Jump to content

Welcome to canucks.com Vancouver Canucks homepage

Photo
* - - - - 1 votes

Cheesy Joke Thread

Discussion

  • Please log in to reply
238 replies to this topic

#61 Caboose

Caboose

    Marlies Franchise Player

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,358 posts
  • Joined: 01-September 10

Posted 08 July 2012 - 08:48 PM

What's a similarity between me and a neutrino?

We're both constantly penetrating your mom.
  • 0

iM9vOuM.jpg

 


#62 Argon

Argon

    Canucks Rookie

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,744 posts
  • Joined: 29-May 11

Posted 08 July 2012 - 08:51 PM

I was about to make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

orly?
  • 0
Posted Image


Yo Yo you cant see me anyway what i dont need to writing skills to act cool i got froobacks and steel chains to act cool i lead the new school. Iam untochable this wont be a fight ill walk away with your mic and make you suck your own tailpipe


#63 Baercheese

Baercheese

    Canucks Second-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,734 posts
  • Joined: 26-September 10

Posted 08 July 2012 - 08:55 PM

What's green, has four legs, and eats a lot of balls?








A pool table
  • 1

3499h5x.jpg
Johnny Gaudreau>any Casucks

Edler, Markstrom, Hansen, 2nd round pick 2014 to Islanders for Ryan Strome, 5th overall pick 2014

This is fairly even as well.

 


#64 Kumquats

Kumquats

    Canucks Second-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,451 posts
  • Joined: 05-July 08

Posted 08 July 2012 - 10:06 PM

No brow cheese:

Wanna hear a joke?

I fart, you choke.

Want another?

I fart, you smother.
  • 0

#65 Vapourstreak

Vapourstreak

    Canucks Prospect

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,213 posts
  • Joined: 05-July 07

Posted 09 July 2012 - 12:21 AM

Q: Why don't you ever see mathematicians at the beach?
A: Cause they already have sin and cos for a tan.


:P
  • 0

#66 avelanch

avelanch

    Canucks Hall-of-Famer

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 34,562 posts
  • Joined: 23-March 07

Posted 10 July 2012 - 11:47 AM

I bet being a doctor is nothing but disappointment.



And dat-appointment.


Also: related:
doctor to a patient: "You have an inoperable brain tumor. We would have found it earlier but you kept eating an apple a day and keeping us away."
  • 0

#67 nucklehead

nucklehead

    Canucks Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,567 posts
  • Joined: 23-March 03

Posted 10 July 2012 - 10:37 PM

Q: Why don't you ever see mathematicians at the beach?
A: Cause they already have sin and cos for a tan.


:P


\What did the mathematician do when he was constipated?He worked it out with a pencil.......bahahahahahaha
  • 0
biggerabacus_zps5cae10b6.jpg

I got kicked out of the slut walk for trying to bid on the participants.

-BananaMash

#68 GodzillaDeuce

GodzillaDeuce

    Canucks First-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,123 posts
  • Joined: 15-October 08

Posted 10 July 2012 - 10:48 PM

there are 10 types of people.............. those that can read binary and those that can't

Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.


Does anyone know any jokes about Stats? Probably

Edited by GodzillaDeuce, 10 July 2012 - 10:49 PM.

  • 2

well I'm sorry that gd is soo perfect


#69 Slender Man

Slender Man

    Canucks Rookie

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,820 posts
  • Joined: 16-June 09

Posted 10 July 2012 - 11:00 PM

yo momma so fat she has to wear large clothes
  • 1

Posted Image

~ FREE iE. ~


#70 Nathan MacKinnon

Nathan MacKinnon

    Canucks Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,242 posts
  • Joined: 07-November 10

Posted 11 July 2012 - 12:41 AM

there are 10 types of people.............. those that can read binary and those that can't


::D I get it
  • 0

+1 this post!

Posted Image

Credit to Intoewsables :wub: :wub: :wub:

Formerly known as UMADBRO?

Luongo Supporter. Does not deserve any of this BS


#71 Vapourstreak

Vapourstreak

    Canucks Prospect

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,213 posts
  • Joined: 05-July 07

Posted 11 July 2012 - 06:44 AM

\What did the mathematician do when he was constipated?He worked it out with a pencil.......bahahahahahaha

Ew. :sick:
  • 0

#72 Squirrels.Gone.Wild

Squirrels.Gone.Wild

    Comets Regular

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 432 posts
  • Joined: 16-July 09

Posted 11 July 2012 - 08:25 PM

A guy walks into a bar...

"Ouch!" he says.

Edited by Squirrels.Gone.Wild, 11 July 2012 - 08:27 PM.

