Captain Aerosex

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  1. Welcome to...50 Shades of Mafia. The first ever Mafia game based off of E. L. James' popular erotic romance novel. To prepare myself to host such a emotionally charged and sexually tense theme of game, I had to expand my mind (and other parts of my body)...and watch the movie. After being publicly humiliated and kicked out of the movie theatre for bringing in what was called a 'gross amount of napkins' (some people just take sick pleasure in taunting a sensitive guy like myself I guess), I learned that there was another option: reading the book! This would prove intensely difficult, because I didn't know what a book was. Hours of research on the internet enlightened me that there are in fact shops known as 'book-stores' where they collect words that could just be on the internet instead, and print them on paper, and then sell these tomes to people! Baffling, I know. Anyways, not wishing to pay for said 'book' I locked myself into the store bathroom and attempted to speed read the entire novel. After about 10 minutes, the storeowners began knocking on the door and told me a customer saw me come into the bathroom with this book and the noise from inside (of the pages rhythmically turning over I assume) was disturbing them. If I didn't leave, the door would be broken down. But the deed was already done. I had read enough for me to come... the conclusion that the book was terrible! It's awful! I cleaned myself up with the pages and left it in the toilet and walked home disheartened. What was I going to do? I couldn't return to my mafia mamigos without a game! But equally, I couldn't make them play something that was such an abomination to humanity. I had desired to bring a game based off of art, not smut. With a heavy sigh, I put my headphones on and hit shuffle. And then it hit me. The artistry needed for my game. Blasting directly to my brain was the answer... Welcome to... *****¡YEEZUS!***** YOU'RE WELCOME. The first ever Mafia game based off of the life, personality, discography, and body odour of Kanye Omari West, greatest rapper ever and voice of our generation (whether you like it or not!) You may notice that the name of the game isn't Mafia: Yeezus. Good point, fellow Yeezian. That is because Kanye has CHANGED the game, and the game is in fact KANYE. So really, it's not a game anymore. It's a religion. Though MR may have already been down and back up that path several times already... ...BUT ANYHOO, let's get down to the basics of the game. Roles and rules and all the goodies are below, asssss per usual. And for anybody who was genuinely excited about a 50 Shades of Grey game, sorry. Couldn't do it. Credit to Master Radishes and other notable hosts for the "Introduction", "History on CDC" and "Roles" blurbs. Introduction ¡Yeezus! is a game of strategy, trust, intuition, risk, and luck. It is a game between two factions battling to the death for victory. Everyone is either Kanye or a Hater. The Haters know each other's identities, and work together in a group once a night, they select a Kanye to kill. The Kanyes do not know each other's identities, but must debate during the day who might be the Haters among them, and then vote for someone to lynch. They must root out the Haters through any information they can gather. There are often special roles that can assist the Kanyes, such as a Sheriff, a Doctor, etc. The winning group is the group left standing when all other members of the opposition have been eliminated. History on CDC Krazz introduced the game of ¡Yeezus! on White Noise way back in 2008. Games were run in sequence for quite some time, during the initial heyday of ¡Yeezus! on CDC. But eventually the games died off as interest waned. Fortunately, over time, Krazz and others (notably T-rex930) have re-booted ¡Yeezus! several times, allowing players old and new alike to experience the game again and again. Gameplay Rules Nightfalls will be at 10:00 PM PT. I will publicly disclaim and privately distribute the roles in the game once sign-ups are over. Enjoy ¡Yeezus! Here are the players involved in this game: 1. FramingDragon 2. John Locke 3. g_bassi13 4. Time Lord 5. In4TheCup 6. Virtanen87 7. Vrienzy 8. HashtagNucks 9. Mikeyboy44 10. Big Mike 11. otherwise 12. Go Faulk Yourself 13. Dral 14. ilduce69 15. Rick Grimes 16. Peaches 17. VICanucksfan5551 18. Apples 19. Kakanucks 20. Denguin 21. One one two 22. Intoewsables 23. mau5trap 24. Buddhas Hand 25. King Heffy 26. Master Radishes 27. Matthew Barzal 28. Zftech SIGN-UPS ARE CLOSED Here are the roles for this game: Kanye Specials Jay-Z (Sheriff) One of Kanyes lifelong friends, Jay-Z