have you ever,

[smithers joe]

had moments in your life that you would love to go back to, and do  differently?

my brother never phoned me, but one day he did. i wasn’t home but he talked to my life. he just asked how we were doing. he told her that i didn’t have to phone him if i didn’t want to. he just said he wanted to know we were alright. well i didn’t phone him back and two weeks later, he was dead.

my wife was on her death bed and i promised her i wouldn’t let go of her hand till it was over. she started throwing up out her nose, so i pried my hand from hers and went and got some-Q  tips. when i took her hand again, it was limp and cold. she started her heavy breathing and died. it should have kept my promise. 

anyone had moments, they’ld like to redo? 

Edited November 13, 2020 by smithers joe

[Coconuts]

Not just moments, but years. I was a pretty miserable teenager, I didn't suffer abuse or anything like others have but those weren't good years. But if I'd put more effort into them it could have been a different story. 

 

I sat in on an info session for the social services diploma I'm doing now when I was in my early twenties, I wish I'd followed through. I'd be in a much different place careerwise. 

 

My friend and I used to go downtown and party sometimes, one time he parked at my place and we walked down. Later, after walking home drunk, I let him drive home without even really giving it much thought. Neither of us did. He got home just fine, but it could have gone much worse. We're past it, but it still comes up once in a while. 

 

I've walked away from friendships and relationships, my way of doing things typically involves completely cutting people out of my life. But sometimes I miss some of them, and wish I'd handled things differently.

 

We all have regrets, things we'd do over if we could. Things we wish had gone differently. It's hard, because more often than not you don't get second chances. It's one of the harder realities of life and growing up. 

[falcon45ca]

Yes.

 

 

 

 

Wait, was the question "cornhole a drunk"? Cuz that's the question I answered

[diesel_3]

This crazy thing we call life does not come with a road map and instructions.

I have far too many things I would go back and change if i could. All I can try and do is be a decent person and try not to make the same mistake twice.

[MeanSeanBean]

For sure. Then there are things I would have changed a year, 2, 5 years after they happened, but it ended up being for the best. life is weird

[bree2]

big hugs for everyone today

[DarthMelvin]

2 hours ago, smithers joe said:

had moments in your life that you would love to go back to, and do  differently?

my brother never phoned me, but one day he did. i wasn’t home but he talked to my life. he just asked how we were doing. he told her that i didn’t have to phone him if i didn’t want to. he just said he wanted to know we were alright. well i didn’t phone him back and two weeks later, he was dead.

my wife was on her death bed and i promised her i wouldn’t let go of her hand till it was over. she started throwing up out her nose, so i pried my hand from hers and went and got some-Q  tips. when i took her hand again, it was limp and cold. she started her heavy breathing and died. it should have kept my promise. 

anyone had moments, they’ld like to redo? 

Sometimes $&!# happens that make you leave for a moment in time. So the loved ones do not want you to follow.  So a way is found so that you are not in their presence when they depart.

 

I hope they visit you in your dreams. So they can tell you they are ok.

 

Cheers. 

 

 

[smithers joe]

27 minutes ago, DarthMelvin said:

Sometimes $&!# happens that make you leave for a moment in time. So the loved ones do not want you to follow.  So a way is found so that you are not in their presence when they depart.

 

I hope they visit you in your dreams. So they can tell you they are ok.

 

Cheers. 

 

 

they did and told them but i doesn’t seem to be the same.

[CaptKirk888]

2 hours ago, smithers joe said:

had moments in your life that you would love to go back to, and do  differently?

my brother never phoned me, but one day he did. i wasn’t home but he talked to my life. he just asked how we were doing. he told her that i didn’t have to phone him if i didn’t want to. he just said he wanted to know we were alright. well i didn’t phone him back and two weeks later, he was dead.

my wife was on her death bed and i promised her i wouldn’t let go of her hand till it was over. she started throwing up out her nose, so i pried my hand from hers and went and got some-Q  tips. when i took her hand again, it was limp and cold. she started her heavy breathing and died. it should have kept my promise. 

anyone had moments, they’ld like to redo? 

I think that everyone does. I have moments I remember as a kid, as a teen, and as an adult that I wish I had handled differently. It's ok to have regrets, we learn from them. 

I have heard people say "I have no regrets", does that mean they had a perfect or charmed life? or does it mean they just don't care about certain things? I don't know.

 

I can tell you that I wish I had been the kindest, most gentle husband to wife once we found out she had cancer. We had a great marriage, don't get me wrong, but when your spouse is dying, you think about all the little times you thought you could have been kinder, more caring and more understanding. 

So that is my biggest regret in hindsight. She was 35. Far too young. 

 

As a single father of 2 grieving kids for 3 years, did I do everything right? No. When I met my wife now (18 years married so far) did I make the best decisions for my kids and our family? Probably not. I was coming out of my grief and blindly in love again. 

 

So many things more I could mention but won't. 

 

Joe, though I don't know you personally, it sounds by your recent posts that you are a caring and good person. I think that when your time comes, whatever has happened in the past, you will be alright. 

 

All the best, Capt. K.

[Sharpshooter]

If I didn’t have moments that I wished I could change, then I would never have learned any lessons and grown. 

 

@smithers joe, everything alright with you? You’ve been giving off strange vibes lately. Is your health good? 

[-DLC-]

Joe you are such a lovely man.  Sometimes things just happen as they're meant to...maybe to protect us?    

 

My Mom was in the hospice dying of brain cancer.  I used to go there after work to feed/stay with her, often into the wee hours.  I had kids at home so had to work it around them and if they were home or not.  She wouldn't eat unless Dad or I were there to feed her.

