aGENT Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 As has pretty much been stated, your kind of in a no-win situation here. Relationships are largely based on two things. Trust and communication. If she can not trust or communicate with you (send you a pic/meet in person etc) on the same level as you're prepared to... it won't work. Period. So basically this goes one of three ways: -You basically tell her that if she's not willing to meet your level for communication and trust, that you'll have to cut this off and move on...She can't and so you do. End of story. -She agrees and at some point in the not distant future, you meet. You're mutually attracted and you start to date a person with SERIOUS self esteem issues. It MAY work out but you'll CONSTANTLY be dealing with her issues. Depending on your tolerance level, it may get old or you may grow to love her enough that you work through it. (That's very unlikely FYI). -She agrees and at some point in the not distant future, you meet. You're NOT attracted to her and end up worsening her self esteem issues by rejecting her. Your turn to pick dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Lombardi 18 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Wow, so many posts to reply to. I'll come back to them later today. I have to have lunch with someone. Thanks for ALL the replies, especially the informative ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denguin Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 We're at round 2 now, huh? I don't know... You may not be a shallow person, but at the end of the day, I truly believe that LOOKS MATTER. You need to have a physical attraction to someone if you're going to be in a relationship with them. That said, of course they matter only to a certain degree, which then varies between people. With a shallow person, it'll matter quite a bit more than a not-so shallow person... But the important point is that it still matters. So how do I feel about the whole no picture being sent to you thing? I don't think that's fair. I don't deem myself a shallow person by any means, but I do factor in looks to my decision on whether to pursue a certain someone or not. Like you, I give personality a greater weight though. As for insecurity, as others have said, it's a bit of a tough one. Insecurity about herself may eventually lead into insecurity about your relationship. I agree with whoever's statement about her having low self-esteem, and that signifies one of two things to me: (1) this would be her first relationship; (2) she carries a lot of "baggage"... which I would personally steer clear of. Nobody likes a "needy" girlfriend who questions every little thing you do, and needs explanations for you talking to any other girl in the planet. My opinion? You can go for it if you'd like... but right now she's wasting your time and taking you for a ride. You don't know what you're getting into, and I'd rather find out sooner than later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertuzzi Babe Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This is not how to wheel birds. They want men to be in control. It's primal instinct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodzillaDeuce Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Wow, so many posts to reply to. I'll come back to them later today. I have to have lunch with someone. Thanks for ALL the replies, especially the informative ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonMexico Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I've been biting my tongue and sitting on my fingers so as not to respond to some of the posts in this thread but this ^^^ is the response that takes the cake. Please, do tell the users in this thread just how successful you are with this belief/philosophy when it comes to the women you've been involved with in your lifetime. Quite frankly, you'd have been long gone and on your ass if our paths ever crossed IRL. As to the OP........I've been reading all the responses here and I believe you have received some very good advice from some posting here. From the female perspective........I can understand the reluctance to be sharing a personal picture with someone who is virtually a stranger although you have shared many personal things. And I also DO believe that personal connections can be made online when meeting people. Ones that can last years and move into real life......or even only a few months existing only online. By your own words in the first post, you have only 'known' this girl for less than two weeks, 14 days. Pressuring her for a picture may be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot if you really want this e-relationship to go further and move into the real life portion of life. From the female perspective, the more you push, the more she's going to back off, especially in light of self-esteem issues you tell us she has. My feeling on this is that she wants to know that you are interested in the person she is moreso than the person she looks like. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's been less than two weeks.........and let's face it, there is a certain intensity and lowering of barriers about personal stuff when it comes to the internet..........when you can hide behind a keyboard........when you can remain anonymous with nobody even knowing what you look like. A lot of it is about trust.........can she trust you enough that by posting her picture it doesn't undo the connection on the other level you two have managed to achieve? As I said to someone else today, we ALL have a certain measure of insecurities if we're honest with ourselves..........it's just how we manage them or give them priority in our life that makes the difference. My first instincts upon reading your initial post was to give it more time....if you feel there is enough of a connection to wait for a pic......then go for it! My second (and I'm still kind of dithering about it), is to agree with Sharp and Shift and GD etc. And I'm a little surprised by my feeling that, actually. Maybe because this is the second thread you've posted in regard to dating advice and I can appreciate how much you'd like a relationship that