stands next to him in his battle against Hating. As the Big Papi on the block, Jay-Z has taken on the role of Sheriff. Once every round, the HOVA has the ability to investigate a person of his choosing to see whether that person is Hating or not. Gone soft in your old age Jaysnitching and crap. Beyoncé (Doctor) Jay-Zs better half. Beyoncé is loved around the world for her beauty and talent and warm heart. Her and Kanye go way back, and so she has decided to help him in his battle against Hating. However, she has put the days of Sasha Fierce behind her, and now only wishes to help by helping others. She has the ability to save one person of her choosing each round (she only has 2 self-saves) from death. Though she can stop kill attempts, she cannot stop lynches or kill stacks (if the chosen person is targeted by 2 separate kill attempts simultaneously). Her and Jay-Z would be in touch, but ever since her sister wailed on him in an elevator because Jay-Z cheated on her, they've been on the outs. Maybe they'll make up this game. Kim Kardashian (Vigilante) Kanyes woman. The love of his life. His loyal steed. Kim and her gigantic tush are standing by her man in the face of all these haters. Despite public opinion which she herself has construed with her show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim is a ruthless killer. She went too far with all the surgeries, and is now less human than she is plastic. All she cares about is money and fame, and she cannot have anybody tear down her husbands image, no matter what it takes. Kim K has the ability to kill one person of her choosing each round. 2009 MTV VMAs Kanye (Roleblocker) 2009 MTV VMAs Kanye has the ability to interruptreally obnoxiously. Even when a pretty blonde girl is accepting an award on an internationally televised broadcast, hell jump on stage and grab the fuh outta that microphone. Though 2009 MTV VMAs Kanye is obviously a Kanye, he was a different person back then and is thus, not aware hes a Kanye (at the beginning of the game, he is only informed that he is a Roleblocker) though he is in fact aligned with the Kanyes. Every even-numbered round, 2009 MTV VMAs Kanye has the ability to block a chosen persons actions (investigations, kills, saves, blocks, commands), but cannot block actions against himself. IF he happens to block Taylor Swift, he will be put in contact with one of the special Kanyes (in order of prioirity: Vigilante, Sheriff, Doctor). The Haters George W. Bush (Hater Kingpin) One of the greatest and most powerful Haters of all-time. Not only he is a hater of Kanye West, but he in fact does not care about any black people (the race of Kanye). He has the power to investigate a Kanye every odd-numbered round to find out if that Kanye has any special powers (ex. Sheriff, Vigilante, Doctor). Because he was once President of the United States of America, people dont consider him to be a Hater, even under investigation for war crimes. "I'm not a hater," Bush said. "I don't hate Kanye West. I was talking about an environment in which people were willing to say things that hurt. Nobody wants to be called a racist if in your heart you believe in equality of races. Not fooling us, Dubya. Or is he? I cant remember let me read the description again Ray J (Hater Doctor) Ray J and Kim K were once lovers, years ago when Kim was less plastic. However, she is with Kanye now and after Ray Js diss track I Hit It First, they have become mortal enemies. To get back at Kim for leaving him for somebody altogether more talented (quit hating Ray J), he has become her antithesis. Where she has the power to kill Haters, he has the power to save them once every 2 rounds (he only has 1 self-save). Though he can stop kill attempts, he cannot stop lynches or kill stacks (if the chosen person is targeted by 2 separate kill attempts simultaneously). Taylor Swift (Hater Roleblocker) Taylor Swift has the ability to steal awards she doesnt deserve. Even when somebody like Beyoncé has a way better music video, White America will give T-Swift the award. Though T-Swift is not aware shes a Hater because she thinks shes just a sweet little country gal (at the beginning of the game, she is only informed that she is a Roleblocker), she is in fact aligned with the Haters. However, she is not in contact with them, and will not show up as Hating under investigation due to her innocent girl-next-door image. Every even-numbered round, Taylor Swift has the ability to block a chosen persons actions (investigations, kills, saves, blocks, commands), but cannot block actions against herself. IF she happens to block Beyoncé, she will be informed that she is the Hater Roleblocker