have you ever,

[Bad_BOI_pete]

4 hours ago, debluvscanucks said:

Joe you are such a lovely man.  Sometimes things just happen as they're meant to...maybe to protect us?    

 

My Mom was in the hospice dying of brain cancer.  I used to go there after work to feed/stay with her, often into the wee hours.  I had kids at home so had to work it around them and if they were home or not.  She wouldn't eat unless Dad or I were there to feed her.

 

She wasn't eating and I tried, hard to coax her to.  A nurse came in and questioned what I was doing and then said "don't make her eat, her organs are shutting down".  I sat in the chair beside her bed until 5 am...holding her hand, knowing she was going to leave us soon.  When Dad came to relieve me, I rushed home and phoned work to let them know to cover my shift that day.  My boss was a hag...cared only about $$ and wanted to "talk" about it all.  I spent time explaining to her and, for a brief moment, she almost seemed compassionate and like a human being.  All of a sudden, my doorbell started ringing over and over...I peeked out the front window to see my sister in law.  I knew.  She told me to "hurry, it's time" and we sped to the hospice but we were too late...Mom was gone.  They'd tried calling me to let me know but my line was busy (it was a landline).

 

My brother really helped comfort me...he'd been a bit of a handful before he got clean and I'd looked after both parents as they dealt with cancer at the same time.  He hadn't been there for/with us, at all.  He said "it was my time to look after things, sis".  It helped, a lot.  He also told me it was really quite traumatic (how she went) and he was glad I didn't have to have that memory etched in my mind.

 

But I really regret listening to my boss blab at a time when I really shouldn't have given her the time of day.   It was such an intrusion and it cost me my last moments with Mom.  I really wrestled with it afterward.

 

So Dad was rushed to emerg this morning but I JUST got a call that I can go in and see him so I guess I'm off now....

take care of your dad, best wishes.

[Bad_BOI_pete]

9 hours ago, smithers joe said:

had moments in your life that you would love to go back to, and do  differently?

my brother never phoned me, but one day he did. i wasn’t home but he talked to my life. he just asked how we were doing. he told her that i didn’t have to phone him if i didn’t want to. he just said he wanted to know we were alright. well i didn’t phone him back and two weeks later, he was dead.

my wife was on her death bed and i promised her i wouldn’t let go of her hand till it was over. she started throwing up out her nose, so i pried my hand from hers and went and got some-Q  tips. when i took her hand again, it was limp and cold. she started her heavy breathing and died. it should have kept my promise. 

anyone had moments, they’ld like to redo? 

about your wife, i think you did the right thing in trying to clean up after her. you were trying to do a good thing, and i respect that decision. im sorry for your losses, im sure there in a better place now, may they rest in peace.

 

[smithers joe]

i hope your dad pulls through deb, i know he’s had health problems before. he knows, you’ve always been there for him. my prayers go out for him and you. keep on trucking , good lady.

Edited November 14, 2020 by smithers joe

[smithers joe]

one thing i’ve leaned through this, is there is a lot of compassion here on cdc. my main purpose of this thread was to get to know stories people have that their either happy or sad about. people say they like hearing my stories, i’m just as eager to hear other’s stories. our lives are but little snippets of our lives. some will say, i don’t have stories to tell, but i disagree. some stories we would never tell and that is alright. 

i’ve told stories of, my childhood, baseball, playing and coaching, my navy days, my wife and family, different jobs i’ve have and thoughts and feelings i’ve had. i could write a book on all my short comings but i won’t. i’ll spare you all of that. 

my personal wish is that when someone dies and your trying to, console someone grieving , just be with the let them talk about what their going through. it is what we call, walking along side.  

thanks for showing your compassion, lads and lassies.

 

Edited November 14, 2020 by smithers joe

[Boudrias]

I have sat with 3 family members in hospice care until they passed. They were not gentle goodbyes. The process of dying is not gentle as the body struggles for life. Taking water away to hasten the process is cruel. 

 

We put my mother in private care as she needed medication. She asked me to take her home and I was to much the coward to make that happen. I could have found some way, I should have found some way. I'll never forgive myself for that. Later when she went into hospice I would sit with her late into the night reading aloud. She was not aware of her surroundings for most of that time. Call me a fool but the night she passed I saw a vision of my dead aunt come into the room and I know she came for my mother.  

[smithers joe]

9 hours ago, Petey_BOI said:

about your wife, i think you did the right thing in trying to clean up after her. you were trying to do a good thing, and i respect that decision. im sorry for your losses, im sure there in a better place now, may they rest in peace.

