Armada Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 oh it was wondrous! we didn't meet The Stig's communist cousin though. but i suspect we will in season 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Haha never thought of that, so many great moments, one that comes to mind is when Hammond got pissed about his bike, and the challenge was almost, "The person with the pinkest bike, no it doesn't actually say that" and I loved the boys suits, so many great moments!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armada Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 and how about that woman who wanted to spray-paint everything in pink? :D i wonder how much Hammond actually ate during that ordeal/challenge...rice, cornflakes, beer - he was almost on a hunger strike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Oh my Hammond, does that everywhere he goes, and did you see how much beer they drank at that bar!!! And then Clarkson just had to have more Snake Blood Vodka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Brannigan Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I have to say, that when these guys do a special, it really is special... all out, no expense spared. Wonderful episode, absolutely hilarious (too many things to mention). Every time Top Gear goes on a break (even for a few weeks), I really miss it. It always gives me lots of laughs and enjoyment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 part of me enjoys the break...capping and quoting each episode takes quite a bit of time for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Brannigan Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 part of me enjoys the break...capping and quoting each episode takes quite a bit of time for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
triangulate Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 more real tests less old men driving ferraris! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well if you put that much work after an episode then yes, I can understand why you would like the breaks lol. On the other hand, I'm selfish and watch the episodes for my own enjoyment. I don't spread the fun around like you do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Clarkson: i honestly believed that at some point on our long and torturous route, one of us would be killed. probably wouldn't be Hammond though, because unlike us two, he at least could get a helmet which fitted. still too small! everything just fits for him. how annoying. Clarkson: the reason i don't ride a motorcycle is because i have a large brain. the reason why crash helmets are small is because the people who wear them haven't got a brain. otherwise they'd have a car. May: since we were due to set off the following morning, Jeremy and I had to get helmets made in a backstreet metal shop. Clarkson: nom bau hem...da nom bau hem May: departure day, and immediately there was a problem. in the workshop the night before, my Vietnamese hadn't been as fluent as i'd thought.. facepalm Hammond: where did all those come from? Clarkson: i can't really turn my head so.. Hammond: right then, 3...2...1...we're off! May: i've had to ditch me wok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Hammond: whoa! wrong side of the road! Hammond: that was a dog, how does that work? aussie girl: do you know how to start it? Clarkson: no. girl: alright, get on. Clarkson: well some Vietnamese people came and they just trod on it and it started. girl: 1 neutral, 2-3-4. there you go. you're getting it. Clarkson: it's only been an hour and i've done..three feet. girl: more acceleration..crap, he's gonna die. Clarkson: a passing banker had sold me his helmet which meant that i was now completely safe. Lean into it! Clarkson: this is terrifying, just bikes everywhere. there's one stalled in front of me. this is the only motorbike i'd ever had, and it was undrivable. eventually though, i caught up with Barry Sheen and his boyfriend. Clarkson: you look at this and you think, what noise did this make when it was alive. did it go moooo, or did it go tweet-tweet-tweet, or did it go neeeeigh. i think it went ruff-ruff! but it's delicious. May: well, um, i think this thing here is a sort of squid thing...and some weird paste. Hammond: don't like squid. May: okay, well you can have crab. Hammond: don't like crab. May: razor clams. Hammond: don't like clams. Hammond: these bikes are quite a common sight all over the world. and in certain places, they're usually seen with members of the Taliban on them carrying AK-47's. and rocket launchers. May: this is the wheels of Asia. over 60 million of these sold. so if you combine the Beetle, the Model T, all the versions of the Toyota Corolla and the Mini, you still haven't got as many as you have of these. Clarkson: and here we are again. it's a lovely