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Team CDC [league full - join waiting list]


Patrick Kane

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GM Dirty Qwerty is proud to present CDC's team, the Cleveland Steamers, lineup:

Ho Lee Shet (76) - Dickson Cider (82) - Kai Junior, A (82)

Lord Farquaad (83) - Eduardo el Mierdra (81) - Phil Geoff, C (81)

Jay Vrienzy (83) - Otis Redding (81) - Semyon Semin (81)

Byron Lee (80) - Suq Madiq (80) - Alexei Kovalchukski (81)

Extras: Danny Tanner (78), Georges Laraque (81)

Matt Sterbater (81) - Kai Lüngfish (80)

Jack Packig, A (80) - Montgomery Montador (81)

John Smith (80) - Olive Yew (81)

Extras: Rasmus Andersson (79), Kailer Myers (80)

Harry Cockburn (90)

Weiner Schnitzel (88)

Extras: JG St. Jacques (87), Will Dennis (74)

Team CDC will replace the Arizona Coyotes in the Pacific Division.

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I'll do the box scores like this for now. If you guys want me to do it a better way, let me know

Game 1: CBJ @ CDC

Period 1

No Goals

Period 2

1-0 CBJ -

G: R. Torres A: K. Huselius, C. Backman

1-1 CDC - G: Suq Madiq A: Byron Lee

2-1 CDC - G: Matt Sterbater A: Eduardo el Mierdra, Lord Farquaad

3-1 CDC - G: Dickson Cider A: Kai Junior, Olive Yew

Period 3

No Goals

Final Score:

CBJ (1-1-0) 1-3 CDC (1-0-0)

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Game 2: CDC @ ANA

Period 1:

1-0 CDC -

G: Jack Packig

2-0 CDC - G: Montgomery Montador A: Eduardo el Mierdra

Period 2:

3-0 CDC -

G: Otis Redding (PPG)

4-0 CDC - G: Phil Geoff A: Lord Farquaad, Jack Packig

4-1 ANA - G: Bobby Ryan A: Todd Marchent, Sean O'Donnell

5-1 CDC - G: Jack Packig (2) A: Eduardo el Mierdra (2)

6-1 CDC - G: Lord Farquaad A: Montgomery Montador, Eduardo el Mierdra (3)

Period 3:

6-2 ANA -

G: Samuel Pahlsson A: Chris Kunitz, Brendan Morrison

6-3 ANA G: Teemu Selanne A: Scott Niedermeyer, Ryan Getzlaf

6-4 ANA G: George Parros A: Rob Niedermayer

6-5 ANA G: Travis Moen A: George Parros

Final Score:

CDC (2-0-0) 6-5 ANA (0-3-0)

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9:00AM TUE JUNE 30 2015

Montgomery 'Monte' Montador has become the first Montenegrin player to make the National Hockey League, according to a Cleveland Steamers media release.

When asked to comment in a Cleveland media frenzy shortly following the publicizing, Montador was unable to verbalize a coherent response, opting instead to speak jovially in whatever language is native to Montenegro.

"Mwen pa konnen sa k ap pase," Montador was quoted as saying, "men mwen eksite."

The news comes unexpectedly following the failure of four other players to report to the team and a change in its ownership.

Montador's agent, John Doe, who is fluent in three languages (although not the one spoken by Montador), incurred most of the media's attention on Tuesday and answered questions on his client's behalf, acknowledging immediately Montador's fortune.

"Monte has never been one to shun adversity," said Doe, not elaborating but adding that "[difficult] situations are not foreign to him, but whenever he's given the chance to succeed he does just that." The rest of the conference invoked praises and cliches from him such as "He's a good kid" and "Obviously he just keeps on trucking."

Montador is considered to be a vicious enforcing defenseman without any especial aptitude for scoring and has been described by critics of his play as a "danger to his peers and the sanctity of the game." In 2009 he was banned from Montenegro's only bantam league following an incident which left three opposing players hospitalized for injuries comprising "lower body injuries," "upper body injuries," and "peculiar lacerations." His family moved to Zambia shortly after to allow him to continue his hockey career.

Doe did not comment on these criticisms, although he continually reinforced his client's good character and commented thrice on his "gnarly first pass."

Montador is a project player who will need to work on his shot if he hopes to have an impactful NHL career.

