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Ambulocetus

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  1. Ambulocetus

    Grocery Store

    By Ambulocetus,

    Okay, just to keep everyone clear, leaving your basket of groceries on the floor in the checkout line while you go finish shopping does not reserve your place in line. Those are just abandoned groceries.

    If you think I'm going to stand behind your stuff with my heavy basket while you wander the aisles for last-minute impulse buys, forget it. In fact, since I'm pretty sure salvage laws apply in this case, I'm much more likely to scan through your basket to see if there's anything in there I might like.

    So, here's how it works.
    1. Walk through the store and put the stuff you want in the basket.
    2. Go get in line with your stuff, wait with your stuff, and pay for your stuff like everybody else.
    3. Go home.

    Oh, and when you DO finally return to your basket with your armload of bread, soup mix, bulk nuts and magazines, all your indignant passive-aggressive sighing and nose-breathing just supports my decision to take your box of Carr's water crackers. I'm having some now, and they are delicious.
  2. Ambulocetus
    The best thing - and probably the only good thing - about reaching the year 2010 is that we can finally stop saying "two thousand" every time we talk about the year.

    It is, then, both surprising and aggravating to hear people saying the Olympics are coming in "two thousand and ten," and referring to the movie 2012 as "two thousand and twelve." It's "twenty ten" and "twenty twelve."

    When people ask you when the Canucks made their last appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals, do you say "one thousand nine hundred and ninety-four?" No, because that would be stupid.

    When people ask you what was the year of confederation, do you say "one thousand eight hundred and sixty-seven?" No, because you didn't pay attention in school and you have no idea. But if you did know, you'd just say "eighteen sixty-seven."

    So, to recap:
    Two thousand = difficult, awkward, pointless and stupid
    Twenty = easy, tidy, sensible, and smart

    Thanks.

    And to those who complain that I never talk about hockey, this is very much a hockey issue, as I expect Daniel Sedin to set the example and lead the way in this.
  3. Ambulocetus
    No matter what your opinion of wars, who initiates them and what purpose they serve, the Remembrance Day thread is not the place to voice those opinions. If you want to go on about that very valid topic, start your own thread.

    In the Remembrance Day thread, you take your hat off, shut up for a couple minutes and respectfully reflect on the sacrifice of Canadian (and all) soldiers whose lives ebbed away in the mud of some land hundreds or thousands of miles away from home. If you can't bring yourself to do that, just go away.
  4. Ambulocetus
    I checked the box that allows RSS to syndicate my blog, so it's only a matter of time until I'm internet famous. Then there'll be the interviews, the job offers, the paparazzi, and the statue of me riding a horse with all four feet in the air.

    We'll probably want to seize the moment when I burst onto the scene to maket my autobiography, so I'd better get going on that. I suppose movie rights will be the next step. They'll probably ask me who I want to play me in the movie. When I took that "What Movie Star's Face Does Your Face Resemble?" quiz on that What Movie Star's Face Does Your Face Resemble website, the closest match was Penelope Cruz. That'd be a little too Myra Breckinridge, though. I'll accept your suggestions for that.

    Anyway, the point of all of this is when I give my award acceptance speech (for whatever awards they give me), I plan to name a few of you by name. Please govern yourselves accordingly.
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