and will be put in contact with the rest of her Hater team. The Others Snoop Doggy Dogg (Serial Killa [feat. D.O.C., RBX, and Tha Dogg Pound]) Kanye changed the rap game. It used to be all about gangsta crap in Snoops heyday. And even though Snoop doesnt love how the game has changed around him, hes not hating on the young dogs coming up (and so, he will not come up as Hating under an investigation by Jay-Z). He just wants to bring his gangsta rap back into peoples homes, just like when he was in his prime. The easiest way to send his message? Kill people indiscriminately! Snoop Dogg has the power to kill somebody each round as he wishes. Snoops out to do Snoop; he doesnt win with the Kanyes, he doesnt win with the Haters. He does it Doggystyle; he wins by himself...unless... North West The world is divided two ways. You either love Kanye, or youre a Hater (or youre Snoop and you dont give a frack because youre just that cool). There is no middle ground for the greatest issue on Earth. But as a child of Kanyes great bloodline, North West has inherited the talent of God/his father and with it the ability to be different, unique from everybody elsejust like Kanye. And with the pressure of being his fathers son mounting from the time he escaped his moms highly publicized *dont wanna get banned*, he has to make a choice. It is up to him, what he decides to do with his life. Does he stand by his father? Does he rail against his father and become a Hater? Or does he start his own journey as a new messiaha new YeezusNorth West has 2 rounds to decide: ally with the Kanyes, ally with the Haters, or start a new way of life. Once he decides, he can unlock his other powers. He has the ability to once every 2 rounds command a person how to vote (whichever person he picks will have their role revealed to him). If North West decides to form his own faction, the first person he commands how to vote will become Blue Ivy Carter (the child of Beyoncé and Jay-Z) and become his partner. They will be aligned together, and she will have the power to once every 2 rounds attempt to save a player (she only has 2 self-saves), investigate a person, or command them how to vote. IF he happens to convert the Serial Killer, the Serial Killer will retain their power instead of becoming Blue Ivy Carter, but now be aligned with North West as his mentor. While he may be more powerful as his own faction, choosing one of the two main factions could potentially solidify victory more easily. Regardless of his decision, he will not show up in Jay-Zs investigations as Hating. ​Twinblade Pack Similar to the Med Kit. Whoever has possession of the Twinblade Pack has the option of using it, taking the Twinblade's powers, and committing a suicidal kill on a person of their choosing. If they don't wish to use it, they must select two different players to pass the pack on to. One of the players will be chosen at random. If one of the players selected dies, the Pack automatically goes to the other player. If one of the players selected had the Pack last round, it will automatically go to the other player. If both of the players die (or one had the Pack last round and the other dies), the Pack will go to somebody chosen at random. If the player in possession of the Pack dies, it is removed from the game. Once the Pack is used, it is removed from the game. UPDATE: Nightfall is at 10:00 PM P*D*T. Daylight Savings Time is now in effect as of Monday.
  2. Do you remember the Shire, Mister Frodo? It'll be spring soon, and the orchards'll be in blossom. And the birds'll be nestin in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields...and eating the first of strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?

    1. Kryten


      Did Sam say this before or after bricking on Frodo's chest?

    2. Captain Aerosex

      Captain Aerosex

      He can't recall the touch of turd...or the sound of golden water

  3. Not having work tomorrow, having tacos high @ 2am is a special kind of happiness

    1. Mr.DirtyDangles


      Bask in the glory :)

    2. Horvat


      Living the high life

  4. The world is really beautiful around 4:30 am. It's a shame I have explosive diarrhea and have to go to work semi-drunk on no sleep for 50 hours. Solid Canada Day

    1. mau5trap


      Lol. Just look forward to getting home and passing the eff out.

    2. SkeeterHansen


      Explosive diarrhea. Your work-mates are just going to love you.

  5. Push day is best day

    1. Erik Karlsson

      Erik Karlsson

      do you even lift?

  6. Congrats to our #1 in wins, Roberto Luongo!!!

  7. RIP Sarah Burke, dead at 29 :(

  8. We could be long-lost brothers O_O