will move from words on a page and a faceless voice on a phone to a real life relationship! Only you can decide how much time you want to invest in this............only you can decide if there is enough there now to wait for a picture............or if it's time to move on. In this girl's defense, she is telling you a lot of stuff right up front and though I know it's confusing and may seem like a lot of mixed messages.........only you can decide if it's worth hanging in there for! Sometimes it doesn't work out..........and sometimes it does.......and it makes everything you go through infinitely worthwhile! Wishing you all the very best! Everyone deserves to have someone special in their life just for them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aGENT Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertuzzi Babe Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buddhas Hand Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 This couldn't be any further from the truth. I don't have all day to hack apart this novel and frankly, it wouldn't prove anything at all. The best thing to do is to just ignore the above advice unless you want to continue to be treated like a doormat. I have been there done that and most times it ended up with me having a late night date with my hand. I always found that the worst advice I got about pursuing women, came from females themselves. Majority of women aren't even sure what they want in a guy, so why ask them what other women want? Oh they think they know what they want, yet go for something completely opposite. Your choice here is, listen to well meaning, yet flawed advice or listen to people who have been in your shoes and found success with women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aGENT Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Smart, and real women are the ones who are sending you home to your late night date with your hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonMexico Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 LMAO! You think women don't know what we or other women want? And you do? Seriously. LMFAO!! What I DO know is that it sure as hell isn't you or anyone like you. Of course it had nothing to do with your attitude that you ended up with you having the late date with the palm sister............ I wasn't aware that this thread was confined to boys/guys only........perhaps a note in the OP would have made it clear that a female perspective wasn't asked for or needed. You mention 'finding success with women' yet again.....perhaps you'd like to share this success. And I don't mean the one night stands..........but actual long term relationships. You know, the ones that have to actually be sustained past the wham bam thank you ma'am ............But honestly, you sound like more fluff than substance.. Smart, and real women are the ones who are sending you home to your late night date with your hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Bang Boogie Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I like the way you spit game OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertuzzi Babe Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Why are you attacking me? I never said anything about you in particular, I just made generalized statements. My lady (been together for 3 years), whom I met online, loves everything about me, and vice versa, even though I not the type of guy she ever envisioned herself with. But anyways, this thread is not about me or you for that matter. It's about helping a young fella who is having troubles with a bird who is shy, insecure and misleading. He has basically done everything and been everything she appears to want, yet she can't even be decent enough to show him what she looks like??? Give me a break. She is trying to be in control of everything. If you ever want to meet her, heck even see her picture, you gotta turn the tables and get some control yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TOMapleLaughs Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 The guy is right: You don't ask a deer about how to hunt deer. You ask a hunter. Unless you're making the process into a play to get her into the sack, don't bother asking a girl for advice on how to get other girls. Besides, all they would offer you is the same ol' lines, like it's what's inside that counts and blah, blah, blah. Who cares? The truth is most are together with a guy mainly because he showed interest and persisted, period, and now she's trapped. Hahahaha. jk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertuzzi Babe Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 The guy is right: You don't ask a deer about how to hunt deer. You ask a hunter. Unless you're making the process into a play to get her into the sack, don't bother asking a girl for advice on how to get other girls. Besides, all they would offer you is the same ol' lines, like it's what's inside that counts and blah, blah, blah. Who cares? The truth is most are together with a guy mainly because he showed interest and persisted, period, and now she's trapped. Hahahaha. jk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tortorella's Rant Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Haven't seen her picture? Maybe she's 300lbs and has four chins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aGENT Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Haven't seen her picture? Maybe she's 300lbs and has four chins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonMexico Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 She has openly admitted that she "really really really" likes me (and more, which could be scary for guys!) but won't meet me until couple of months from now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManUtd Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Damnit look at her facebook or give up! Respecting her privacy my butt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Heffy Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 <------ even if you're trying to pass it off as a joke! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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