:D Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 http://the-toast.net/2014/05/27/ayn-rands-harry-potter-sorcerers-stone/ “You’re a wizard, Harry,” Hagrid said. “And you’re coming to Hogwarts.” “What’s Hogwarts?” Harry asked. “It’s wizard school.” “It’s not a public school, is it?” “No, it’s privately run.” “Good. Then I accept. Children are not the property of the state; everyone who wishes to do so has the right to offer educational goods or services at a fair market rate. Let us leave at once.” *** “Malfoy bought the whole team brand-new Nimbus Cleansweeps!” Ron said, like a poor person. “That’s not fair!” “Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?” “I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly. Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.” *** Professor Snape stood at the front of the room, sort of Jewishly. “There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don’t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few who possess, the predisposition…I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.” Harry’s hand shot up. “What is it, Potter?” Snape asked, irritated. “What’s the value of these potions on the open market?” “What?” “Why are you teaching children how to make these valuable products for ourselves at a schoolteacher’s salary instead of creating products to meet modern demand?” “You impertinent boy–” “Conversely, what’s to stop me from selling these potions myself after you teach us how to master them?” “I–” “This is really more of a question for the Economics of Potion-Making, I guess. What time are econ lessons here?” “We have no economics lessons in this school, you ridiculous boy.” Harry Potter stood up bravely. “We do now. Come with me if you want to learn about market forces!” The students poured into the hallway after him. They had a leader at last. *** Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.” Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.” “But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it. Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.” “I don’t understand,” Ron said. “Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.” “But they gave birth to y–” “I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly. *** “Give me your wand, boy,” Voldemort hissed. “I cannot do that. This wand represents my wealth, which is itself a tangible result of my achievements. Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think,” Harry said bravely. Voldemort gasped. “There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.” Voldemort began to melt. Harry lit a cigarette, because he was the master of fire. “The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. The minimum wage is a tax on the successful. The market will naturally dictate the minimum wage without the government stepping in to determine arbitrary limits.” Voldemort howled. “I’m going to sell copies of my wand at an enormous markup,” Harry said, “and you can buy one like everyone else.” Voldemort had been defeated. “He hated us for our freedom,” Ron said. “No, Ron,” Harry said. “He hated us for our free markets.” Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build. I'd read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckamo Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Ahahaha. I read the Fountainhead when I was in grade 12...at the time I have to say most of it went right over my head, I think I might need to give it a re-read. From what I do remember, I didn't agree with much of what she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Aerosex Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Dead people have no value according to the trader principle. But they gave birth to y I made myself, Ron, Harry said firmly. ^^ Definitely my favourite part. Yeah I'd read that book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newsflash Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 "Professor Snape stood at the front of the room, sort of Jewishly." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down by the River Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 ^^ Definitely my favourite part. Yeah I'd read that book. Mine too. "I made myself" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remy Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 This is hilarious, very well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightHawkSniper Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jägermeister Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That was fantastic. Reads better than the original. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FramingDragon Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Better written than the original, which never was that strong but still Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadianLoonie Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Objectivists/Randites are...peculiar in that they treat and worship Rand like she's Jesus...which she clearly isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
:D Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 I don't know who I am catching with this. Rand fans who find this tongue in cheek or Harry Potter fans who love it because it's Harry Potter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
believe in blue forever Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Haha Kinda reminds me of Harry Potter becomes a communist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jägermeister Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I don't know who I am catching with this. Rand fans who find this tongue in cheek or Harry Potter fans who love it because it's Harry Potter. I'm not really a fan of either. Was still amusing based off of the sheer ridiculousness of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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