 

She wasn't eating and I tried, hard to coax her to.  A nurse came in and questioned what I was doing and then said "don't make her eat, her organs are shutting down".  I sat in the chair beside her bed until 5 am...holding her hand, knowing she was going to leave us soon.  When Dad came to relieve me, I rushed home and phoned work to let them know to cover my shift that day.  My boss was a hag...cared only about $$ and wanted to "talk" about it all.  I spent time explaining to her and, for a brief moment, she almost seemed compassionate and like a human being.  All of a sudden, my doorbell started ringing over and over...I peeked out the front window to see my sister in law.  I knew.  She told me to "hurry, it's time" and we sped to the hospice but we were too late...Mom was gone.  They'd tried calling me to let me know but my line was busy (it was a landline).

 

My brother really helped comfort me...he'd been a bit of a handful before he got clean and I'd looked after both parents as they dealt with cancer at the same time.  He hadn't been there for/with us, at all.  He said "it was my time to look after things, sis".  It helped, a lot.  He also told me it was really quite traumatic (how she went) and he was glad I didn't have to have that memory etched in my mind.

 

But I really regret listening to my boss blab at a time when I really shouldn't have given her the time of day.   It was such an intrusion and it cost me my last moments with Mom.  I really wrestled with it afterward.

 

So Dad was rushed to emerg this morning but I JUST got a call that I can go in and see him so I guess I'm off now....

[smithers joe]

i’m fine for my age. thanks for the concern. i’m not going senile, i don’t think. 

[Sharpshooter]

1 minute ago, smithers joe said:

i’m fine for my age. thanks for the concern. i’m not going senile, i don’t think. 

Your senility was never in doubt. I was a bit concerned about your health. Wanted to make sure you’re still around here for a good long time. 

[smithers joe]

4 minutes ago, debluvscanucks said:

My Mom was in the hospice dying of brain cancer.  I used to go there after work to feed/stay with her, often into the wee hours.  I had kids at home so had to work it around them and if they were home or not.  She wouldn't eat unless Dad or I were there to feed her.

 

She wasn't eating and I tried, hard to coax her to.  A nurse came in and questioned what I was doing and then said "don't make her eat, her organs are shutting down".  I sat in the chair beside her bed until 5 am...holding her hand, knowing she was going to leave us soon.  When Dad came to relieve me, I rushed home and phoned work to let them know to cover my shift that day.  My boss was a hag...cared only about $$ and wanted to "talk" about it all.  I spent time explaining to her and, for a brief moment, she almost seemed compassionate and like a human being.  All of a sudden, my doorbell started ringing over and over...I peeked out the front window to see my sister in law.  I knew.  She told me to "hurry, it's time" and we sped to the hospice but we were too late...Mom was gone.  They'd tried calling me to let me know but my line was busy (it was a landline).

 

My brother really helped comfort me...he'd been a bit of a handful before he got clean and I'd looked after both parents as they dealt with cancer at the same time.  He hadn't been there for/with us, at all.  He said "it was my time to look after things, sis".  It helped, a lot.  He also told me it was really quite traumatic (how she went) and he was glad I didn't have to have that memory etched in my mind.

 

But I really regret listening to my boss hap at a time when I really shouldn't have given her the time of day.  I wrestled with it afterward.

that must have been hard for you.  when my wife died, everyone was trying to ease my pain and heal me, while all i wanted was validation. my sister went on for an hour telling how she coped, losing her husband. i wanted to tell her to shut up but i knew she was doing what she thought would help. i learned that day that i should just be there with people when they greave, walk along side them, maybe not even saying a word. i guess we have to go through things, before we learn. good to hear from you big casino.

[smithers joe]

10 minutes ago, Sharpshooter said:

Your senility was never in doubt. I was a bit concerned about your health. Wanted to make sure you’re still around here for a good long time. 

i don’t know how long i’ll be around, none of us do, but i’m happy and content. cheers lad. 

[Sharpshooter]

16 minutes ago, smithers joe said:

i don’t know how long i’ll be around, none of us do, but i’m happy and content. cheers lad. 

Well, don’t you go and not be around for a long time. Your connection to our past is worth it’s weight in gold. Cheers Joe. 

[luckylager]

Thanks for sharing, Joe. I have regrets but wouldn't sacrifice what I have now to change my past.

 

Your stories are very different from any of the moments I regret. Mine feel superficial comparatively. 

 

 

[JustRich]

I have a couple of regretful decisions I'd love to take back, but without them, I wouldn't be where I am today.  Funny how it all works.

 

Cheers Joe

[Nuxfanabroad]

Since time is just a straight, uninterrupted line, it's in our nature to go back with second-guessing.

 

What do you do when ones you love, are being hurt/manipulated by other fam members? I struggled with this for decades. There is no simple answer with predicaments like these.

 

It was so frustrating  for me to witness/experience, I finally decided to start anew across the pond. I've made many mistakes, but that(in the early, & then, late 90's) was the best choice I ever made.

[Bad_BOI_pete]

yes, mom was in the hospital for a seizure. i got the call from my sister and me not knowing how serious a seizure could be i decided i would see her in the morning. i honestly thought nothing of it. she developed pneumonia from the seizure and later on that night stopped breathing. my brother commited suicide when i was younger, at the time i was very depressed due to my mental illness i suffer from. i missed a call from him 2 days before he took his life,i never called him back because i was so miserable at the time. i have forgiven myself from my brothers death, but am still upset over my mothers death which was just this year. there has been a lot of things i wish i never did in my life, but for the majority of them i have forgiven myself.