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Coach, put in Kailer Myers

Report:

While the Cleveland Steamers have started off the season hot, the coach of CDC's team, Saniel Dedin, has decided to switch out his bottom pairing of Olive Yew and Englishman John Smith, citing chemistry issues. "A hee o a oho a yes a while our top twos pairing have good chemistrys, a yes hee hee our the last pairs is no showing much a yes. A maybes new pairing will dos oho. A fews game, a yes?"

This would mean defensemen Rasmus Andersson and Kailer Myers (brother of NHL veteran Tyler) get a look on the bottom pairing to see if they can upgrade their team's play to an even better level.

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Report:

While the Cleveland Steamers have started off the season hot, the coach of CDC's team, Saniel Dedin, has decided to switch out his bottom pairing of Olive Yew and Englishman John Smith, citing chemistry issues. "A hee o a oho a yes a while our top twos pairing have good chemistrys, a yes hee hee our the last pairs is no showing much a yes. A maybes new pairing will dos oho. A fews game, a yes?"

This would mean defensemen Rasmus Andersson and Kailer Myers (brother of NHL veteran Tyler) get a look on the bottom pairing to see if they can upgrade their team's play to an even better level.

Olive got an assist TBH.

But it's clearly the coach's fault for putting him on RD, when he specified that he's a LD exclusively. Should have put the more mobile guy (me) on RD.

Coach benches us for his own mistake :sadno:

Or maybe he benched me for being an Englishman. Which I'm not btw. Since you guys are my teammates, I guess I can tell you that I'm actually a Time Lord from Gallifrey, and John Smith is just the name I use when I pretend to be human. You can call me "The Doctor"

But don't tell anyone. This is top secret information!

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Olive got an assist TBH.

But it's clearly the coach's fault for putting him on RD, when he specified that he's a LD exclusively. Should have put the more mobile guy (me) on RD.

Coach benches us for his own mistake :sadno:

Or maybe he benched me for being an Englishman. Which I'm not btw. Since you guys are my teammates, I guess I can tell you that I'm actually a Time Lord from Gallifrey, and John Smith is just the name I use when I pretend to be human. You can call me "The Doctor"

But don't tell anyone. This is top secret information!

That explains a lot :P Btw, I made your play-by-play name is "Doc" when I was creating all the players.

I'll play the other two for a couple games and see what happens. NHL 09, the game I'm using, has team chemistry, and the bottom line has 0 while the other two have maximum chemistry. I'll be juggling the lines about a bit, as there're also two forwards that aren't playing right now.

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After a surprising start to his career, Eduardo el Mierdra has gone to prove the haters wrong, managing 1 assist in his first game, and 3 in the next, playing alongside Lord Farquaad and Phil Geoff. To many, this proved to be quite surprising, so we managed to snag an interview with Eduardo himself to ask him about his surprising start.

"So Eduardo, how does it feel to be the leading scorer on the team?"

"Pretty f'king awesome hombre, except I'm sure that if I had the first line spot, unlike that garbage Dickson Cider, I would produce many more points than that, si si si."

"Surprising to hear that, especially since you had very low expectations coming into the season."

"Hey, shut the f*ck up, sh*t face."

"What do you think of the choice of captains for the team?"

"I hate it. Eduardo deserves captaincy, Phil Geoff sucks."

And that was all we had time for, since Eduardo ended up punching me in the face in the middle of the interview.

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Coach Dedin has decided to postpone line changes for another game.

Game 3: CDC @ CHI

Period 1

1-0 CDC G Jay Vrienzy A Olive Yew

2-0 CDC G Alexei Kovalchukski A Jack Packig

3-0 CDC G Byron Lee A Alexei Kovalchukski, Harry Cockburn

Period 2

No Goals

Period 3

4-0 CDC

G Otis Redding A Olive Yew, John Smith

4-1 CHI G Tim Brent A Craig Adams, Brian Campbell

5-1 CDC G Eduardo el Mierdra

Final Score:

CDC (3-0-0) 5-1 CHI (3-1-0)

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Cmon everyone, lets keep this alive and well.

"Congratulations on your first goal Eduardo, how does it feel to finally get it off your chest?"

"Feels great hombre, I had to punch my teammates until they passed me the puck though, those butt wipes."

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