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My Prediction for the 2013-14 Season.


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(These predictions are ignoring OT losses. A loss is a loss)

First Half:

The Canucks will be off to their usual slow start. The players will still be adjusting to Tortorella's system and the addition of the newer players (Richardson, Weber, Santorelli etc). They'll be under .500 the first 30 games in and everyone will be very upset with the results.

Prediction 13-17 record

The next 11 games the Canucks will start to turn it around, losing only 3 of 11. Youngsters like Schroeder and Jensen will adjust and start to put some points up.

Prediction 21-20

Second Half:

The Canucks will do fairly respectable during the next 10 games, going 7 of 10.

Prediction 28 - 23

For the next 20 games, the Canucks will slump... and they will slump BIG time. They will go under .500 in the 20 games and end up winning only 7 of 20

Prediction 35 - 36

For the final 11 games, the Canucks will try to push to make the playoffs, going 7 wins out of their last 11

Prediction 42- 40 final record (Wins-Losses)

Out of this, I would predict 10 of the losses to be OT losses, leaving their final record as

42- 30- 10, leaving them with 94 points... just squeaking into the playoffs.

Why do I make this prediction? I made it on the fact that I think the division the Canucks are in now will be much tougher than it is now, with the likes of Anaheim, San Jose and LA.

West Teams that I feel will make the playoffs. (No specific seeding):

St Louis (They will improve big time with the additions of Roy and Lapierre and great coaching of Hitchcock)

Points: 111


Chicago (They will continue their dominance and have no problem cruising into the playoffs again)

Points: 106


Phoenix (With the addition of Mike Ribeiro, Phoenix will finally learn how to score goals and EL will have a breakout season, letting them make the playoffs)

Points: 102


Anaheim (They lost Ryan but Silfverberg will have a breakout year as well, re uniting the dominant "Ryan Getzlaf Perry" line.

Points: 101


Columbus (They will surprise to say the least... Gaborik will come up big and lead their team in scoring while Bobrovsky provides elite goaltending, launching them into the playoffs)

Points: 97


Los Angeles (They will be pretty much the same team they are now but a little worse over losing a key defenceman in Scuderi and a nice bottom 6 and top 6 forward in Richardson and Penner)

Points: 96


Vancouver (As highlighted a little above, the Canucks will struggle in their new divison but ultimately barely make the playoffs. Tortorella will not be a very good regular season coach for the Canucks as the season will drag on and the players will be exhausted.)

Points: 94


Minnesota (Parise and Suter will exceed expectations but the same problems will still exist with the wild, making them just barely get into the playoffs)

Points: 94


The Canucks will end up matching up against Chicago AGAIN for an epic 1st round rematch from 2011. The Canucks will be going in as huge underdogs against Chicago, where every analyst will predict without a second thought that Chicago will easily take the series.

Game 1: The Mad House will be buzzing. The fans are hyped for the Hawks' chance to defend the cup with an amazing regular season showing, finishing second in the west. The Hawks come out strong, peppering Luongo with chances after chances, eventually blowing out the Canucks 8-3 on home ice, making people even more doubtful of a Canucks series win.

Game 2: The Canucks will be going into this game down 0-1 on the road with nothing to lose. The Hawks strike first, with a 1-0 goal from a turnover infront of the net by Edler. Kesler decides he's had enough listening to Chelsea Dagger and turns into BEAST MODE. Kesler takes the game over ala Nashville 2011. He's all over the ice doing all he can to ensure a Canucks' victory. He's blocking shots, generating chances, and hitting the Hawks HARD. The Canucks pull away with the win from the efforts of Kesler and "Torts Style" shotblocking, frustrating the Hawks that can't get a puck through the bodies infront of Luongo. The Canucks win 3-1.

Game 3: The Canucks are now back on home ice infront of a hyped up Rogers Arena. The underdog Vancouver Canucks just beat the defending Stanley Cup champs on their home ice..

The Canucks will come out strong with all the momentum. Chance after chance, shot after shot, but they won't be able to solve Crawford, who'll steal this game for the Hawks, shutting out the Canucks 2-0.

Game 4: The Canucks will be pissed off. They will want to bring it to the Hawks this game. Duncan Keith will throw another cheap shot as the series is hyping up on Alex Burrows. Burrows will have to leave the game injured. The Canucks see this and retaliate the next whistle, with Richardson crushing Keith on a clean open ice hint as he's rushing the puck up ice. Keith will have to also leave the game injured, with everyone in Canucks nation having a vengeful smile. After Keith is injured, the game turns into a complete brawl fest.. reigniting the rivalry between the two. The Canucks eventually win a close game 4-3 against the Hawks.

