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#61 thepedestrian

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:28 PM

Brother, ALWAYS judge a girl by her actions - not by her words. She cancelled twice? Guess what - shes not interested. If she had a legitmate excuse she'd try to reschedule. Don't waste time with this girl that clearly doesn't know what she wants. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. You're the man that girls should be chasing anyways, aren't you? ;)

Also, as a general life rule. Never EVER EVER EVER take relationship advice from a woman. What they think they want and what they really want are two completley different things.

Edit: Ugh, there are obviously exceptions. like says shes over thirty and has tons of dating experience. But you sound young obviously by your posts and any girl your age will give you advice.

Edited by SN -Admin, 11 March 2012 - 09:24 PM.


#62 MrsCanuck

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 10:40 PM

Sometimes girls like someone to harmlessly flirt with even if they're not interested in them. She may be leading you on. I say I think she's leading you on because sometimes when I know a guy obviously likes a girl, its reaaaaally hard not to flirt back when they're making it blatantly obvious even if you're not interested in them...we're evil, we know.

Anyway, she seems like she's trying to string you along and as above people have mentioned, leave it alone unless she makes solid plans to hang out and just give it a shot.

I give you props for not coming off too desperate, it's good that you are trying to pull away from her.
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#63 Denguin

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 11:09 PM

You should really just break off ties with this woman. She is using you for nothing more than emotional support and to build up her ego.

Sorry, but that's the way things go... every guy (maybe not on CDC) has gone through it all where we've had our sights set on someone, but recieved no attention back. I'm sure you're a great guy, so don't lose any self-esteem... this girl really doesn't seem to know what she wants (or is just really immature). By the sounds of it, she's not someone you'll want to be with for the rest of your life.

My advice: cut ties completely. Don't talk to her. Eventually it'll get harder and harder to talk with her anyway since you've never met/have no shared memories together.

#64 لني

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 11:34 PM

Exactly. We've all been the odd one out in situations like this and it is terrible. Just like you said, they'll start talking about inside jokes and past experiences, which I won't necessarily find funny because "I had to be there".

Just stick to coffee dates at the beginning. It's a maximum two-hour commitment. And I personally like to keep things short and sweet. I'd rather a few two-hour dates to keep each other interested and "wanting more" rather than one long extravagant event where you have to worry about awkward silences.





Very true. Who's to say I won't fall for your best friend? That may happen if we have not yet established (either directly or indirectly) that we have mutual feelings for each other.


Kitten Mittons gives the best advice I'd say.

You'd be wise to take on board her comments.
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It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.

#65 لني

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 11:47 PM

Brother, ALWAYS judge a girl by her actions - not by her words. She cancelled twice? Guess what - shes not interested. If she had a legitmate excuse she'd try to reschedule. Don't waste time with this girl that clearly doesn't know what she wants. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. You're the man that girls should be chasing anyways, aren't you? ;)

Also, as a general life rule. Never EVER EVER EVER take relationship advice from a woman. What they think they want and what they really want are two completley different things.

Edit: Ugh, there are obviously exceptions. like says shes over thirty and has tons of dating experience. But you sound young obviously by your posts and any girl your age will give you advice.


And Bingo. Spot on.

As the guy you have to be the prize.

Ever notice how the most "carefree" don't-give-a-crap guys are usually the most successful.

Because they don't put off women by coming across as needy and not having anything else in their life.

And always remember the mantra:

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Especially when dealing with the fairer sex who are much better at wordsmithing then men.

You will always lose and end up in a tangled web of verbiage if you listen and don't watch.

Your first dates and frankly throughout your relationship you should be acutely aware of red flags. If she's showing red flags early on you can guarantee she will be showing a whole lot more later on once she feels "comfortable" with you.

If you lay the foundation that you are a sucker early on you should assume your "house" will e built upon that.

Also on advice from women I'd agree 100%.

Most advice you get from women will be crap. There are a few exceptions.

Men and women generally speak different languages. Women tend to be less direct. Which is why when my wife asks me a question about her clothes etc I get in trouble! Lol

If a guy asks a guy if his clothes are cool(never the word nice) and the other guy doesn't like it he will generally say "you look like a x,y, or z wearing that."

Woman asks another woman she will never say "you look like a x,y, or z" but will offer her critiques in a more subtle roundabout way.

Women in pretty much every culture are socialized to be the social peacekeepers. Men are socialized to "do things."