evening in south-east Asia, as you can see. and i've been enjoying it in any means of transport apart from the motorbike. if somebody said to me, "would you like to hop to Hanoi?" yes i would. Clarkson: i'm riding along with the headlight illuminating nothing but my own face. Hammond: where is he you reckon? do you think he's enjoying his first biking experience? Clarkson (shouting while riding up a street): i am the most miserable human being alive! where is this restaurant!? where is it!? May: i quite like it here. i like how the roof's been made; the sticks have been joined together. Hammond: do you want a beer? i've drunk all of them Clarkson: i got revenge by ordering set menu B. you haven't eaten anything since you've got here have you? May: he had some cornflakes Hammond: i was trying..just in case they were different. 'cause i like to try local cultures and flavours and they may have been different cornflakes. but i've been eating a squid..soup..clam..bamboo shoot arrangement. i don't like snake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Argh snake! a snake! ohhh, it's a snake! Clarkson: if i told you it's chicken. could i have that medium-rare? Hammond: what, a medium-rare snake? Clarkson: Richard didn't go for the snake salad, or snake soup. and he really didn't go for the still-beating snake heart. May: do you want vodka with snake blood, or vodka with snake bile? Clarkson + May: 3,2,1, go May: woo.. Clarkson: james and i liked the snake vodka. in fact we liked it so much that we may have made mischief of Hammond's helmet. Hammond: why...did you do this? May: well we just wanted to make sure it was strong enough Clarkson: we were worried about you, we were paralytically worried. May: i was blind worried. Clarkson: he was so worried on a couple of occasions he fell over with worry. Hammond: how did you do it? Clarkson: we tested it by putting it under the wheels of a lorry and look what happened. don't worry though, 'cause we've just been out in town and we bought you another one! May: now don't take this the wrong way because colours assume different significance in different cultures Hammond: stop talking. May: in Britain, we think of that as a feminine colour. Hammond: stop moving your face about with noises coming out like that. May: here, it's the colour of warriors. Clarkson: name an upside to this May, name one upside! May: well you're not hot any more, are you? Clarkson: why has my life gone so wrong!? May: it's good for you. <singing>I'll take you anywhere you want to go on my Honda tonight Clarkson: i hate you! May (still singing): First gear...it's alright. Second gear...I lean right. Third gear....hang on tight Clarkson: all i could hope for was that Captain Beach Boy would have a disaster on these awful flooded roads. May: gallus domesticus! this is a massive 'oh gallus domesticus'. how can it have run out? that rain makes a really annoying noise on my collander helmet. and it comes through. May: this man has stopped on his old Russian motorcycle and i think he's going to give me some petrol. what a nice man! in fact i think i'll pay him. me Dong's going to be all soggy isn't it. Clarkson: the producers have got fed up with us just replacing parts willy-nilly on our bikes. May: you two, you mean Clarkson: they say that if our bikes go wrong again, and we can't just keep them going with tools, they've provided backup transport. May: excellent Clarkson: excellent turned out to be the wrong word. Hammond: that's thunder, and that's the village. have you noticed it was a rumble of thunder and the village arrived. Clarkson: children, if you're watching this at home and you don't know why this is inappropriate, ask your parents. this is about an inappropriate a bike as humanly possible to conceive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Heads in the clouds lightning lights up the night sky. just as well for Clarkson Clarkson: it had been another hateful day. so i decided to cheer myself up by buying Richard Hammond a small present Hammond: why? Clarkson: well. because i thought it would look good in your hall in your new house. have you seen the detail on it? Hammond: i see what you've done. Clarkson: yah. if you had a car, you'd pop it on the back seat in the boot. Hammond: i see what you've done there now. Clarkson: after a day and a half of solid riding in this sweatbox, our clothes were so rank, we decided to get some more in the town of Hoi An. Vietnam's Savile Row. Clarkson to Hammond: buying off the peg in Vietnam is alright for you, but for the trousers.. Hammond: going to be an issue for you, possibly in other areas - the girth. Clarkson: this is cashmere? and how much is this? saleswoman: the price of the whole suit is $125 USD Clarkson: a cashmere suit for 70 pounds? Clarkson: linen not good, makes you look even fatter. Jonathan Ross would