Game 5: The series is now back in Chicago. The rivalry has really heated up between the two but the Canucks under Tortorella finally have the balls to stand up for themselves. The Sedins no longer get pushed around... Daniel and Henrik tag team Bollig and give him the old "Bollig Sandwich" making the Hawks not want to start crap with the Sedins anymore. With the Canucks' increased retaliation and don't take crap attitude, they take this game man handling the Hawks and getting revenge for Burrows, blowing out the Hawks 7-2.

Game 6: The Canucks are now up 3-2 in the series going back to Rogers Arena. The Canucks dress Sestito for the heightened physicality in the series. The Canucks start out strong and get the early lead, but the Hawks storm back and put up 2, making the score 2-1 Hawks going into the third. 19 minutes into the third, the Canucks are given a penalty for "trash talking" from Sestito and Tortorella. Canucks nation is outraged, making throwing your remote a regular thing in Vancity. The Hawks have the Canucks hemmed in their own zone, when all of a sudden, a hero emerges. Jannik Hansen gets a lucky bounce off a bad pass and with 5 seconds left, scores on a break away, tying the game at 2.

Now for OT. The Canucks are going into OT down a man but they kill off 50 seconds of it. All of a sudden with 10 seconds left of PP, the Hawks get a 2 on 1. Patrick Sharp and Andrew Shaw with Bieksa as the lone defender. Before Sharp can pass across, JUICE lays a huge hit on Sharp, crushing him down to the ice and Luongo making the save. Luongo quickly passes the puck to Hamhuis. Hamhuis looks up ice and spots none other than Sestito coming out of the penalty box! Hamhuis sauces the puck to Sestito who then dumps the puck in and chases. Sestito lays a huge hit on Seabrook behind the Hawks net and sends the puck back to Bieksa on the point. Sestito gets infront of the net and all of a sudden, Bieksa throws the puck on net. The puck bounces off Toews skateblade, deflects off Kane's stick, and hits Sestito in the ass where it deflects the puck into the goal. "TOM SESTITO!!!! HE'S DONE IT!! HE'S ASSTUALLY DONE IT! CANUCKS NATION REJOICE. YOUR GOON JUST SCORED THE BIGGEST GOAL YOU'LL EVER SEE. "

Sestito does his classic troll celly ala Yakupov and becomes the new Vancouver golden boy everyone worships in Canuck nation...

The end of Round 1....

Round 2 Coming soon to a thread near you....

(P.S I'm high)

Round 2:

The Kings dove their way past the Phoenix Coyotes in the 1st round, getting key calls from mother ???? like Sutherland and O'halloran. Dustin Brown did his typical whining to the refs and falling over imaginary sticks to get important calls while the refs acted like the were listening to Puff the Magic Dragon not giving a crap what's going on with the game

Game 1: the Canucks have to start the series in the LA Rink with the fat ass Cartman shouting "Go Kings Go" and watching images of the Greenmen getting runover by zambonis... not a fun time. At the starting faceoff Dustin "Gold Medal in Diving" Brown does a barrel roll acting like he's been pushed over by a Sedin twin and starts to cry like a little girl quivering on the ice. Kelly "Canuck Hater" Sutherland sees this and gives big bad Henrik a game Misconduct and wipes Browns tears with his Zebra shirt collar. The game progresses and the Kings are diving all over the place, 10x more than San Jose in 2013. With 2 minutes left in the 3rd and the game tied 0-0, the Canucks finally get a powerplay after Torts threatens the ref with humiliating him on live TV causing the mother fracker Sutherland to cave and finally give the Canucks a PP after 5 straight to the Kings. With 6.9 seconds left in the 3rd, Bieksa rips a shot wide of the net, hitting Sutherland in the balls. Sutherland's balls get hit so hard, he has to leave the game and have Auger, who's sitting in the stands, come out of retirement and take over for him. As soon as Auger gets on the ice, he gives the newly returned Burrows an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for no reason, causing Burrows to shout " HOW CAN WE WIN DA TURD WHEN DIS MOTHER FRACKER REFFING." Burrows is now in the box and its 4 on 4. The faceoff is in the Canucks' zone and Kesler gets the puck back to Luongo who stands up, dekes all of the Kings and fires the puck from center ice, beating a unexpecting Quick. Luongo then shouts "Not Quick enough, quicky!" and the Canucks win the game 1-0.