Next time watch a group of young girls playing and watch how they interact especially how they deal with conflict. Then go watch a group of young boys and watch how they deal with conflict.

When it comes to advice from women you generally will get a "peacekeeping" answer which when translated into "man speak" tends to give hope when there is little reason for it.

If you want some good background on this get the books by Allan and Barbara Pease. "why men don't listen, and women can't read maps" is a very good book.

The other thing you have to be careful of is if the woman has ulterior motives, which she may not be aware of. For example if she secretly like you, or maybe she doesn't like the girl.

Asking men for advice also has issues but generally a lot less.

Best thing to do is read some info on it then go and observe it in the real world. Watch successful couples and watch men who are successful at picking up women.

Edited by Lonny Bohonos, 11 March 2012 - 11:57 PM.

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It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.

#66 لني

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 11:49 PM

Sometimes girls like someone to harmlessly flirt with even if they're not interested in them. She may be leading you on. I say I think she's leading you on because sometimes when I know a guy obviously likes a girl, its reaaaaally hard not to flirt back when they're making it blatantly obvious even if you're not interested in them...we're evil, we know.


What's funny is when guys do this its never described as harmless or "tongue-in-cheek" evil.

That be some fine wordsmithing... :)

Edited by Lonny Bohonos, 11 March 2012 - 11:58 PM.

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It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.

#67 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 03:16 AM

Brother, ALWAYS judge a girl by her actions - not by her words. She cancelled twice? Guess what - shes not interested. If she had a legitmate excuse she'd try to reschedule. Don't waste time with this girl that clearly doesn't know what she wants. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. You're the man that girls should be chasing anyways, aren't you? ;)

Also, as a general life rule. Never EVER EVER EVER take relationship advice from a woman. What they think they want and what they really want are two completley different things.

Edit: Ugh, there are obviously exceptions. like says shes over thirty and has tons of dating experience. But you sound young obviously by your posts and any girl your age will give you advice.


Unfortunately, actions say a lot. I thought this girl would be the type that wants the guys to make the move and I did and she didn't respond. There were three opportunities - the one thing I wonder is whether or not I was too strong in the beginning.

I don't want to brag or be an ass because that's just not what I do, however, she actually texted me today but I ignored completely and she asked me about that but I just said I missed it.

Sometimes girls like someone to harmlessly flirt with even if they're not interested in them. She may be leading you on. I say I think she's leading you on because sometimes when I know a guy obviously likes a girl, its reaaaaally hard not to flirt back when they're making it blatantly obvious even if you're not interested in them...we're evil, we know.

Anyway, she seems like she's trying to string you along and as above people have mentioned, leave it alone unless she makes solid plans to hang out and just give it a shot.

I give you props for not coming off too desperate, it's good that you are trying to pull away from her.


Thank you for applauding me, however, I felt I might have come across as desperate in the beginning. Once I realized where this was going (nowhere), it stung. I tend to shelter myself from the hazards of the outside world and rejection, so it's not like I'm oozing with confidence whatsoever. Fact is, I'm just an ordinary guy and that's probably what makes me friend material, rather than boyfriend/husband in the eyes of women. Seems like that's the case. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or anything. I'm just expressing my true feeling on it.


You should really just break off ties with this woman. She is using you for nothing more than emotional support and to build up her ego.

Sorry, but that's the way things go... every guy (maybe not on CDC) has gone through it all where we've had our sights set on someone, but recieved no attention back. I'm sure you're a great guy, so don't lose any self-esteem... this girl really doesn't seem to know what she wants (or is just really immature). By the sounds of it, she's not someone you'll want to be with for the rest of your life.

My advice: cut ties completely. Don't talk to her. Eventually it'll get harder and harder to talk with her anyway since you've never met/have no shared memories together.


While it's nice to shift the blame onto others, the fact is, I'll need to be more interesting than I am now. My approach also needs to be different.

There's nothing "wrong" with being myself (i.e. no problems making friends) but history (and even at this point) has shown me that I'm just constantly shelved away and as I get older (which I am), it is actually a lot harder to meet people than it was before.

Anyway, I'm never going to be replying to her texts from now on and gradually, I'll just phase her out. It's really unfortunate because I really wanted to get to know her more than just friends.

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#68 FeStealth

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 03:39 AM

Don't burn bridges... since you might never know... she may have hot friends, lol.