 

thank you and i believe they are. i’ll find out some day. take care of yourself lad. may your life be long. healthy and happy. 

[smithers joe]

17 minutes ago, Boudrias said:

I have sat with 3 family members in hospice care until they passed. They were not gentle goodbyes. The process of dying is not gentle as the body struggles for life. Taking water away to hasten the process is cruel. 

 

We put my mother in private care as she needed medication. She asked me to take her home and I was to much the coward to make that happen. I could have found some way, I should have found some way. I'll never forgive myself for that. Later when she went into hospice I would sit with her late into the night reading aloud. She was not aware of her surroundings for most of that time. Call me a fool but the night she passed I saw a vision of my dead aunt come into the room and I know she came for my mother.  

your not a fool, i’ve had visions too and nurses at care facilities tell stories of strange things happening when people in their care, pass. i feel how painful it was, but forgive yourself. i’m sure your mom has. thanks for sharing boud.

Edited November 14, 2020 by smithers joe

[-DLC-]

9 hours ago, Petey_BOI said:

take care of your dad, best wishes.

Thank you....he got released, but it's the second time in a month that he's been rushed in by ambulance with debilitating pain and vomiting.  Not sure if he should be home, but I'm monitoring things as best as I can.  Really, I feel safer when he's in the hospital and has nursing available but there's that whole COVID thing that has me uneasy so it is what it is.  Fingers crossed that we don't have to go back!

 

 

[-DLC-]

46 minutes ago, Boudrias said:

I have sat with 3 family members in hospice care until they passed. They were not gentle goodbyes. The process of dying is not gentle as the body struggles for life. Taking water away to hasten the process is cruel. 

 

We put my mother in private care as she needed medication. She asked me to take her home and I was to much the coward to make that happen. I could have found some way, I should have found some way. I'll never forgive myself for that. Later when she went into hospice I would sit with her late into the night reading aloud. She was not aware of her surroundings for most of that time. Call me a fool but the night she passed I saw a vision of my dead aunt come into the room and I know she came for my mother.  

It's not really cowardly...sometimes we make tough decisions because it IS in the best interest of our loved ones.  It's a huge responsibility to assume care for them if they have medical needs.  I'm wrestling with it as Dad pushes to come and live with me.  But the flipside is if something awful happens at home we'd also carry that burden.  That we should have, maybe, had them in care.  We'd wonder "if"....

 

You were there with/for her and that's what matters.  It can't be easy, despite the location.

 

My Mom begged to come home from the hospice (too)....she, too, had lost her connection with reality and thought we'd dumped her in a hotel!  Her first night there (in a brand new facility) was met with a huge, loose/stray rottweiller that had made his way on to the property...she's terrified of dogs and it was extremely traumatic.  I had to react quickly (we were outside...she was having a cup of tea and a smoke).  I threw the cup of tea and as he went to sniff at it I wheeled her through the automatic double doors.  The dog actually followed us inside.  I got her to her room, secured her then went and told nursing staff who reported that the dog was from next door and friendly.  That didn't help ease Mom's fear (at all).  It was SO difficult to leave her that night.  I know that pain and regret you feel...but we do our best and that's not always perfect.  

 

When I was with Mom on her last morning, before I left she kept trying to sit up and she had her right arm straight up to the sky and was saying "Mom?".   My brother (who was there when she passed) said she did it again...maybe there are loved ones waiting on the other side for us.  I wasn't really a believer in that but it's hard not to be.

[Boudrias]

1 minute ago, debluvscanucks said:

It's not really cowardly...sometimes we make tough decisions because it IS in the best interest of our loved ones.  It's a huge responsibility to assume care for them if they have medical needs.  I'm wrestling with it as Dad pushes to come and live with me.  

 

My Mom begged to come home from the hospice (too)....she, too, had lost her connection with reality and thought we'd dumped her in a hotel!  Her first night there (in a brand new facility) was met with a huge, loose/stray rottweiller that had made his way on to the property...she's terrified of dogs and it was extremely traumatic.  I had to react quickly (we were outside...she was having a cup of tea and a smoke).  I threw the cup of tea and as he went to sniff at it I wheeled her through the automatic double doors.  The dog actually followed us inside.  I got her to her room, secured her then went and told nursing staff who reported that the dog was from next door and friendly.  That didn't help ease Mom's fear (at all).  It was SO difficult to leave her that night.  I know that pain and regret you feel...but we do our best and that's not always perfect.  