Game 2: Canucks are up 1-0 from the first game against the Kings and the game starts again with the Kings diving all over the place. The game progresses and the Canucks are up 2-1 but a dive and whine afterwards from Doughty causes the refs to give the Canucks a penalty. The Kings tie it up from a Kopitar one one timer and now the game is tied going into OT.

OT: Torts sets up a game plan with the Canucks to beat these -insert expletive Grabovski style here- Kings. The play is pretty even, not a lot of chances but all of a sudden, you hear a shout from the Canucks end of the ice. "Luongo" takes off his mask but it's not really Luongo! It's Russ Tyler from the Mighty Ducks! Russ Shouts "It's Knuckle Puck TIME!" and the Kings clear out of the way cowering like little babies. Kes throws Russ his stick and Russ skates to the Kings zone while they're still quivering on the ground and rips a shot, blasting the puck through the twine of the net hitting Botchford who's enjoying a nice playoff game to see the Canucks lose so he can make an obnoxious article on their failures right in the face, breaking his nose and other things. After the goal is scored, DJ Dave breaks into the LA Kings DJ room and knocks the annoying guy who plays Cartman crap out, putting on we are the Champions followed by his mandatory Techno girly song afterwards.

Game 3: The Canucks go back to Rogers arena infront of a hyped up crowd. During the pre game warm ups, a first nations Chief is painting warpaint on the Canucks' faces and putting goat's blood instead of water in their water bottles. The Canucks, like the absolute beasts they are, devour the goats blood, leaving the Kings scared crapless, barely able to shoot the puck in warmup. The game starts and the Sedins both drop their gloves and shout in high pitched Swedish death chants like crazy rabid animals towards Brown and Kopitar, leaving them running for the dressing room, causing the Queens to forfeit game 3.

Game 4: The Kings express in interviews prior to game 4 that they won't go up against savages like the Vancouver Canucks and that they are too afraid to play the "Ginger Devils" fearing for their lives. The Kings' star players who are too afraid to face the Canucks sit home on their big screen TV's in LA and watch the game, sucking their thumbs. Dean Lombardi is pissed off that his players refuse to play the Canucks and goes out and signs Sean Avery, Chris Simon and Jesse Boulerice.

The game starts with Sean Avery, Simon and Boulerice trying to cheap shot various players from the Canucks but the Canucks are too quick and easily evade them, putting up 5 goals. All of a sudden, in the 3rd period with 1 minute left, Boulerice decides to take another run at Kesler. Kesler sees this and closelines Boulerice who trips to the ground and almost knocks himself out. Kesler does the old Hulk Hogan "Listen to the Crowd" and begins to do the "People's Elbow" on Boulerice. Kesler uses the boards as the ring and skates back once... jumps over.. over him again and drives his elbow right into Boulerice's chest. The Canucks win the game with "Electrifying" (The Rock's theme song) Playing in the background. The Canucks sweep the LA Queens.

End of round 2

Round 3 coming to a thread near you

(Ps I'm high again)

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I just saw the schedule for the up coming season .... ouch .. That is a brutal start for our team .. on the road , facing good teams .. I hope Im wrong , but I think it may be a looooong year ... lets hope torts has em fired up , and I have to eat my words

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A good team is likely going to miss the playoffs in our conference. Anaheim, San Jose, Los Angeles, Phoenix, and Vancouver. Unless a wild card is received by one of these teams, two good teams will miss the playoffs...

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You need to read up on new format.

Columbus is in the Metro Division (East Conference).

Pheonix Would be the Pacific Divison Champ and therefore would play the better wild card team which would be the Canucks.

You're seeding should look like:


1. Pheonix vs 4. Vancouver (Wild card)

2. Anahiem vs 3. LA


1. St.Louis vs 4. Minnesota (Wild Card)

2. Chicago vs. 3. "Team that placed 3rd in Central Division"

St.Louis and Pheonix are you're 2 Division Champs and therefore play the 2 wild cards with St.Louis facing the weaker Wild Card because they have more points.

The winner of the first round series faces the other winner in their division in the 2nd round. The 3rd round will then be left with 4 teams ( 1 team from each Division) where the 2 Divisional Champs of each Conference will face each other in the Conference Finals before playing for the Cup.

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