But as generic as it sounds, there are plenty of fishes in the sea.
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#69 لني

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 04:11 AM

She didn't respond because she not into.

All girls want the guy to make the "first move."


What do you mean you ignored her text and ten said you missed it? Did she text a second time.

Unfortunately, actions say a lot. I thought this girl would be the type that wants the guys to make the move and I did and she didn't respond. There were three opportunities - the one thing I wonder is whether or not I was too strong in the beginning.

I don't want to brag or be an ass because that's just not what I do, however, she actually texted me today but I ignored completely and she asked me about that but I just said I missed it.



Thank you for applauding me, however, I felt I might have come across as desperate in the beginning. Once I realized where this was going (nowhere), it stung. I tend to shelter myself from the hazards of the outside world and rejection, so it's not like I'm oozing with confidence whatsoever. Fact is, I'm just an ordinary guy and that's probably what makes me friend material, rather than boyfriend/husband in the eyes of women. Seems like that's the case. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or anything. I'm just expressing my true feeling on it.


Woe is me I'm just an ordinary guy....

This paragraph comes off absolutely as feeling sorry for oneself despite you claim of not wanting to.

Ordinary guy? Guess who's an ordinary guy?

Every ???? guy out there.

Some guys just have clear goals and work hard to achieve them which is why they get the women.


While it's nice to shift the blame onto others, the fact is, I'll need to be more interesting than I am now. My approach also needs to be different.

There's nothing "wrong" with being myself (i.e. no problems making friends) but history (and even at this point) has shown me that I'm just constantly shelved away and as I get older (which I am), it is actually a lot harder to meet people than it was before.

Anyway, I'm never going to be replying to her texts from now on and gradually, I'll just phase her out. It's really unfortunate because I really wanted to get to know her more than just friends.


Gradually just phase her out? Why? So you don't hurt her feelings? So you can hang on to any sliver of hope?

Maybe you do need to be more interesting but could you even describe what you mean by that?
Sent from my iPhone Canucks App

It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.

#70 debluvscanucks

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:28 AM

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Seriously, sometimes females will appear to be interested because we don't want to be rude/mean, but it's just not there. We like to talk, flirt and it's always nice when someone pays attention to us, but it doesn't indicate that there's something more. If she's not biting, the signs are there and you shouldn't try too hard for things to progress. If you do back away and she persists, let her know that it's unfair to toy with you and she needs to level with you about where things are heading (if anywhere). Phasing her out won't give you the answers you want. The fact that she follows up after you shut it down also doesn't say much, beyond "I liked the attention...where did it/you go?".

You're trying too hard. If you have to figure out how to be in order to get someone to respond to you, it's too much work from the start.

You should listen to females because guys don't quite have us totally figured out yet and we can offer another perspective.

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#71 Shift-4

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Posted 12 March 2012 - 07:30 AM

You should listen to females because guys don't quite have us totally figured out yet and we can offer another perspective.



You don't say.......


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#72 Matthew Lombardi 18

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 02:03 PM

She didn't respond because she not into.

All girls want the guy to make the "first move."


What do you mean you ignored her text and ten said you missed it? Did she text a second time.






Woe is me I'm just an ordinary guy....

This paragraph comes off absolutely as feeling sorry for oneself despite you claim of not wanting to.

Ordinary guy? Guess who's an ordinary guy?

Every ???? guy out there.

Some guys just have clear goals and work hard to achieve them which is why they get the women.




Gradually just phase her out? Why? So you don't hurt her feelings? So you can hang on to any sliver of hope?

Maybe you do need to be more interesting but could you even describe what you mean by that?


Phasing her out (to me) means gradually reducing contact to the point where not talking to her becomes normal - whereas I talked to her every single day.

Look, I'm kind of confused about where I am in life so I don't have the answers. Evidently, I am not a person that a woman should be looking for, which is why I'm just going to take a step back from society.

So we are officially in a bit of a silly season, and in general I stay away from the completely crazy rumors that persist on the internet, or in the case of the Leafs having interest in Nabokov or Turco I will occasionally debunk them...however, I have been getting inundated with emails, PMs, and questions on twitter regarding a few rumors that are out there...so here goes.. I will address the rumors and follow with what I have or haven't heard...If you all like this format, maybe Wacky Wednesdays could be a regular feature. I wouldn't do it more than once a week, because I am too busy talking to actual sources and attempting to provide you all with as much unique information as possible.


