Dancin'Droid Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Always bring weapons to the airport - there could be terrorists on the plane! Carry a big duffle bag into the airport and throw it on the ground while running to the exit with a big white van ready to pick you up. The more you yell bomb the more the airport security enjoys it. Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Lower your expectations and you will always be happy with yourself Adding to this, if you're always a pessimist you'll never be disappointed when people let you down. Link to comment
babych Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I find that when needing a prostate exam, hobos tend to be very knowledgable and gentle. And relatively inexpensive. Link to comment
Gurn Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Running with a knife in your hand can save time.When somebody says "Watch out it's hot". Ignore them as most people don't know what their talking about. Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Always turn the safety off when carrying your firearms. You never know when you might need to shoot. Link to comment
surtur Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 When you get an email saying there is millions of dollars available to you from a stranger in a foreign country as long as you help them, always be a good friend and give them your bank account information. You will be rewarded for your generosity heavily i am still waiting for my check but i can't wait i already spent it all on a new car, boat house and i i got fronted a whole bunch of blow from this real sketchy biker looking dude. oh yeah don't worry you can't get her pregnant the first time so give'r... Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 If the girl is on top she can't get pregnant because of gravity. Link to comment
Mainly Mattias Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Ignore when you are supposed to get an oil change next. It is more of a guideline and your vehicle has another 5000 mile grace period. the poor car watch a lot of tv and movies because they'll tell you how your life is really supposed to be lived. Link to comment
Lillooet_Hillbilly Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 when a girl tells you she can't get pregnant she's telling the truth Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 If a girl pokes holes in your condoms, she's just trying to tell you that she's on birth control so you don't need to wrap it up anymore. Link to comment
Kazmanian Devil Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Always pick Bulbasaur. Link to comment
The Hornet Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 First your shoes, then your pants! Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 If your girlfriend is constipated, a good round of backdoor fun could help her have a bowel movement. Link to comment
Mimerez Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Can someone explain to me why this is called the "Horrible Life Advice" thread? Seems great to me. Link to comment
Twilight Sparkle Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 beware of paper monsters-- always run with scissors Link to comment
BananaMash Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Rebroadcast football games without the expressed written consent of the NFL. Link to comment
Spoderman Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Go hunting with Dick Cheney Link to comment
Twilight Sparkle Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 for severe aches and pains, it's ok to exceed 8 of the recommended doses of tylenol all at once Link to comment
euphoria/ Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Notice that a cop car is following you? Be sure to go faster than the speed limit, he'll never catch you! Link to comment
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