 

When I was with Mom her last morning, before I left she kept trying to sit up and she had her right arm straight up to the sky and was saying "Mom?".   My brother (who was there when she passed) said she did it again...maybe there are loved ones waiting on the other side for us.  I wasn't really a believer in that but it's hard not to be.

Thanks Deb.

[Boudrias]

31 minutes ago, smithers joe said:

your not a fool, i’ve had visions too and nurses at care facilities tell stories of strange things happening when people in their care, pass. i feel how painful it was, but forgive yourself. i’m sure your mom has. thanks for sharing boud.

Thanks Joe. I have been doing some writing and these memories are returning. 

[Bad_BOI_pete]

im glad he got home safe. hopefull whatever that has been ailing him has shown its ugly head for the last time.

 

covid is really is a nightmare for most people, i just wish everyone would take it more seriously.

[-DLC-]

44 minutes ago, smithers joe said:

your not a fool, i’ve had visions too and nurses at care facilities tell stories of strange things happening when people in their care, pass. i feel how painful it was, but forgive yourself. i’m sure your mom has. thanks for sharing boud.

One night late (you could stay as long as you wanted) in the palliative ward at the hospital things started escalating at a frantic pace...buzzers, alarms, nursing staff running around.  I asked what was happening and was told that it was "the full moon".  Apparently the death rates increase during them...I saw it, first hand that night.  I never believed that stuff...but you sometimes see things that you can't deny.

 

Joe, I thank you for writing some really heart felt threads that connect us all.  We're all in this together it seems...."we are all Canucks".  This community extends far beyond "hockey" and this is testament to that.  It's helpful to have places to share, not only good moments, but painful ones.  We have some truly beautiful people here and the willingness to share is incredible.  

 

Boudrias...I, too, have been writing.  My daughter asked me to write my autobiography and it's been a slightly painful process.  Brings back a lot....

[diesel_3]

I really appreciate threads like these.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I know this is a hockey message board, but it's really nice seeing the human side of things.

Ya, there may be a group of the 'edgy' internet trolls on every message board, but for the most part, this forum is made up of some really good people who have some amazing stories to tell. I don't really know any of you personally, but I would be lying if I didn't well up reading some of these stories, man. Life is tough and I think reading that other people also go through adversity and make it out on other side is very encouraging that we are a versatile and adaptive bunch (humans).

 

Thank you for taking the time to share intimate parts of your lives. I have been lucky to have not lost anybody in my immediate family (Save for a Dad who chose booze over his kids -- Abandonment is it's own beast lol) but my mom has been going through health issues and it's a real wake up call. I'm 35 and my mom is 60, she developed this stomach bug that eats the inner lining of her stomach and in some cases, can later develop into stomach cancer. Her and my step-dad of 22 years just split up this year, he has his own demons which come from a very crazy upbringing (Low SES, abusive Dad, Mom died of Cancer, Dad committed suicide in their family home after setting it on fire...) and now is when I really feel I have to step up and help. She has a bit of property and a small place, but her home is heated by wood stove...all of their lawn maintenance tools, well...anything for that matter is complete junk, stuff always bought 2nd hand or you have to do some sort weird jerry-rigged way of starting a piece of equipment. My family doesn't talk about issues, we never have, we kind of find out in a weird way or almost through a joke as if we are still kids being protected from harmful information, it gets annoying, I wish we were told outright what was going on and how we can help. 

 

I have always felt like I am not a very good son. After my operational stress injury, I have lived in a hole for the last 10 years....these last couple of years I am slowly making my way back out and have been working towards bettering myself, but I still suck at the interpersonal stuff, especially with family. We never hugged or said 'I love you' much at all, we were a family that was just tried to survive, mom worked 3 jobs when my sister and I were younger, I was a bit of a handful when I was younger and didn't make it easy on Mom. I am now trying to make amends for not always being there. I just know that when the time comes, I want to be able to tell myself I did everything I could to help out, I always want to be there for my Mom especially if her health gets worse...that's what a good, able-body son SHOULD do, right? I have no problem chopping and stacking wood or mowing a lawn, but i'm almost afraid to start doing it for her. My Mom was always so strong, so tough, she intimidated men because she didn't take sh*t from anyone. Even when my Folks were still together, we weren't afraid of Dad, he was just a drunk puppy dog, harmless really. Mom was who were REALLY afraid of, she yelled, we got spanked (with the wooden/plastic spoons that would break over my arse, too!) I think i'm just so afraid of seeing her old and weak, it hurts.

