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DhillonCanuck

CDC Help Me Bring my Cousin Back

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Ok so I have a real delicate situation. My cousins parents divorced ten years ago. Him and I were really close. In the last ten years I've only seen him twice and the last time I saw him was two years ago. I was so excited to see as it had been 7 years since I last saw him. However when I tried persuading him to come to the house he refused. He even refused to hug his mom who hadn't seen him for years. I think he might have felt betrayed that they were seperated and he had to move around for years.

After all these years I have finally got his phone number and I want to slowly try to build a friendly relationship but I have no clue what to say or how to start and how to continue to remain in touch if at all. He is a year older then me and heading into his first year of college. I have no idea what his interests are or if even cares about talking and that is why this is a delicate issue as I want him to come visit his mom. My goal is to start talking to him and remain in touch for the next year and ask him to visit next summer. I am lost please help me figure this out CDC.

Thank You

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Invite him over for a game of NHL12. No one can resist.

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He's your cousin man, you will finds things to talk about.

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FIFA12, NHL12... there ya go

in all seriousness, find some common ground. Think about stuff you used to talk about when you were close as kids and try and draw parallels to today.

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Yeah. Seriously, it may be a little awkward at first. But if you were as close as you say you were, you'll be like best buds again in no time. Family's family.

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In all seriousness I must ask why you want him to speak to his mom?

If he hasn't seen her in years, she must have had a say in that situation.

If you enter this dialogue with him with an agenda (him seeing his mom) you are doomed to be distrusted by him.

I am guessing your parent (mom) and his mom are siblings and that you have more contact with his mom than he.

Ten years is a long time, if he is entering college he probably does not need the emotional upheaval at this time.

You cannot force a relationship with him and have no right to push his estranged mother on him.

NHL 12 is not a bad place to start, Facebook is probably better, you can peek into each others life and decide if there is common ground.

You need to ask ourself what it is you have to offer him. If it is just heartache and turmoil why would he want anything to do with you?

Fairy tale endings are rare, you might want to go back and read the Paperbag Princess before proceeding.

Good Luck.

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Tell him that just because you haven't seen or spoken to him in so many years, it doesn't mean that you've forgotten about him. Make sure that he doesn't blame you for mistakes that his parents made. You were a kid when all this happened - there wasn't much you could have done to change the course of your cousin's life. Tell him that you think about him and all the great times you guys used to have as kids and, while that phase may now be over, you are both adults now and there is still time to create a new relationship that would be equally enjoyable and beneficial to both of you.

Work on re-establishing your relationship first, before you try and help mend his relationship with his mom. And keep your relationship seperate from everyone else's in the family. Too often a family member will do something stupid and everyone suffers as a result. Maybe you can meet with him at a neutral place - coffee or dinner?? - rather than at home. Get comfortable being around each other before you do anything else.

Good luck :)

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I've not spoken to my dad or that side of the family since leaving the old country. Then after about 10-11 years, I got a call from my cousin who wanted to reconnect. Even passed on my contact info to my dad. After trying a few times to care, I realized I couldn't care if the whole family was stricken by the plague and died. Including my old man. If he didn't even want to hug his mom, I wouldn't be shocked if he felt the same way. Family isn't blood relation, and he doesn't seem to be family anymore. Leave him alone, he has his own life now.

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Tell him that just because you haven't seen or spoken to him in so many years, it doesn't mean that you've forgotten about him. Make sure that he doesn't blame you for mistakes that his parents made. You were a kid when all this happened - there wasn't much you could have done to change the course of your cousin's life. Tell him that you think about him and all the great times you guys used to have as kids and, while that phase may now be over, you are both adults now and there is still time to create a new relationship that would be equally enjoyable and beneficial to both of you.

Work on re-establishing your relationship first, before you try and help mend his relationship with his mom. And keep your relationship seperate from everyone else's in the family. Too often a family member will do something stupid and everyone suffers as a result. Maybe you can meet with him at a neutral place - coffee or dinner?? - rather than at home. Get comfortable being around each other before you do anything else.

Good luck :)

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I've not spoken to my dad or that side of the family since leaving the old country. Then after about 10-11 years, I got a call from my cousin who wanted to reconnect. Even passed on my contact info to my dad. After trying a few times to care, I realized I couldn't care if the whole family was stricken by the plague and died. Including my old man. If he didn't even want to hug his mom, I wouldn't be shocked if he felt the same way. Family isn't blood relation, and he doesn't seem to be family anymore. Leave him alone, he has his own life now.

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I know a similar situation that worked out. Reccomend meeting said cousin in a neutral settings and commence with 'life is short' speech. It would be a mistake to hold old grudges. And you never know when you don't get another chance.

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Honestly, focus on what you can control: your relationship with him. The part between him and his mom will need to be worked out by themselves; external influences rarely work if either party has no intention of making it work.

As for a suggestion: try school. You're a year behind him, you said? He's going to college? Maybe ask him for pointers in terms of academic progression.

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I think I get what's going on. Next time you see him, lean in for a kiss and see where it goes.

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I honestly thought this thread was going to be something else.

i.e. Help with my cousin.... into liking me.

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I've not spoken to my dad or that side of the family since leaving the old country. Then after about 10-11 years, I got a call from my cousin who wanted to reconnect. Even passed on my contact info to my dad. After trying a few times to care, I realized I couldn't care if the whole family was stricken by the plague and died. Including my old man. If he didn't even want to hug his mom, I wouldn't be shocked if he felt the same way. Family isn't blood relation, and he doesn't seem to be family anymore. Leave him alone, he has his own life now.

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step one; cut a hole in a box

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errr.

he could swallow some cement and harden the frack up.

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