never wear linen for that reason because he's getting quite portly. May: don't really know what i'm doing here, because i'm not very fashion conscious Clarkson: your suit's ready, here it is. Clarkson: measuring my biceps now..tape measure's not long enough. May: if she leaves that tape measure under my armpit any longer it will rot. Clarkson: with our suits underway, i decided to get some tailor-made shoes as well. which turned out to be extremely good fun. a pity it's not actually floating on the water. that's all for tonight..i'll continue with the rest tomorrow a Happy Top Gear New Year to you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otherwise Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 If you watch at the end all the credits say "Francis Ford" and then just the persons last name. I liked Jeremy's mod suit, James' helmet/colander, how everything was "Hammond size" and how they all attempted to fix each-others presents on the train ride. I love when they do specials like this, and the africa one it makes me want to go there. It looks so beautiful. I can't wait for the next series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 If you watch at the end all the credits say "Francis Ford" and then just the persons last name. I liked Jeremy's mod suit, James' helmet/colander, how everything was "Hammond size" and how they all attempted to fix each-others presents on the train ride. I love when they do specials like this, and the africa one it makes me want to go there. It looks so beautiful. I can't wait for the next series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 Clarkson: toll booth. motorbikes go free. <Hammond crashes his Galleon into the metal sign, knocking it down> Clarkson: Hammond just hit the sign at the toll booth May: i know, and that bloke's furious. Clarkson: man alive! it keeps getting better! there are views in the world, and then there's that one. we go round the world but some of the stuff here...makes my hair all stand on end. Clarkson: that is very...striking Hammond: funnily enough that's the word i used. Clarkson: and i shall try to look after this, Hammond, a bit better than you're looking after the galleon i gave you. May: every time i change down, Darcey clouts me with her breasts. it's not a complaint, it's an observation. Clarkson: that image really is a metaphor for Vietnam. the mountains, the coastline, the big new engineering project, and the traditional fishing scene down here. and that soundtrack...it is a fabulous country, it really is. Clarkson: that night in the hotel, Hammond set about mending his treasured galleon. meanwhile, to pay him back for breaking it in the first place, i decided to redecorate his treasured bike. <to hotel chef>cin cao. you like? would you like to do some? chef: oh yeah. Clarkson: now look what's happened, the whole town has turned out to paint Richard Hammond's bike pink. James and I are doing everything possible to stop them. Nobody expects the Ceiling Fan! May: has she painted her own bike? Clarkson: no, it isn't hers. what's happened is, she's got hold of the pink paint and decided everything in the entire carpark is to be painted pink! Clarkson: it matches your helmet now. Hammond: yes, i have spotted that. Clarkson: anyway, we need a challenge, it will cheer him up. person with the pinkest bike wins, i bet you. <Hammond sulks> May: the person with the pinkest bike..no it doesn't actually say that. you're about to enter what was, north Vietnam. it's as well your papers are in order. you will therefore take a Vietnamese driving test. Clarkson: cheer up! this is going to be a doddle. it wasn't. first we had to take an oral driving test in Vietnamese. Exam moderator asks May to stand up and answer a question in Vietnamese May: <says nothing, shows 10 with his fingers> <exam moderator asks Hammond to stand up and answer a question> Hammond: <long pause>...always give way to the car from the right. Clarkson: you've a one in a hundred chance of being right there. <exam moderator asks Clarkson to stand up and answer a question> Clarkson: duat feh lie see kee..muay tum tuay Hammond: how the hell? what did you just do? Clarkson: it's 18, 18 years old. Hammond: how did you know? Clarkson: the age you're allowed to ride a motorbike. did you not bother learning before you got here? Hammond: well no Clarkson: you're screwed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 May: you have to ride in a figure of 8 and then you can go out and ride on Ho Chi Minh's highways Clarkson: so if you touch the white lines, you fail May: Barbara Cartland went first.. Hammond: he'll love this. he's all about precision and going slowly and being accurate. Clarkson: going the wrong way. Clarkson: i've only been riding a bike 5 days! happily, in Vietnam, if you fail you allowed to try again immediately. Clarkson: we