 

I really don't know why I typed all of that out.

[smithers joe]

53 minutes ago, debluvscanucks said:

It's not really cowardly...sometimes we make tough decisions because it IS in the best interest of our loved ones.  It's a huge responsibility to assume care for them if they have medical needs.  I'm wrestling with it as Dad pushes to come and live with me.  But the flipside is if something awful happens at home we'd also carry that burden.  That we should have, maybe, had them in care.  We'd wonder "if"....

 

You were there with/for her and that's what matters.  It can't be easy, despite the location.

 

My Mom begged to come home from the hospice (too)....she, too, had lost her connection with reality and thought we'd dumped her in a hotel!  Her first night there (in a brand new facility) was met with a huge, loose/stray rottweiller that had made his way on to the property...she's terrified of dogs and it was extremely traumatic.  I had to react quickly (we were outside...she was having a cup of tea and a smoke).  I threw the cup of tea and as he went to sniff at it I wheeled her through the automatic double doors.  The dog actually followed us inside.  I got her to her room, secured her then went and told nursing staff who reported that the dog was from next door and friendly.  That didn't help ease Mom's fear (at all).  It was SO difficult to leave her that night.  I know that pain and regret you feel...but we do our best and that's not always perfect.  

 

When I was with Mom on her last morning, before I left she kept trying to sit up and she had her right arm straight up to the sky and was saying "Mom?".   My brother (who was there when she passed) said she did it again...maybe there are loved ones waiting on the other side for us.  I wasn't really a believer in that but it's hard not to be.

when they gave my wife, no more than six months to live, her wish was to die at home. my mother in law said if i wanted to put her in a home she’ld understand. i said are you crazy, she is my wife and i’m going to look after her. never regretted it. my hardest moment was when she begged me to end it all. i couldn’t. on another occasion she said in a joyous tone, oh look. i looked where she was looking but saw nothing. when i looked back at her she was sleeping or just lying there with her eyes closed.

a moment of blessing came when a couple came and related this story.

their daughter had given birth to a daughter, but was bleeding in side her. they rushed her from smithers to terrace. the parents were in the ambulance wiith her. she died but the attendant used the paddles and brought her back. she asked them, where is my husband? they said he was in a car following, she said, no he isn’t, i was just back there. then she died again and again the attendant brought her back. she asked her parents, where was she just at? they replied they didn’t know. she said it is was so beautiful and restful there, she didn’t want to leave. then she died again but he couldn’t bring her back.

by the way, my wife only lasted 3 weeks.

[-DLC-]

39 minutes ago, diesel_3 said:

I really appreciate threads like these.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I know this is a hockey message board, but it's really nice seeing the human side of things.

Ya, there may be a group of the 'edgy' internet trolls on every message board, but for the most part, this forum is made up of some really good people who have some amazing stories to tell. I don't really know any of you personally, but I would be lying if I didn't well up reading some of these stories, man. Life is tough and I think reading that other people also go through adversity and make it out on other side is very encouraging that we are a versatile and adaptive bunch (humans).

 

Thank you for taking the time to share intimate parts of your lives. I have been lucky to have not lost anybody in my immediate family (Save for a Dad who chose booze over his kids -- Abandonment is it's own beast lol) but my mom has been going through health issues and it's a real wake up call. I'm 35 and my mom is 60, she developed this stomach bug that eats the inner lining of her stomach and in some cases, can later develop into stomach cancer. Her and my step-dad of 22 years just split up this year, he has his own demons which come from a very crazy upbringing (Low SES, abusive Dad, Mom died of Cancer, Dad committed suicide in their family home after setting it on fire...) and now is when I really feel I have to step up and help. She has a bit of property and a small place, but her home is heated by wood stove...all of their lawn maintenance tools, well...anything for that matter is complete junk, stuff always bought 2nd hand or you have to do some sort weird jerry-rigged way of starting a piece of equipment. My family doesn't talk about issues, we never have, we kind of find out in a weird way or almost through a joke as if we are still kids being protected from harmful information, it gets annoying, I wish we were told outright what was going on and how we can help. 