Too busy talking to actual sources? lolwut

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#73 debluvscanucks

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 02:15 PM

Why don't you not focus on her and just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may? Not think about things or "try" this or that - just be. If a relationship is in your future, it will be and shouldn't require so much "figuring out". It will be a natural progression of things.

You seem like a very nice, reasonable person so don't let this female have too much influence over how you see yourself. OR the feedback here - from people who don't even know you. Just be yourself and enjoy life....you're young, it'll all make more sense over time. It appears that you recognize that - that you don't have all the answers. No one does in this life, but the answer of "who you are" isn't determined by others, it's dependant on you.

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#74 Stefan

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:33 PM

Phasing her out (to me) means gradually reducing contact to the point where not talking to her becomes normal - whereas I talked to her every single day.

Look, I'm kind of confused about where I am in life so I don't have the answers. Evidently, I am not a person that a woman should be looking for, which is why I'm just going to take a step back from society.

Do what you gotta do, but don't take that guy's advice, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
When you stop thinking you're ordinary, doors will open for you.
I used to think I sucked, and was ordinary, and no different than anyone else.
I got lucky, I got into a relationship with a ridiculously gorgeous girl. No idea why she liked me, but she did. It opened up the world! I realised I didn't suck! I became confident, girls started to talk to me. I'd have women buy me drinks at the bar.
If you like this girl, do what you said. Take a few steps back, take it casually, don't get caught up on her, and try talking to other women.
I used to have a really awesome philosophy when I was single.
I called it "planting seeds". I'd meet new girls, talk to them, give them a reason to want to continue talking to me, and never over water (never give too much attention). Just a little bit at a time, but never too much. You keep doing this, and if one blossoms, then you're gold. If you really like one girl, and she seems interested in you, go with it, but never over commit until it's a sure thing dude. You over committed. But it's all good, show less interest, get on with your life, and try to talk to other women.
And the worst thing you can do, is feel sorry for yourself when you get rejected. I've been rejected more times than I can count! EMBRACE IT! It's an amazing thing! You learn from it. Make sure it doesn't bother you, and respect that not everyone's going to like you.
But if you're still interested in the girl, screw everyones comments about how it's a lost cause. It isn't. It's far from lost. But just don't let it consume your life. Let her know you'll still talk to her, but you're not going to be a sucker for her. Just keep occupied, make her earn your attention, and don't drop everything you're doing for her. Even over little things. You're watching a movie and she texts you? Screw it, you're into the movie, respond with "hey, yeah sorry just in a movie I'll talk to you later".
Forget to respond? Beautiful, girls love that for some sick reason. She'll probably text you later asking why you didn't respond. Just apologize again, and say you'll talk later, or whatever you gotta do.
GIRLS ARE INSANE. ADAPT.
And never forget. You'll never stop being ordinary until you start telling yourself otherwise.

I also agree with what Deb says.
Just go with it. It's likely just a small crush. She'll be more into you if you just live your life. She'll realise you're not such a sucker after all.

Edited by Stefan, 14 March 2012 - 03:43 PM.

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#75 KoreanHockeyFan

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 06:31 PM

Do what you gotta do, but don't take that guy's advice, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
When you stop thinking you're ordinary, doors will open for you.
I used to think I sucked, and was ordinary, and no different than anyone else.
I got lucky, I got into a relationship with a ridiculously gorgeous girl. No idea why she liked me, but she did. It opened up the world! I realised I didn't suck! I became confident, girls started to talk to me. I'd have women buy me drinks at the bar.
If you like this girl, do what you said. Take a few steps back, take it casually, don't get caught up on her, and try talking to other women.
I used to have a really awesome philosophy when I was single.
I called it "planting seeds". I'd meet new girls, talk to them, give them a reason to want to continue talking to me, and never over water (never give too much attention). Just a little bit at a time, but never too much. You keep doing this, and if one blossoms, then you're gold. If you really like one girl, and she seems interested in you, go with it, but never over commit until it's a sure thing dude. You over committed. But it's all good, show less interest, get on with your life, and try to talk to other women.
And the worst thing you can do, is feel sorry for yourself when you get rejected. I've been rejected more times than I can count! EMBRACE IT! It's an amazing thing! You learn from it. Make sure it doesn't bother you, and respect that not everyone's going to like you.
But if you're still interested in the girl, screw everyones comments about how it's a lost cause. It isn't. It's far from lost. But just don't let it consume your life. Let her know you'll still talk to her, but you're not going to be a sucker for her. Just keep occupied, make her earn your attention, and don't drop everything you're doing for her. Even over little things. You're watching a movie and she texts you? Screw it, you're into the movie, respond with "hey, yeah sorry just in a movie I'll talk to you later".
Forget to respond? Beautiful, girls love that for some sick reason. She'll probably text you later asking why you didn't respond. Just apologize again, and say you'll talk later, or whatever you gotta do.
GIRLS ARE INSANE. ADAPT.
And never forget. You'll never stop being ordinary until you start telling yourself otherwise.