  • 0

#73 -canuckslife-

-canuckslife-

    Comets Prospect

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 185 posts
  • Joined: 22-December 10

Posted 12 July 2012 - 02:58 AM

there are 10 types of people.............. those that can read binary and those that can't


took me awhile
  • 0
Posted Image

#74 avelanch

avelanch

    Canucks Hall-of-Famer

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 34,562 posts
  • Joined: 23-March 07

Posted 12 July 2012 - 07:06 AM

2 peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted... peanut.

a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face"

Celine Dion walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face"
  • 1

#75 Teen Icarus

Teen Icarus

    Comets Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 996 posts
  • Joined: 06-November 09

Posted 12 July 2012 - 02:48 PM

*insert any comment about Aaron Rome during his first few games last season*
  • 0
Spoiler

#76 Squirrels.Gone.Wild

Squirrels.Gone.Wild

    Comets Regular

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 432 posts
  • Joined: 16-July 09

Posted 12 July 2012 - 03:33 PM

Posted Image
  • 2

#77 Teen Icarus

Teen Icarus

    Comets Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 996 posts
  • Joined: 06-November 09

Posted 12 July 2012 - 04:34 PM

Posted Image


:sadno: :sadno: :sadno:
  • 0
Spoiler

#78 Super19

Super19

    Canucks Third-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,438 posts
  • Joined: 04-January 10

Posted 12 July 2012 - 08:07 PM

You can tune a piano, BUT YOU CAN'T TUNE A FISH!!!!!!!!
  • 0
Posted Image

#79 Teen Icarus

Teen Icarus

    Comets Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 996 posts
  • Joined: 06-November 09

Posted 13 July 2012 - 02:38 PM

Do constipated people give a crap?
  • 0
Spoiler

#80 LeanBeef

LeanBeef

    Canucks First-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,496 posts
  • Joined: 17-June 11

Posted 14 July 2012 - 10:05 AM

My lonely cousin: I finally found friends!!!

Me: Wow that's great, good for you!

My Lonely Cousin: Yeah I know, I got season two at best buy for 20 bucks! What a steal right?

Me: K
  • 1
Sig too big.
"Being a Canuck fan, maybe sometime down the road be a Vancouver Canuck.... that would conquer all my dreams"
-Milan Lucic

#81 LeanBeef

LeanBeef

    Canucks First-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,496 posts
  • Joined: 17-June 11

Posted 14 July 2012 - 10:16 AM

What does a black person eat
Hint-it can come in a box or bucket




























Food
  • 0
Sig too big.
"Being a Canuck fan, maybe sometime down the road be a Vancouver Canuck.... that would conquer all my dreams"
-Milan Lucic

#82 Heretic

Heretic

    Canucks All-Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 17,271 posts
  • Joined: 08-April 07

Posted 03 August 2012 - 09:22 AM

*
POPULAR

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's
what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
  • 6

McCoy: We were speculating. Is God really out there?
Kirk: Maybe he's not out there, Bones. Maybe he's right here. [points to his heart]

Posted Image


#83 JLumme

JLumme

    Canucks Third-Line

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,106 posts
  • Joined: 06-January 09

Posted 03 August 2012 - 09:34 AM

What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite NFL team?

The New York Jets.
  • 0

#84 SukhKular

SukhKular

    Canucks Rookie

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,526 posts
  • Joined: 15-November 03

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:06 AM

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's
what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"


"Classic."
-Alan; The Hangover
  • 0
I'm saying Aladeen a lot because http://forum.canucks...dpost__10922428

I bet when Schneider turns 38, he will have broken all of Luongo's records.


Posted Image

General Manager of Buffalo Sabres; CDC Omega League; CM Connected; NHL 13; [[[[PS3]]]]

#85 goalie13

goalie13

    Osgoodian One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,144 posts
  • Joined: 30-April 07

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:13 AM

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.
  • 1
Posted Image

#86 Shift-4

Shift-4

    Canucks All-Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 19,452 posts
  • Joined: 11-August 06

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:14 AM

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.


Dats a gouda one
  • 1
Hockey is the only sport, the rest are just games.

#87 goalie13

goalie13

    Osgoodian One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,144 posts
  • Joined: 30-April 07

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:23 AM

Why was Bob so busy working at the deli?

He had to Cervelat of customers.
  • 0
Posted Image

#88 Gumballthechewy

Gumballthechewy

    Canucks Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,905 posts
  • Joined: 18-April 11

Posted 03 August 2012 - 11:07 AM

How many West Vancouverites does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to mix the martini's and one to call a repair man.
  • 2

Don't take anything I say seriously! EVER!


#89 Amaneey

Amaneey

    Comets Prospect

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 199 posts
  • Joined: 27-October 11

Posted 03 August 2012 - 11:20 AM

These are awesome
  • 0

#90 Tony Romo

Tony Romo

    Canucks Star

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7,862 posts
  • Joined: 16-January 11

Posted 10 September 2012 - 08:55 PM

Great jones these are.

What did one traffic light say to the other?
Don't look I'm changing
  • 1
Posted Image Posted Image


Thanks to Raoul Duke for the Russell Wilson sig.



Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Discussion

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

Canucks.com is the official Web site of The Vancouver Canucks. The Vancouver Canucks and Canucks.com are trademarks of The Vancouver Canucks Limited Partnership.  NHL and the word mark and image of the Stanley Cup are registered trademarks and the NHL Shield and NHL Conference logos are trademarks of the National Hockey League. All NHL logos and marks and NHL team logos and marks as well as all other proprietary materials depicted herein are the property of the NHL and the respective NHL teams and may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of NHL Enterprises, L.P.  Copyright © 2009 The Vancouver Canucks Limited Partnership and the National Hockey League.  All Rights Reserved.