 

I have always felt like I am not a very good son. After my operational stress injury, I have lived in a hole for the last 10 years....these last couple of years I am slowly making my way back out and have been working towards bettering myself, but I still suck at the interpersonal stuff, especially with family. We never hugged or said 'I love you' much at all, we were a family that was just tried to survive, mom worked 3 jobs when my sister and I were younger, I was a bit of a handful when I was younger and didn't make it easy on Mom. I am now trying to make amends for not always being there. I just know that when the time comes, I want to be able to tell myself I did everything I could to help out, I always want to be there for my Mom especially if her health gets worse...that's what a good, able-body son SHOULD do, right? I have no problem chopping and stacking wood or mowing a lawn, but i'm almost afraid to start doing it for her. My Mom was always so strong, so tough, she intimidated men because she didn't take sh*t from anyone. Even when my Folks were still together, we weren't afraid of Dad, he was just a drunk puppy dog, harmless really. Mom was who were REALLY afraid of, she yelled, we got spanked (with the wooden/plastic spoons that would break over my arse, too!) I think i'm just so afraid of seeing her old and weak, it hurts.

 

I really don't know why I typed all of that out.

It's awesome that you did (type it out) though.  It really brings us closer together as a community human race when we share our experiences, good and bad.  We may not "know" each other, personally, here...but it doesn't mean we aren't there for each other.  Over time, especially so because we do develop a sense of friendship here.  And that's something pretty special. 

 

Your Mom's story sounds a little like mine, in that, I've been on my own doing stuff for myself.  Independence can be both a blessing and a curse.  As well, my stuff's all broken down, second hand (duct taped together) stuff...but I take pride in it anyhow.  Because not asking for handouts and help brings a sense of pride.  But can also get to be an obstacle because at times you need help but are programmed to just deal with stuff alone.  Can be a stubborn pride.

 

Sometimes being a good son means knowing enough to stay away ... my brother's story is that.  When he was there he was more stress, worry and work because he had his own stuff to work through.  He had to do that before he could be there for anyone else.  If your Mom is used to doing things for herself it could be tough to insert yourself in to that...I know my kids struggled with "trying" to do things for me because it was never the right way.  I'm learning that it's my deal to address that, not theirs.  The fact that you think of her and process this speaks to how much you care about her.  I hope she's ok in the end...you too.  It's hard to change the way it's always been but I'm sure she knows you care.

I'm really wrestling with the "seeing Dad old and weak" stuff too...sometimes it's easier to ignore it.  He just said to me that he's sure my brother doesn't see him as a guy in his 80's.  It's a cold, hard acceptance.

[Boudrias]

18 minutes ago, diesel_3 said:

I really appreciate threads like these.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I know this is a hockey message board, but it's really nice seeing the human side of things.

Ya, there may be a group of the 'edgy' internet trolls on every message board, but for the most part, this forum is made up of some really good people who have some amazing stories to tell. I don't really know any of you personally, but I would be lying if I didn't well up reading some of these stories, man. Life is tough and I think reading that other people also go through adversity and make it out on other side is very encouraging that we are a versatile and adaptive bunch (humans).

 

Thank you for taking the time to share intimate parts of your lives. I have been lucky to have not lost anybody in my immediate family (Save for a Dad who chose booze over his kids -- Abandonment is it's own beast lol) but my mom has been going through health issues and it's a real wake up call. I'm 35 and my mom is 60, she developed this stomach bug that eats the inner lining of her stomach and in some cases, can later develop into stomach cancer. Her and my step-dad of 22 years just split up this year, he has his own demons which come from a very crazy upbringing (Low SES, abusive Dad, Mom died of Cancer, Dad committed suicide in their family home after setting it on fire...) and now is when I really feel I have to step up and help. She has a bit of property and a small place, but her home is heated by wood stove...all of their lawn maintenance tools, well...anything for that matter is complete junk, stuff always bought 2nd hand or you have to do some sort weird jerry-rigged way of starting a piece of equipment. My family doesn't talk about issues, we never have, we kind of find out in a weird way or almost through a joke as if we are still kids being protected from harmful information, it gets annoying, I wish we were told outright what was going on and how we can help. 

 

I have always felt like I am not a very good son. After my operational stress injury, I have lived in a hole for the last 10 years....these last couple of years I am slowly making my way back out and have been working towards bettering myself, but I still suck at the interpersonal stuff, especially with family. We never hugged or said 'I love you' much at all, we were a family that was just tried to survive, mom worked 3 jobs when my sister and I were younger, I was a bit of a handful when I was younger and didn't make it easy on Mom. I am now trying to make amends for not always being there. I just know that when the time comes, I want to be able to tell myself I did everything I could to help out, I always want to be there for my Mom especially if her health gets worse...that's what a good, able-body son SHOULD do, right? I have no problem chopping and stacking wood or mowing a lawn, but i'm almost afraid to start doing it for her. My Mom was always so strong, so tough, she intimidated men because she didn't take sh*t from anyone. Even when my Folks were still together, we weren't afraid of Dad, he was just a drunk puppy dog, harmless really. Mom was who were REALLY afraid of, she yelled, we got spanked (with the wooden/plastic spoons that would break over my arse, too!) I think i'm just so afraid of seeing her old and weak, it hurts.

