Funny Translink Comments

[My Account]

I started taking the bus again and I am reminded of this hilarious post I saw on HFboards

*I didn't write this I wish I did I am just posting this for people who take translink to enjoy*

Somebody called ProstheticConscience wrote this in this thread: http://hfboards.hock...light=translink

Also, if you're not renting a car and will be riding the buses and skytrain to get around, here's a few helpful hints to ensure you blend in as a local:

• Display no familiarity with the destination or fares. Under no circumstances should you look up a route on translink's website. Stare vacantly at transit maps, especially when other people are behind you.

• Everyone want to hear your conversation all the time. Especially if you're on a cellphone. It's loud on the bus; raise your voice! Don't be shy, we all want to know the status of Aunt Lily's hysterectomy!

• Remember, that seat isn't good enough for you. Or anyone else. Upon encountering an empty seat, you must stand in front of it instead of sitting down. Everyone in Vancouver has a desk job that involves no actual physical work, so we all like to stand as much as possible. Your mission is to guard that seat if it's empty, so on no account should you move out of the way and let anyone else sit in it unless you see missing limbs.

• The back of the bus is a scary, scary place. No matter how many people are trying to cram on in the front, you must walk to the back door, cast a terrified look at the back, then stand in front of the door so nobody can get past you to the empty seats at the back. Those aren't people sitting back there; they're scary monsters who will eat you the second your body climbs up the two steps to the back. It is your sacred duty to protect your fellow bus riders from their horror; ignore any attempts people might make to brush past you to get to the back. Remember, you're doing them a favour.

• The above works especially well with a backpack. On no account should you remove a backpack and put it on the ground. You are exposing people to horrible things if you do. We want to know what your backpack feels like being the outdoorsy folks we are, so keep it on and turn around abruptly as much as possible.

• We also want to know what your taste in music is. Crank any iPods up to full volume. If you walk onto a bus or skytrain and hear anyone else's iPod, this means a challenge has been issued. Both of you must turn your music up as high as it will go, and the winner gets the most frowns and exasperated looks.

• Read the paper. Preferably the Sun. It's the full-sized daily, so there's no way to read it without assaulting the person next to you. We all love that.

• If you ignore my advice and decide to go through the downtown eastside, you'll not only need to look like a local but smell like one too. Mix equal parts goat urine, hydroponic marijuana, and the cheapest rum you can find and roll around in it for a few minutes before boarding.

• Vancouver transit functions on Solipism; the philosophical view that your consciousness is the only thing that truly exists and everything else is a product of your imagination. When a skytrain door opens, do not wait for anyone to get off the train before attempting to enter the car yourself. Those people trying to get off the train around you don't really exist. If you're an Asian woman under 5'5" and over 50, you have the civic right to shove onto any train that comes along with your elbows out like you're in the mosh pit at a Ministry concert. It's in the bylaws or something.

• Remember, the door it where it's at. It's the best place to stand no matter what. Not the middle of the aisle where people can get by you.

• At many skytrain stations, you'll see people waving copies of the Metro and 24 at you. It's Vancouver's official free toilet paper. Don't mind the ink, no one else does.

[etsen3]

The one about the standing in front of an empty seat stood out to me, one of my pet peeves. If you don't want to appear "selfish" by taking the seat, move over so someone else can use it. Or just take the seat, no one really cares.

[Where's Wellwood]

Also, if you're not renting a car and will be riding the buses and skytrain to get around, here's a few helpful hints to ensure you blend in as a local:

• Everyone want to hear your conversation all the time. Especially if you're on a cellphone. It's loud on the bus; raise your voice! Don't be shy, we all want to know the status of Aunt Lily's hysterectomy!

• Remember, that seat isn't good enough for you. Or anyone else. Upon encountering an empty seat, you must stand in front of it instead of sitting down. Everyone in Vancouver has a desk job that involves no actual physical work, so we all like to stand as much as possible. Your mission is to guard that seat if it's empty, so on no account should you move out of the way and let anyone else sit in it unless you see missing limbs.

• The back of the bus is a scary, scary place. No matter how many people are trying to cram on in the front, you must walk to the back door, cast a terrified look at the back, then stand in front of the door so nobody can get past you to the empty seats at the back. Those aren't people sitting back there; they're scary monsters who will eat you the second your body climbs up the two steps to the back. It is your sacred duty to protect your fellow bus riders from their horror; ignore any attempts people might make to brush past you to get to the back. Remember, you're doing them a favour.

• The above works especially well with a backpack. On no account should you remove a backpack and put it on the ground. You are exposing people to horrible things if you do. We want to know what your backpack feels like being the outdoorsy folks we are, so keep it on and turn around abruptly as much as possible.

• We also want to know what your taste in music is. Crank any iPods up to full volume. If you walk onto a bus or skytrain and hear anyone else's iPod, this means a challenge has been issued. Both of you must turn your music up as high as it will go, and the winner gets the most frowns and exasperated looks.

• If you ignore my advice and decide to go through the downtown eastside, you'll not only need to look like a local but smell like one too. Mix equal parts goat urine, hydroponic marijuana, and the cheapest rum you can find and roll around in it for a few minutes before boarding.

[:D]

I throw shoulders getting off the Skytrain on the regular. If you even think about coming on before everyone is off, you've earn it.

Call the cops, I DON'T GIVE A frack

[PlayStation]

Those people who cut straight to the front of the line once the bus comes... (95% of the time they are asians)

Or people who smoke right beside the line...