I also agree with what Deb says.
Just go with it. It's likely just a small crush. She'll be more into you if you just live your life. She'll realise you're not such a sucker after all.


Just throwing out an idea for the sake of this debate. If you step back though, don't you run the risk of completely losing the person? Why can't the guys just go for it and ask the girl out? Doing this too fast would obviously creep the girl out, but at some point you're going to have to do it. No?

Maybe I misunderstood, but it seems that the general vibe here is to back off and let the girl come to you. I thought the convention was for guys to "ask the girl out." I'm pretty much a total rookie when it comes to these complicated and messy debacles, but again, just trying to stir up more opinions.

#76 لني

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 08:54 PM

Phasing her out (to me) means gradually reducing contact to the point where not talking to her becomes normal - whereas I talked to her every single day.

Look, I'm kind of confused about where I am in life so I don't have the answers. Evidently, I am not a person that a woman should be looking for, which is why I'm just going to take a step back from society.



I understand what phasing her out means my question was why? Why do you feel the need to phase her out? Why phase her out at all? Why phase her out as opposed to just dropping her and moving on? Those are questions to ask yourself.

One of the biggest killers in dating/relationships is indecision.

So you're confused. Completely normal. If your not finding yourself confused at times your probably stagnating.

To me it's sounds very much like you have other things in your life that need sorted out/figured out much more important than a woman or women in general. Nor is there any person a woman "should" be looking for, there are however things that trigger attraction in women.

I don't see how this means you have to step away from society or drop of facebook etc ultimately that's your decision.

It sounds like your energy/time/ resources would be better spent working towards those things you feel need to be sorted out and not this woman.


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It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.

#77 لني

لني

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 12:49 AM

Just throwing out an idea for the sake of this debate. If you step back though, don't you run the risk of completely losing the person? Why can't the guys just go for it and ask the girl out? Doing this too fast would obviously creep the girl out, but at some point you're going to have to do it. No?

Maybe I misunderstood, but it seems that the general vibe here is to back off and let the girl come to you. I thought the convention was for guys to "ask the girl out." I'm pretty much a total rookie when it comes to these complicated and messy debacles, but again, just trying to stir up more opinions.


Decisiveness is key. One foot in, one foot out is not going to get anyone anywhere especially in dating.

The issue is knowing when to make the move vs moving too fast/hard/abrupt if that makes sense.

Attraction is not a linear process nor is it straight forward for most people. Think of it in terms of ebb and flow.

This continues throughout a relationship and isn't just confined to the initial dating phase. Even in my own marriage it's at play.

The issue here is the OP was indecisive and did not get that yes/no and has ended up in no mans land.

Most men have been there. This is not something unique.

As for risk. Everyone's different in how they view risk. Risk is based on the likelihood something will happen x the consequences of said event happening. The context is also important.

Women rarely directly ask a guy out but they sure do drop a lot of "hints". Sometimes they will directly or agressively "ask a guy out"/drag him into bed etc but generally they don't. So as a guy you have to take the lead (an attractive quality).

A good book that can help get over self-limiting beliefs is No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

He's a marriage therapist (?) who had to deal with his own marriage breakup. It focuses a lot on getting over the self limiting beliefs that many guys have that keep them from being successful in life.
Sent from my iPhone Canucks App

It is not my intent to get in circular arguments with anybody. The reason i have avoided saying anything specific is because i know you or someone else will attempt to find an alternate explanation to my points which i intern will have to defend. I see no point in getting involved with the circular argument that is already well under way in this thread. I simply intended to voice my opinion on the subject. In the end either you accept the possibility of corruption and conspiracy or you don't.

Also i find your comments to be very childish. Does taking what i say out of context, paraphrasing and misquoting it make you feel good about yourself? Grow up.


Logic at its finest.




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