 

I really don't know why I typed all of that out.

We seem to have some common threads. I think you do your best and have the good sense to take some time now and then and think things thru. Is there something I can do different or better or someone I should talk too? Your point about the no hugging is so bang on. One of the truly sad things is to realize your short comings and then realize you are slipping back into old behaviours. It takes practice.   

[smithers joe]

28 minutes ago, diesel_3 said:

I really appreciate threads like these.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I know this is a hockey message board, but it's really nice seeing the human side of things.

Ya, there may be a group of the 'edgy' internet trolls on every message board, but for the most part, this forum is made up of some really good people who have some amazing stories to tell. I don't really know any of you personally, but I would be lying if I didn't well up reading some of these stories, man. Life is tough and I think reading that other people also go through adversity and make it out on other side is very encouraging that we are a versatile and adaptive bunch (humans).

 

Thank you for taking the time to share intimate parts of your lives. I have been lucky to have not lost anybody in my immediate family (Save for a Dad who chose booze over his kids -- Abandonment is it's own beast lol) but my mom has been going through health issues and it's a real wake up call. I'm 35 and my mom is 60, she developed this stomach bug that eats the inner lining of her stomach and in some cases, can later develop into stomach cancer. Her and my step-dad of 22 years just split up this year, he has his own demons which come from a very crazy upbringing (Low SES, abusive Dad, Mom died of Cancer, Dad committed suicide in their family home after setting it on fire...) and now is when I really feel I have to step up and help. She has a bit of property and a small place, but her home is heated by wood stove...all of their lawn maintenance tools, well...anything for that matter is complete junk, stuff always bought 2nd hand or you have to do some sort weird jerry-rigged way of starting a piece of equipment. My family doesn't talk about issues, we never have, we kind of find out in a weird way or almost through a joke as if we are still kids being protected from harmful information, it gets annoying, I wish we were told outright what was going on and how we can help. 

 

I have always felt like I am not a very good son. After my operational stress injury, I have lived in a hole for the last 10 years....these last couple of years I am slowly making my way back out and have been working towards bettering myself, but I still suck at the interpersonal stuff, especially with family. We never hugged or said 'I love you' much at all, we were a family that was just tried to survive, mom worked 3 jobs when my sister and I were younger, I was a bit of a handful when I was younger and didn't make it easy on Mom. I am now trying to make amends for not always being there. I just know that when the time comes, I want to be able to tell myself I did everything I could to help out, I always want to be there for my Mom especially if her health gets worse...that's what a good, able-body son SHOULD do, right? I have no problem chopping and stacking wood or mowing a lawn, but i'm almost afraid to start doing it for her. My Mom was always so strong, so tough, she intimidated men because she didn't take sh*t from anyone. Even when my Folks were still together, we weren't afraid of Dad, he was just a drunk puppy dog, harmless really. Mom was who were REALLY afraid of, she yelled, we got spanked (with the wooden/plastic spoons that would break over my arse, too!) I think i'm just so afraid of seeing her old and weak, it hurts.

 

I really don't know why I typed all of that out.

i’m glad you did. i’ve some of the same feeling. your not alone.

[smithers joe]

1 hour ago, Boudrias said:

Thanks Joe. I have been doing some writing and these memories are returning. 

hope you and deb, share some more snippets. i’ld love to read them.

[bishopshodan]

I procrastinated on moving back to the Island from Vancouver.

I had known I would move back and be close to my family, I wanted to be with my parents as they got older.

 

None of us could have known the tickle in dad's throat would turn out to be the early signs of ALS.

They predicted he had a year left when he got diagnosed and they were right. He died a few days after he and mum's 50th anniversary. I think he held on to make sure they got to that milestone.

 

In that last year I saw a big strong tough Brit turn into a skeleton of a man with a feeding tube that could barely move any more. I rode the ferries a lot that year and battled some internal stuff that I am still not over, I don't think I ever will. I regret not making the move sooner. Just mum and I were with him when he passed, It was a hard moment but I am grateful to be with them at that moment. 

 

 I'm here now, we've built a granny suite for mum.

I never told dad I loved him, I regret that too. Cause I did dad.