree. Application, back ground check and full on license before parenthood. 

[J-23]

Wtf how do you leave you child in the car for 9 hours. No excuses.

[HI5]

I’m lucky to get 9 hours of sleep a night. 

[Lancaster]

11 hours ago, 189lb enforcers? said:

I’m not a spiritual or religious person, but there must be a place where children go. 

 

I’m nearly devoid of empathy in most cases, except where children are involved.

 

These stories stick with me and swirl around in my head. It’s why I stoped reading the newspapers years ago; kids being hurt is front-page, sexy news. It’s makes me sick, so I avoid it now. This thread will stick with me for a while now. 

As a non-religious/spiritual person, I still hope there's some form of afterlife/heaven for babies and children left too soon.

When they die, it's almost impossible to wrap your mind around.  The best way I can describe it... it's like the most painful of breakup you have ever felt, except it's even worse and there's nothing you can do or reason to make that feeling go away.  You feel an emptiness in your heart that you can actually feel, a sudden shortness of breath and your heart noticeably thuds for a beat or two.

When an adult or grandparent passes, we can always rationalize it in the sense that maybe they maybe had a good life, that they made an impact on the world, that they probably lived life with no regrets.  When a child/baby dies, there is nothing you can say or think to feel better.  The kid died... that's it, no solace whatsoever.  There is no way to celebrate it's short life.  That life is forever gone, nothing but limited amount of photos/videos/items and the realization through your grief that no amount of bargaining, rationalization or whatever will change things.  

[Sweathog]

The police should throw whichever moron was responsible for the child at the time in prison (for at least 20 years), in general population, and let the inmates administer justice.

 

The authorities should be handing out severe punishments to fools like these as an example to others. An innocent child dies because of stupidity.

Edited May 12, 2019 by Sweathog

[Gurn]

I can believe it was an honest mistake, however it does not change the need for some criminal repercussions.

If you drive through a stop sign you did not see, you still get a ticket, or worse if you hit someone.