can't just give in. Hammond: so what are you saying, we must try harder? Clarkson: no Hammond: we must find a new way of making our bikes faster? Clarkson: no Hammond: cheat? Clarkson: yes. we decided to take an overnight train to Ha Long city, which is something the Americans never thought to do. James bought the tickets and great news for license payers, they were for third class. May: that's like trying to unravel the mystery of the universe. made of string. Clarkson: argh! argh! why is that so hot? is that glue? why is it so hot? my suit! i've dropped hot glue on my suit! do you have anything to cure superglue burns through silk? i've got my hand in the front of my trousers, don't read anything into that. the Spotted Hamster in his unnatural environment Hammond: it's difficult really to explore the anagorical significances and layers of the painting when i'm sober. Clarkson: what you've done is you've painted a landrover in the middle of a Vietnamese scene. Hammond: what are these? May: chopsticks Hammond: but what are they representing? May: oars. it's a Chinese junk. May: where's her hand? Clarkson: i've completely lost it. Clarkson: but we were ahead of schedule so we went to have some breakfast. these are chicken innards. well actually it doesn't say chicken innards, it says internals. we've ordered pickled pig's ear, with vegetables dipped in season sauce spelled wrong. speak of the devil, the sparrows have arrived. wafer thin sparrow? Hammond: no i'm fine. Clarkson: but after 7 days, he had to eat something. good news! Richard Hammond is eating rice. it's rice krispies. Hammond: is it rice? Clarkson: yes Hammond: am i eating it with chopsticks? Clarkson: yes Hammond: then i am native and local as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 May: that's part of a shot-down B-52 that landed there, and they've never bothered to remove it. Hammond: Ha Long and Hanoi are two big cities, and i doubt they're connect by a three foot wide dusty path covered in hay. Clarkson: i think when we got to the 16th century i think we turned left when we should have gone right. now we're in the 13th century. i like being lost here. Hammond: yeah, this is a nice place to be lost kids in a village near Hanoi check out Hamster's Canon D-SLR Clarkson: i always said to my children, that if they buy a bike i will burn it. and if they replace it with another one, i shall burn that too. now however if they buy a bike, i will completely understand. and then i'll burn it. May: well you sort out your seat, headbutted me in the gentleman's region and snapped the prow off your galleon. you complete numpty Hammond! Nobody expects the groinal headbutt! Clarkson: i am now boldly going where no American has been before..<falls off his scooter>..so there we are, it's my first bike crash, i'm a member of the club now. Clarkson: you short-arse little Birmingham faddy stupid i've-never-been-abroad-and-i-don't-like-it-and-i'm-with-my-piano-playing-friend Clarkson: but look on the bright side, if it's possible here to get a helmet made overnight, it must be possible to get your bike converted into a jet ski overnight as well, it has to be. May: i'm sure they do it all the time. Clarkson: how hard can it be? Clarkson goes paddleboat, May goes native and Hammond goes...theme park ride. Clarkson: but then in true top gear amphibious tradition, it all went wrong for James. first, he crashed into me. then he crashed into some netting. then as Hammond and I got going, he sank. Hammond: we got desperate, and even resorted to looking in caves. you know when Attenborough travels the world and goes to incredible natural sites like this, he doesn't usually pitch up in a home-made amphibious scooter in a cloud of two-stroke smoke. Clarkson: if you've just tuned in to Britain's favourite car show, what's happened is, Richard and I have driven into a cave looking for a bar that isn't here, and we have no reverse gear. Hammond: after a 1000-point turn, Jeremy and I were out of the cave. Hammond: and so it seemed that the non-biker would get there first Clarkson: i've just been finding out about this place. the people who live here were born here, they live here, they fish here, and they die here. Hammond: they never go on dry land? they spend their whole lives floating Abandon ship! May hilariously falls arse-backwards into the water Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Devils Workday Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 crap, i forgot this one... Captain Pylon floats in to the bar with the statue still in his grasp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Brannigan Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 May: gallus domesticus! this is a massive 'oh gallus domesticus'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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